So I didn't do a end of the week 18 to let my announcement stay at the top of the page for a few days, but now I need to get back to writing.
I was at 360.5 this morning, for whatever that's worth.
More tomorrow when I'm not so tired :)
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
A delayed christmas present, some assembly required
So now that Christmas is over and the family's been told... Liz and I gave each other a christmas present that we can't unwrap until next June.
Liz is just over three months pregnant! All is going well so far ... That's all we really know at this stage, but details to be posted when we know them.
To answer the first questions that people always ask.... yes, this is our first child and no, we don't know the gender yet.
As to names, the front runners right now are Timothy Michael and either Abigail Elizabeth or Sarah Elizabeth.
How's that for a 100th post :)
Liz is just over three months pregnant! All is going well so far ... That's all we really know at this stage, but details to be posted when we know them.
To answer the first questions that people always ask.... yes, this is our first child and no, we don't know the gender yet.
As to names, the front runners right now are Timothy Michael and either Abigail Elizabeth or Sarah Elizabeth.
How's that for a 100th post :)
Sunday, December 23, 2007
middle of week 18
So I've made some progress, so now I just need to hold steady through the holiday.
Today: 360.3
Down for week: 1.7
Down overall: 32.5
Today: 360.3
Down for week: 1.7
Down overall: 32.5
Friday, December 21, 2007
middling fair
Some days I log in because I have something I want to say, something I want to talk about. I log in, type in a title, and go for it. Other days I just start writing for the sake of writing, and see where it takes me, and then force some sort of title at the end.
Guess which type of day this is :)
Today did not go as well as I would have liked. A coworker brought a bunch of baked sweets to work this morning, and I foolishly allowed myself a pumpkin doughnut. It was very good, but then again so not worth it. Then dinner tonight ended up being at Golden Corral as the new Olive Garden had a hour long wait (an Appalachian style buffet for those of you not familiar with it). On the bright side, I am mostly proud of the choices I made there.
My standard approach to buffets is to start with a big salad if there are any greens worth mentioning. Fortunately they had fresh spinach and spring mix, so that was a treat. The salad dressings left much to be desired, but I went with Italian which usually has more good fats and fewer additives than most. I really prefer a light (and no HFCS) catolina, but that's hard to find when you're out places. Then I had some corn, baked fish, and roasted turkey breast.
The bad - way too much food in total. The good - at least almost everything I had was a "power food" in abs diet parlance.
In the end, I guess I'd say today was an "off plan" day, but no worse than a middling day overall. I may not have met my ideals, but I didn't give up on them altogether as I have so many days in the past. And I was conscious of my decisions and their ramifications, an important step in retraining my mind and appetite.
Tomorrow I'm off to mom's family.
Oh, and if you're a sporadic reader, be sure to check back next Wednesday for big news.
Guess which type of day this is :)
Today did not go as well as I would have liked. A coworker brought a bunch of baked sweets to work this morning, and I foolishly allowed myself a pumpkin doughnut. It was very good, but then again so not worth it. Then dinner tonight ended up being at Golden Corral as the new Olive Garden had a hour long wait (an Appalachian style buffet for those of you not familiar with it). On the bright side, I am mostly proud of the choices I made there.
My standard approach to buffets is to start with a big salad if there are any greens worth mentioning. Fortunately they had fresh spinach and spring mix, so that was a treat. The salad dressings left much to be desired, but I went with Italian which usually has more good fats and fewer additives than most. I really prefer a light (and no HFCS) catolina, but that's hard to find when you're out places. Then I had some corn, baked fish, and roasted turkey breast.
The bad - way too much food in total. The good - at least almost everything I had was a "power food" in abs diet parlance.
In the end, I guess I'd say today was an "off plan" day, but no worse than a middling day overall. I may not have met my ideals, but I didn't give up on them altogether as I have so many days in the past. And I was conscious of my decisions and their ramifications, an important step in retraining my mind and appetite.
Tomorrow I'm off to mom's family.
Oh, and if you're a sporadic reader, be sure to check back next Wednesday for big news.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
christmas plans
So today was a solid day, I've recorded everything and got out of the day with 2 points to spare.
Tomorrow starts the Christmas hurtles. Tomorrow my parents are coming down to Chilli, and we'll probably go out to the Olive Garden (just opened last weekend). Olive garden is one place where the food is generally less point friendly than I realize, so I will have to be careful.
Then Saturday is dinner with my mom's family. I probably will only try to roughly estimate calories at best on that day... everything home made the way grandma used to do it (because grandma is the one actually doing it in this case).
Sunday is just a normal day, and Monday should be fairly straight forward, food wise, though we're doing gift exchange with my parents.
Tuesday has at least two Christmas family meals, so another write off. But since everybody knows we'll be going to everybody else's thing, we may be able to get out somewhat less stuffed than normal. Then again, its Christmas... nobody has that much will power :)
I will try to post as regularly as I can, though I will be on the road a lot this weekend.
Hope everyone has safe travels and a happy holiday where appropriate. If you don't have a holiday coming up, well, have a good winter solstice tomorrow :)
Tomorrow starts the Christmas hurtles. Tomorrow my parents are coming down to Chilli, and we'll probably go out to the Olive Garden (just opened last weekend). Olive garden is one place where the food is generally less point friendly than I realize, so I will have to be careful.
Then Saturday is dinner with my mom's family. I probably will only try to roughly estimate calories at best on that day... everything home made the way grandma used to do it (because grandma is the one actually doing it in this case).
Sunday is just a normal day, and Monday should be fairly straight forward, food wise, though we're doing gift exchange with my parents.
Tuesday has at least two Christmas family meals, so another write off. But since everybody knows we'll be going to everybody else's thing, we may be able to get out somewhat less stuffed than normal. Then again, its Christmas... nobody has that much will power :)
I will try to post as regularly as I can, though I will be on the road a lot this weekend.
Hope everyone has safe travels and a happy holiday where appropriate. If you don't have a holiday coming up, well, have a good winter solstice tomorrow :)
week 17 - first weigh in
So here it goes.
I was a little off on my estimate a couple of days ago. I've backtracked further than I could admit to myself. I'm back up to 362 even. So I'm up 19.4 from my low point on November 1, but still down 30.8 from where I started back in August. Surprisingly, I can still make my "End Obesity in 2008" goal if I get back on track at 2 lbs a week. I realize that is not very realistic, but I'm surprised that it isn't completely implausible yet.
Off to a good start today though. I did a workout on the treadmill, and now I'm off to find some breakfast (and I've already got the spreadsheet open and ready to go for week 18).
Goal for week 18: lose 1 lb despite Christmas parties, etc.
I was a little off on my estimate a couple of days ago. I've backtracked further than I could admit to myself. I'm back up to 362 even. So I'm up 19.4 from my low point on November 1, but still down 30.8 from where I started back in August. Surprisingly, I can still make my "End Obesity in 2008" goal if I get back on track at 2 lbs a week. I realize that is not very realistic, but I'm surprised that it isn't completely implausible yet.
Off to a good start today though. I did a workout on the treadmill, and now I'm off to find some breakfast (and I've already got the spreadsheet open and ready to go for week 18).
Goal for week 18: lose 1 lb despite Christmas parties, etc.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
weigh in tomorrow
Tomorrow I get to do a weigh in again, for the first time in quite some time. My new scale arrived today, and its all set up and ready to go.
I fully expect to be disappointed in myself tomorrow. What I hope to do is to see it as a motivator, not have a "ok, well this is just a big waste of time" type of response.
Week 17 is almost done.
So, in anticipation of a horrible weigh in tomorrow, what have I learned so far on this journey?
I've learned that I have to stay with it every single day. If I have to stray from the straight and narrow, I have to accept that, and go back to being good the very next meal. I can't allow myself to say, oh, I had a bad day yesterday, I'll just make it a whole weekend off, then I'll go back to being on plan.
I've learned that I need to keep posting, even when the news can only be bad. It is so much more fun to post positive results! It is fun to come on here when the number is trending down, down, down each week. But if I don't post bad weeks, how is the blog ever going to help?
I've learned that I need to be honest with myself. When the scale stopped working, I assumed I was more or less staying the same. Until that went on for a couple of weeks and I noticed less room in my clothes over time. I knew I was off plan! I knew that I had my fill of pizza at that office party, that I had a HFCS laden drink with that lunch. But I convinced myself that I was doing more good than bad, more positive decisions and fewer negative.
Tomorrow is going to be rough. I may feel like I want to give up. I am going to feel ashamed and disappointed in myself, and that I have let everybody down, most importantly myself.
Several weeks ago I said I need short, small goals so I can reach them and use the pride as a motivator.
Upcoming goals:
End of 2007 - down 1 lb. With all of the family gatherings and travel over the next week, I can't realistically expect to make much progress between now and the end of the month. But I can hope not to lose any more ground. Just doing that will require me to stick pretty firmly to plan for the week and a half.
End of January 2008 - down 15 from tomorrow's weigh in. If I am on plan, this should be easy, if I'm off plan, this is impossible. Therefore this goal is basically "get and stay on plan for January."
Then we'll see where to go from there.
I fully expect to be disappointed in myself tomorrow. What I hope to do is to see it as a motivator, not have a "ok, well this is just a big waste of time" type of response.
Week 17 is almost done.
So, in anticipation of a horrible weigh in tomorrow, what have I learned so far on this journey?
I've learned that I have to stay with it every single day. If I have to stray from the straight and narrow, I have to accept that, and go back to being good the very next meal. I can't allow myself to say, oh, I had a bad day yesterday, I'll just make it a whole weekend off, then I'll go back to being on plan.
I've learned that I need to keep posting, even when the news can only be bad. It is so much more fun to post positive results! It is fun to come on here when the number is trending down, down, down each week. But if I don't post bad weeks, how is the blog ever going to help?
I've learned that I need to be honest with myself. When the scale stopped working, I assumed I was more or less staying the same. Until that went on for a couple of weeks and I noticed less room in my clothes over time. I knew I was off plan! I knew that I had my fill of pizza at that office party, that I had a HFCS laden drink with that lunch. But I convinced myself that I was doing more good than bad, more positive decisions and fewer negative.
Tomorrow is going to be rough. I may feel like I want to give up. I am going to feel ashamed and disappointed in myself, and that I have let everybody down, most importantly myself.
Several weeks ago I said I need short, small goals so I can reach them and use the pride as a motivator.
Upcoming goals:
End of 2007 - down 1 lb. With all of the family gatherings and travel over the next week, I can't realistically expect to make much progress between now and the end of the month. But I can hope not to lose any more ground. Just doing that will require me to stick pretty firmly to plan for the week and a half.
End of January 2008 - down 15 from tomorrow's weigh in. If I am on plan, this should be easy, if I'm off plan, this is impossible. Therefore this goal is basically "get and stay on plan for January."
Then we'll see where to go from there.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
not so good
so today didn't go as well. Had to spend a lot longer on the road than I had expected for work, and in a higher stress situation than I had planned. Thats really no excuse, but there it is. So I ended up having a fairly not on plan lunch. I tried making up for it a bit at the gym, but such things never really equal out.
So i should get my new scale tomorrow. I'm guessing i'll weigh in at somewhere between 350 and 360, but we'll have to wait and see.
So i should get my new scale tomorrow. I'm guessing i'll weigh in at somewhere between 350 and 360, but we'll have to wait and see.
Monday, December 17, 2007
You're a mean one.....
So a friend of mine must have gotten tired of me not having weigh-ins, and is sending me a scale as a Christmas gift. It should arrive Wednesday or so. Hopefully I won't break this one quite as quickly :) I do feel a little sheepish, we've been good friends for oh, nine years or so now, and I don't think i've ever gotten him a christmas gift...
In some ways, I confess I'm actually a bit of a Grinch. I mean I love Christmas lights and flowers and carols and parties and all that. (and of course all the unhealthy foods that goes without saying ;) ) I've got at least a little of Christmas decoration in more than half of the rooms of my house ... only time of the year I do anything that could even be considered decoration... including a nine foot + Christmas tree that I went out and cut myself. I'm really into the pageantry and the festive feeling and the cheeriness of Christmas.
But on the other hand, Liz and I haven't gotten each other Christmas gifts for the past three years (counting this year), we've only managed to send out Christmas cards one Christmas out of the six we've been married (twelve if you add in years dating). I still vaguely consider myself a protestant Christian (if only loosely affiliated at best) but I haven't attended a candlelight service or even church on Christmas Sunday of my own volition in nearly a decade.
In all, you could say I celebrate a rather selfish version of Christmas... I'm happy to expend the effort to put up a tree and a few lights, maybe sing a few songs... but everything I really enjoy about the holidays are the zero effort type of stuff. Watching old Christmas cartoons [btw, the reference the other day was to Santa Claus is Comin' to Town, the old claymation cartoon special], visiting with family, sitting in front of a Christmas tree and a fireplace or waking up to open presents and have hot cocoa.
Of course, I guess that's the way little kids see Christmas... maybe some people just never grow up.
In some ways, I confess I'm actually a bit of a Grinch. I mean I love Christmas lights and flowers and carols and parties and all that. (and of course all the unhealthy foods that goes without saying ;) ) I've got at least a little of Christmas decoration in more than half of the rooms of my house ... only time of the year I do anything that could even be considered decoration... including a nine foot + Christmas tree that I went out and cut myself. I'm really into the pageantry and the festive feeling and the cheeriness of Christmas.
But on the other hand, Liz and I haven't gotten each other Christmas gifts for the past three years (counting this year), we've only managed to send out Christmas cards one Christmas out of the six we've been married (twelve if you add in years dating). I still vaguely consider myself a protestant Christian (if only loosely affiliated at best) but I haven't attended a candlelight service or even church on Christmas Sunday of my own volition in nearly a decade.
In all, you could say I celebrate a rather selfish version of Christmas... I'm happy to expend the effort to put up a tree and a few lights, maybe sing a few songs... but everything I really enjoy about the holidays are the zero effort type of stuff. Watching old Christmas cartoons [btw, the reference the other day was to Santa Claus is Comin' to Town, the old claymation cartoon special], visiting with family, sitting in front of a Christmas tree and a fireplace or waking up to open presents and have hot cocoa.
Of course, I guess that's the way little kids see Christmas... maybe some people just never grow up.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
another solid day
That makes two days.
The down side to committing to writing in the blog is that I have to come up with something to say. Today was fairly non-eventful. The bad weather that seems to have hit most of the northern half of the country has missed us more or less completely... I think all of the little snow we got yesterday is gone by now.
The only really external challenge this week should be Saturday, with a Christmas gathering for my mom's side of the family. Then of course Christmas eve and Christmas day next week. But I guess the bright side of not having much time off at Christmas is not being at home for a full week with all of the Christmas leftovers. I'll go, have one meal, and get to leave everything behind, and get back to my regular schedule pretty quickly.
So today I've proven to myself I can stick to this for a weekend. Now lets see how I do with a work week.
The down side to committing to writing in the blog is that I have to come up with something to say. Today was fairly non-eventful. The bad weather that seems to have hit most of the northern half of the country has missed us more or less completely... I think all of the little snow we got yesterday is gone by now.
The only really external challenge this week should be Saturday, with a Christmas gathering for my mom's side of the family. Then of course Christmas eve and Christmas day next week. But I guess the bright side of not having much time off at Christmas is not being at home for a full week with all of the Christmas leftovers. I'll go, have one meal, and get to leave everything behind, and get back to my regular schedule pretty quickly.
So today I've proven to myself I can stick to this for a weekend. Now lets see how I do with a work week.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
a tower made of a million bricks...
Some victories come in the form of winner takes all, do or die. Others are simply the sum of a series of small victories. Today was a small victory for me. I've recorded all of my food for the day, stayed under on points, did not violate any of my cardinal rules, did my exercise, and even got some of the housework done. And if I do the same tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, the large victories that I need in my life are all but inevitable. I just need to stay focused on that one brick at a time, and I'll get there.
I can't say that I feel as happy or excited as I had hoped to feel after today. But I am glad that I've made this first step towards getting my goals back on track. And tomorrow will be day 2.
My goal for tomorrow, repeat today's positive steps, clean the refrigerator, and then go grocery shopping so that I have some healthy options in the house. Then its back to work on Monday.
I can't say that I feel as happy or excited as I had hoped to feel after today. But I am glad that I've made this first step towards getting my goals back on track. And tomorrow will be day 2.
My goal for tomorrow, repeat today's positive steps, clean the refrigerator, and then go grocery shopping so that I have some healthy options in the house. Then its back to work on Monday.
December 15 (2) - good morning again
So the day hasn't been nearly as productive as I originally planned. I got some straightening done, but ran out of steam at around noon, so went back to sleep for a few hours.
We've had a inch or two of snow, enough that the grass is covered, but the sidewalks have already melted clean. More snow to the north though, so my parents aren't coming down after all.
Anyway, off to find myself a very late lunch before I start munching on everything in sight :(
We've had a inch or two of snow, enough that the grass is covered, but the sidewalks have already melted clean. More snow to the north though, so my parents aren't coming down after all.
Anyway, off to find myself a very late lunch before I start munching on everything in sight :(
December 15 - good morning
So the day's off to a good start. I've done my treadmill and had a light breakfast (Kashi crunch cereal... I highly recommend it).
My parents may or may not be coming down this evening, depending on the weather, so I need to do some straightening today.
Other than that, my goals for today are to finish putting up the Christmas lights, do a load of laundry, and take out the recycling. I also need to go to the kitchen supply store for a last Christmas shopping item.
And staying on plan.
My parents may or may not be coming down this evening, depending on the weather, so I need to do some straightening today.
Other than that, my goals for today are to finish putting up the Christmas lights, do a load of laundry, and take out the recycling. I also need to go to the kitchen supply store for a last Christmas shopping item.
And staying on plan.
week 16 report in
Harsh reality time. I still don't have a scale that works (it wants to report me at 327 lbs). Based on how my clothes are fitting and how I feel, I think a more realistic estimate is 358 or so. This is unacceptable.
I may take some time to try to figure out why this has happened. But I've been doing that now for six weeks, and I haven't found any clue. So as of right now, the last six weeks are deemed irrelevant.
Saturday, December 15th is going to be the day that I get back on track.
I've gone from frustrated to angry to self pitying to depressed over the past several weeks. Now I'm just determined. I am going to get back on track.
Step 1 - blog to excess.
I don't know why, but going easy on myself about recording and blogging always leads to being a slacker in other ways. Skipping exercise, buying a bottle of pop because I have a headache, having whatever I want at the office Christmas party because it's a Christmas party. Indulging in cravings.
I don't even know if I have any more than two readers left at this point. If I do, it is because those of you who read this are much more loyal than I deserve, and I won't forget it. Tomorrow I'm off, and I'm going to spend the day on house work. During the course of the day, I will blog, at a minimum, every time I have any food. I probably won't keep up that pace next week, but I will write once a day until I am back on pace.
Step 2 - resurect the food chart.
I haven't kept a full day on my food chart since the last day I finished a full week on plan, six weeks ago. That ends. It simply does not make sense that I am willing to lose sleep for computer games or the like, and not to take the time to better myself.
Step 3 - read blogs and post comments
Of all of the things I've done wrong over the past several weeks, the one that causes me the strongest feeling of shame is that I mostly stopped reading other blogs. I've already started the process of getting caught up with my blog-land friends, who I hope will welcome me back into the fold.
"You put one -- foot in front -- of the other and -- soon you'll be wal -- king cross the --- floororor." (major bonus points if you get the reference)
I may take some time to try to figure out why this has happened. But I've been doing that now for six weeks, and I haven't found any clue. So as of right now, the last six weeks are deemed irrelevant.
Saturday, December 15th is going to be the day that I get back on track.
I've gone from frustrated to angry to self pitying to depressed over the past several weeks. Now I'm just determined. I am going to get back on track.
Step 1 - blog to excess.
I don't know why, but going easy on myself about recording and blogging always leads to being a slacker in other ways. Skipping exercise, buying a bottle of pop because I have a headache, having whatever I want at the office Christmas party because it's a Christmas party. Indulging in cravings.
I don't even know if I have any more than two readers left at this point. If I do, it is because those of you who read this are much more loyal than I deserve, and I won't forget it. Tomorrow I'm off, and I'm going to spend the day on house work. During the course of the day, I will blog, at a minimum, every time I have any food. I probably won't keep up that pace next week, but I will write once a day until I am back on pace.
Step 2 - resurect the food chart.
I haven't kept a full day on my food chart since the last day I finished a full week on plan, six weeks ago. That ends. It simply does not make sense that I am willing to lose sleep for computer games or the like, and not to take the time to better myself.
Step 3 - read blogs and post comments
Of all of the things I've done wrong over the past several weeks, the one that causes me the strongest feeling of shame is that I mostly stopped reading other blogs. I've already started the process of getting caught up with my blog-land friends, who I hope will welcome me back into the fold.
"You put one -- foot in front -- of the other and -- soon you'll be wal -- king cross the --- floororor." (major bonus points if you get the reference)
Thursday, December 6, 2007
week 15 and counting
So this was a pretty good week. Scale is still acting screwy, so no weigh in. It's been a while since I've had anything that I felt noteworthy to mention here, but a lot has happened just in the last day or so....
First thing, we got our Christmas tree yesterday and got it set up. We ended up with a nine foot cannan fir, which is the largest i've ever gotten to put up. We got the lights on the tree, but no ornaments yet, and unfortunately Liz and I work fairly incompatible schedules the next couple of days, so we may not get it finished finished until Saturday. One down side was that the farm we go to raised their prices pretty significantly since last year, so that was a bit frustrating.
Yesterday was also the first snow of the winter for us. Only about ankle deep, but enough to look pretty and to be a small hassle on the roads (mostly because of other people not knowing how to handle it).
And tomorrow is my birthday :) We had a little pizza party at work today for lunch, and I over indulged a bit.
So 15 weeks into the project, what have I accomplished? I had 10 really good weeks, followed by about two miserable weeks, and 3 weeks of more or less treading water. I'm going to make another strong push on myself to really kick it back into high gear starting tomorrow, as a birthday present to myself.
First thing, we got our Christmas tree yesterday and got it set up. We ended up with a nine foot cannan fir, which is the largest i've ever gotten to put up. We got the lights on the tree, but no ornaments yet, and unfortunately Liz and I work fairly incompatible schedules the next couple of days, so we may not get it finished finished until Saturday. One down side was that the farm we go to raised their prices pretty significantly since last year, so that was a bit frustrating.
Yesterday was also the first snow of the winter for us. Only about ankle deep, but enough to look pretty and to be a small hassle on the roads (mostly because of other people not knowing how to handle it).
And tomorrow is my birthday :) We had a little pizza party at work today for lunch, and I over indulged a bit.
So 15 weeks into the project, what have I accomplished? I had 10 really good weeks, followed by about two miserable weeks, and 3 weeks of more or less treading water. I'm going to make another strong push on myself to really kick it back into high gear starting tomorrow, as a birthday present to myself.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
no weigh in this week
So I may not be able to do a weigh in this week. My scale insists today that I'm down to 327, like more than 16 down from last week. I mean, I would like to believe that... but I know I haven't been nearly that good. It did this sort of thing once before, and then it was working fine in a couple of days, so we'll see.
For now, i'm on non-scale measurements, and don't really have anything positive to report. I'm still pretty much stuck somewhere between 337 and 343. I've been on plan since Sunday, including workouts, so hopefully i'll start to show some results next week.
good luck to all!
For now, i'm on non-scale measurements, and don't really have anything positive to report. I'm still pretty much stuck somewhere between 337 and 343. I've been on plan since Sunday, including workouts, so hopefully i'll start to show some results next week.
good luck to all!
Sunday, November 25, 2007
good feeling
So I have a good feeling about this week to come, diet wise at least. My treadmill is back in working order, though I probably won't have time for it tomorrow morning. I can't think of any reason why I couldn't be on plan as far as calorie intake.
And once I survive tomorrow things should be looking up again at work. Unfortunately tomorrow I need to get in as early as I can. I have a annual review/case review thing with my boss that I'm really not looking forward to at all... and if I fail to get something done in the morning that would have made it go smoother because I took time to do my workout it would send me into a anger spiral. I know this is a cop out, but I will make it up in the afternoon.
So there are times when being on plan just seems natural and obvious, and other times when it seems all but impossible. And I don't mean things like thanksgiving dinner. I mean just normal days where there aren't any outside influences making me make bad choices, I just do. I really want to get back to where it seems easy again, I'm just having a hell of a time finding my way back.
And once I survive tomorrow things should be looking up again at work. Unfortunately tomorrow I need to get in as early as I can. I have a annual review/case review thing with my boss that I'm really not looking forward to at all... and if I fail to get something done in the morning that would have made it go smoother because I took time to do my workout it would send me into a anger spiral. I know this is a cop out, but I will make it up in the afternoon.
So there are times when being on plan just seems natural and obvious, and other times when it seems all but impossible. And I don't mean things like thanksgiving dinner. I mean just normal days where there aren't any outside influences making me make bad choices, I just do. I really want to get back to where it seems easy again, I'm just having a hell of a time finding my way back.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
week 13 results
So I had to do my weigh-in for this week last night before rushing out to Zanesville for the holiday. Unfortunately, i'm up again, taking me to 343.1.
No real excuse for this... I just haven't been living up to my own standards.
I know that this is a disappointment. Don't give up on me, I will get this figured out.
No real excuse for this... I just haven't been living up to my own standards.
I know that this is a disappointment. Don't give up on me, I will get this figured out.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
"new" treadmill
My treadmill is working again !!!
/me is doing a happy dance.
Turns out that I had a bad fuse. I've replaced it.
No more having to venture out to the gym in the morning, at least for a while. This is exactly the type of morale boost that should help me get rejuvinated.
So yeah, I'm happy this morning.
/me is doing a happy dance.
Turns out that I had a bad fuse. I've replaced it.
No more having to venture out to the gym in the morning, at least for a while. This is exactly the type of morale boost that should help me get rejuvinated.
So yeah, I'm happy this morning.
Monday, November 19, 2007
belated week 12 wrap up
So sometimes I hate blogger. I'm sure this has happened to others, but I had a fairly long post disapear on me last Thursday, and was too frustrated to want to write it all up again. I'm not sure why I let that bother me so much, I mean, stuff happens, but that sort of situation always tends to lead to not posting for a while. In fact, every blog that I've started and then later abandoned was because of a day just like that one.
But don't worry, I'm not going to abandon this effort.
I really don't have anything of importance to post though, and that's the problem. I ended week 12 .2 lbs down from the end of week 11, and right now I'm back another .5 on the week. I'm not completely on or completely off plan. I'm doing a lot of things wrong, a few things right.
Really everything can be reduced to not focusing enough, not paying enough attention to this part of my life. I haven't been keeping my food log at all or blogging. I have been exercising, but not making it an absolute rule.
I guess the long and short of it is that i'm still here, I'm still struggling, and I'm still trying to make progress.
What have I learned through this last several weeks of slacking off?
I think I need to make concrete short term goals for myself. Realistic short term goals work. I did have a goal set for thanksgiving which was not realistic, and when I realized that I could not achieve it it really set me for a loop. It was kind of a, hey, I'm not going to make my goal, why should I care if I miss it by a little bit or a lot. That's really not the attitude I need right now.
So, what is my goal. Well, Since I have to do my week 13 weigh in on wednesday morning (two days from now) I'm going to set my week 13 goal to .5 lbs down from where I am right now. Then my week 14 goal will be 3 lbs. Then I'll reevaluate.
Thanksgiving schedule - I will be in Zanesville Thursday, Columbus Thursday evening through Saturday noonish, and back in Chillicothe Saturday evening. I will find time to post tomorrow and Wednesday, and probably not again until Saturday.
Tim, keep me honest on this... give me a call Sunday if you don't see a Saturday post!
But don't worry, I'm not going to abandon this effort.
I really don't have anything of importance to post though, and that's the problem. I ended week 12 .2 lbs down from the end of week 11, and right now I'm back another .5 on the week. I'm not completely on or completely off plan. I'm doing a lot of things wrong, a few things right.
Really everything can be reduced to not focusing enough, not paying enough attention to this part of my life. I haven't been keeping my food log at all or blogging. I have been exercising, but not making it an absolute rule.
I guess the long and short of it is that i'm still here, I'm still struggling, and I'm still trying to make progress.
What have I learned through this last several weeks of slacking off?
I think I need to make concrete short term goals for myself. Realistic short term goals work. I did have a goal set for thanksgiving which was not realistic, and when I realized that I could not achieve it it really set me for a loop. It was kind of a, hey, I'm not going to make my goal, why should I care if I miss it by a little bit or a lot. That's really not the attitude I need right now.
So, what is my goal. Well, Since I have to do my week 13 weigh in on wednesday morning (two days from now) I'm going to set my week 13 goal to .5 lbs down from where I am right now. Then my week 14 goal will be 3 lbs. Then I'll reevaluate.
Thanksgiving schedule - I will be in Zanesville Thursday, Columbus Thursday evening through Saturday noonish, and back in Chillicothe Saturday evening. I will find time to post tomorrow and Wednesday, and probably not again until Saturday.
Tim, keep me honest on this... give me a call Sunday if you don't see a Saturday post!
Liz's recipe for today - super easy veggie wraps
So this is actually Liz - We'll see how long it takes Mike to notice I've hacked into his blog, and maybe it will inspire him to post as well. Mike and I had talked a while back about me posting a recipe on here periodically, and I figured now was a good time to do it.
Super easy veggie wraps:
What you'll need:
- frozen mixed veggies of your choice (we like the Kroger brand fiesta mix - it has broccoli, carrots, and an assortment of beans)
- salsa
- tortillas (whole wheat if you can find them where you are)
optional:
- shredded low fat cheese (the fat free kind won't melt at all - Sargento makes a really good low-fat kind though)
-fat free sour cream/plain yogurt
-other toppings you like
Put as many veggies as you think you'll eat into a microwave safe bowl, and mix in a few tablespoons of salsa per cup or so of veggies. Cover the bowl with a lid (or an overturned plate) and put it in the microwave. If your microwave has a "frozen veggies" setting, set it for one serving, and start it - we've found that our microwave likes to cook frozen veggies to mush, so start with the time for one serving and add on more if the veggies aren't cooked to your taste. Otherwise, the veggies have time suggestions printed on them (although these will generally also give you mush - so you may want to reduce the time somewhat.) All of this can also be done in a covered pan on the stove - just add a little water to make sure nothing sticks.
When the veggies are cooked, spoon some out onto a tortilla, top with whatever toppings you like, and fold them up.
Yum!
Please post soon Mike ;)
Super easy veggie wraps:
What you'll need:
- frozen mixed veggies of your choice (we like the Kroger brand fiesta mix - it has broccoli, carrots, and an assortment of beans)
- salsa
- tortillas (whole wheat if you can find them where you are)
optional:
- shredded low fat cheese (the fat free kind won't melt at all - Sargento makes a really good low-fat kind though)
-fat free sour cream/plain yogurt
-other toppings you like
Put as many veggies as you think you'll eat into a microwave safe bowl, and mix in a few tablespoons of salsa per cup or so of veggies. Cover the bowl with a lid (or an overturned plate) and put it in the microwave. If your microwave has a "frozen veggies" setting, set it for one serving, and start it - we've found that our microwave likes to cook frozen veggies to mush, so start with the time for one serving and add on more if the veggies aren't cooked to your taste. Otherwise, the veggies have time suggestions printed on them (although these will generally also give you mush - so you may want to reduce the time somewhat.) All of this can also be done in a covered pan on the stove - just add a little water to make sure nothing sticks.
When the veggies are cooked, spoon some out onto a tortilla, top with whatever toppings you like, and fold them up.
Yum!
Please post soon Mike ;)
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
not giving up
So there have been a lot of opportunities to just give up and walk away from this in the past couple of weeks. It would have been easier in the short run.
Thank you for reading and sticking with me, and keeping in touch with me through this rough patch.
I want to post a happy uplifting message again. I want to be proud of myself the way i was just two weeks ago. I want to go through a single day with no mistakes and no sliding and no cheating myself. I want to expand that to a week, to a month.
Tomorrow is "put all the pieces together" day. Tomorrow i am going to 1) do both of my workouts, 2) stick to the plan in terms of food, 3) read blogs, 4) write my food journal, and 5) be able to post a happy message at the end of the day. And then the day after that I'll do the same, and the day after that I'll wonder why I found it so hard to do that for this "time off."
Thank you for reading and sticking with me, and keeping in touch with me through this rough patch.
I want to post a happy uplifting message again. I want to be proud of myself the way i was just two weeks ago. I want to go through a single day with no mistakes and no sliding and no cheating myself. I want to expand that to a week, to a month.
Tomorrow is "put all the pieces together" day. Tomorrow i am going to 1) do both of my workouts, 2) stick to the plan in terms of food, 3) read blogs, 4) write my food journal, and 5) be able to post a happy message at the end of the day. And then the day after that I'll do the same, and the day after that I'll wonder why I found it so hard to do that for this "time off."
Monday, November 12, 2007
middle of the road
Today was a good example of the kind of week i'm having. Neither spectacularly good nor spectacularly bad. Somewhat complacent though, and I need to work on that.
Tomorrow I'm going to make a serious effort at getting up and getting to the gym in the morning to start my day off on a good foot. I really need to get back into my walking/jogging habit.
Tomorrow I'm going to make a serious effort at getting up and getting to the gym in the morning to start my day off on a good foot. I really need to get back into my walking/jogging habit.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
happy birthday mom :)
So my mom doesn't actually check my blog, in fact she doesn't really know how to use the internet at all, but happy birthday to her anyway.
Completely meaningless coincidence... I was born on the anniversary of Pearl Harbor, the day that is generally cited as the introduction of the US into WW II, my mom was born on the anniversary of the day which is remembered as the end of WW I.
Anyway, did pretty well today, but didn't get any formal exercise in. Tomorrow should be a holiday at work, but I have depositions, so I have to work. But I will definitely make time to get to the gym, so that's a positive.
The wedding was nice, but quite long. Did allow myself the prime rib at the reception, but skipped the alcohol, fried appetizers, and wide array of cookies and candies. So all in all I don't feel like I have any guilt from that.
I'm getting sick of recommitting myself and saying, ok, bad half hearted time is over, back to work. I feel like I've been saying that a lot lately. I guess I could interpret that as incentive to make it stick this time :) Here's to ending out the week in a strong way.
In keeping with my goal of getting back to the system that was working really well, tomorrow I am going to restart my food log. I have been skipping that far too often, and it is too easy to cut corners when I don't have to face the points at the end of the day.
Several people have commented that I could just find time to walk outside now that my treadmill is busted and going to the gym for their treadmill is proving difficult. The problem is 1) it's freaking cold in Ohio in November, especially at 5:30 am! :) and 2) walking outside is more public than I think I can handle at this point. At least at the gym everyone else is working out. But then six weeks or so ago I though I couldn't handle doing the gym thing, and just had to decide to make myself do it, and it worked out fine. So I'm not dismissing the idea of walking outside altogether, but I can't say that I've worked up the guts to do it yet.
Ok, deep, calming breaths. I can do this.
Completely meaningless coincidence... I was born on the anniversary of Pearl Harbor, the day that is generally cited as the introduction of the US into WW II, my mom was born on the anniversary of the day which is remembered as the end of WW I.
Anyway, did pretty well today, but didn't get any formal exercise in. Tomorrow should be a holiday at work, but I have depositions, so I have to work. But I will definitely make time to get to the gym, so that's a positive.
The wedding was nice, but quite long. Did allow myself the prime rib at the reception, but skipped the alcohol, fried appetizers, and wide array of cookies and candies. So all in all I don't feel like I have any guilt from that.
I'm getting sick of recommitting myself and saying, ok, bad half hearted time is over, back to work. I feel like I've been saying that a lot lately. I guess I could interpret that as incentive to make it stick this time :) Here's to ending out the week in a strong way.
In keeping with my goal of getting back to the system that was working really well, tomorrow I am going to restart my food log. I have been skipping that far too often, and it is too easy to cut corners when I don't have to face the points at the end of the day.
Several people have commented that I could just find time to walk outside now that my treadmill is busted and going to the gym for their treadmill is proving difficult. The problem is 1) it's freaking cold in Ohio in November, especially at 5:30 am! :) and 2) walking outside is more public than I think I can handle at this point. At least at the gym everyone else is working out. But then six weeks or so ago I though I couldn't handle doing the gym thing, and just had to decide to make myself do it, and it worked out fine. So I'm not dismissing the idea of walking outside altogether, but I can't say that I've worked up the guts to do it yet.
Ok, deep, calming breaths. I can do this.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
checking in
So one day into my new committment to blog every day and I already missed a day :)
Anyway, got home at around 4 am last night, helping a friend pack books into boxes. Between that and my trip to the gym Friday evening I really did a number on my back, so sitting down and typing was out of the question.
Today and tomorrow are going to be hectic... I have a wedding to attend in Dayton this evening and then I'm off to Zanesville for my mom's b-day tomorrow. So staying on plan will be a little bit challenging.
The lack of a treadmill at home is also being a problem of late. Getting up early enough to get to the gym and come back home before getting ready for work is proving to be an almost insurmountable hurtle for me. I really need to get someone in to check out my treadmill so I can get back into my twice a day schedule. Hopefully I'll get ahold of someone on Tuesday.
Anyway, still struggling, but showing signs of improvement, and feeling a bit more hopeful.
Anyway, got home at around 4 am last night, helping a friend pack books into boxes. Between that and my trip to the gym Friday evening I really did a number on my back, so sitting down and typing was out of the question.
Today and tomorrow are going to be hectic... I have a wedding to attend in Dayton this evening and then I'm off to Zanesville for my mom's b-day tomorrow. So staying on plan will be a little bit challenging.
The lack of a treadmill at home is also being a problem of late. Getting up early enough to get to the gym and come back home before getting ready for work is proving to be an almost insurmountable hurtle for me. I really need to get someone in to check out my treadmill so I can get back into my twice a day schedule. Hopefully I'll get ahold of someone on Tuesday.
Anyway, still struggling, but showing signs of improvement, and feeling a bit more hopeful.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
good riddance to week 11
So "the rumors of my death..." and whatnot.
Truefully, this week has been very hard on me professionally and personally, and I am glad to see the end of it. Here's to a better week 12.
I'm up 5.2 lbs this week, taking me back to 339.6. I can't say I'm surprised, as I really haven't done anything right this week at all. I mean, I haven't been completely off the wagon since Sunday, but I haven't been making the best choices possible either. And I haven't been keeping my food log or blogging. The last two can be somewhat explained by the insanity at work, but it still is not anything to be glad about.
So, I need a recovery plan. Something to turn things around and get me focused again. I think I will start with the blog. I will make every effort to post at least one entry every day for the next week, in hopes that will inspire me to get back into the habits which had been serving me so well for 10 weeks.
I can do this.
Truefully, this week has been very hard on me professionally and personally, and I am glad to see the end of it. Here's to a better week 12.
I'm up 5.2 lbs this week, taking me back to 339.6. I can't say I'm surprised, as I really haven't done anything right this week at all. I mean, I haven't been completely off the wagon since Sunday, but I haven't been making the best choices possible either. And I haven't been keeping my food log or blogging. The last two can be somewhat explained by the insanity at work, but it still is not anything to be glad about.
So, I need a recovery plan. Something to turn things around and get me focused again. I think I will start with the blog. I will make every effort to post at least one entry every day for the next week, in hopes that will inspire me to get back into the habits which had been serving me so well for 10 weeks.
I can do this.
Monday, November 5, 2007
my first and last relapse
Ok, so no midweek report this week. I am afraid to look at the scale today, and am going to force myself to stay off it until Thursday. When I will most likely see a gain for the week.
I relapsed hard yesterday. I can't even begin to attempt to explain it. I can't even come up with an excuse let alone a rational reason why it happened.
One "good" thing... I feel like crap today. Physically I mean, not just emotionally (though that's there too). My stomach hurts and I have no energy. I remember binging feeling good, and it just doesn't any more. I feel like an alcoholic who sobered up for a while and then went on a bender only to find out that his body does experience hangovers now. I've become accustomed to being on plan, and it just doesn't feel good to go off any more.
Today is going to be the real test. Can I go back onto plan? Can I nip this in the bud before I undo all of my progress?
And can I forgive myself for being so monumentally stupid?
I can't let this happen again.
I relapsed hard yesterday. I can't even begin to attempt to explain it. I can't even come up with an excuse let alone a rational reason why it happened.
One "good" thing... I feel like crap today. Physically I mean, not just emotionally (though that's there too). My stomach hurts and I have no energy. I remember binging feeling good, and it just doesn't any more. I feel like an alcoholic who sobered up for a while and then went on a bender only to find out that his body does experience hangovers now. I've become accustomed to being on plan, and it just doesn't feel good to go off any more.
Today is going to be the real test. Can I go back onto plan? Can I nip this in the bud before I undo all of my progress?
And can I forgive myself for being so monumentally stupid?
I can't let this happen again.
Friday, November 2, 2007
anticlimatic conclusion of FIF
So it turns out that FIF ended yesterday after 10 weeks, not the 11 that I had thought. Somewhat anticlimactic since I really think I would have made the last couple of pounds to finish out my goal. Oh well.
Had lunch at a meeting today, and was bad enough to allow myself two chicken breasts with skin. They were baked ... so not as bad as fried at least. I'm not too worried about it, if that's the worst slip up I have to confess to its not much to worry over. I'll just focus on having an extra saintly dinner or something.
Had lunch at a meeting today, and was bad enough to allow myself two chicken breasts with skin. They were baked ... so not as bad as fried at least. I'm not too worried about it, if that's the worst slip up I have to confess to its not much to worry over. I'll just focus on having an extra saintly dinner or something.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
end of week 10
Ok, so who ever said that I know a damn thing about weight loss? Sometimes it seems like a science ==> food in - calories out = weight gain/loss. Other times, like today, it seems like black magic being performed on me by my scale whose only mission in life is to confuse the hell out of me. =)
So from Thursday morning last week through to Monday morning I only lost about a half a pound total. But then from Monday morning to today I dropped a full pound each day. I haven't the faintest clue why... I really didn't do anything all that different in the second half of the week compared to the first half.
So either a) I've broken through the plateau already, and have gotten a second wind back, b) this is a one time burst and next week i'll be back to around .2 a day or so, or c) I have no idea what to expect one way or the other because I'm confused as to what happened this week.
Seriously though, thanks to everyone for all the encouragement and comments this past week. It has been somewhat of a trial for me, and I hope that I can say that I've passed. Here's hoping for a smoother week 11.
Only one week left for FIF. I've already reached the original goal that I set for myself for the 11 weeks (25 lbs), and have a realistic chance of reaching the more aggressive goal of 60.
So from Thursday morning last week through to Monday morning I only lost about a half a pound total. But then from Monday morning to today I dropped a full pound each day. I haven't the faintest clue why... I really didn't do anything all that different in the second half of the week compared to the first half.
So either a) I've broken through the plateau already, and have gotten a second wind back, b) this is a one time burst and next week i'll be back to around .2 a day or so, or c) I have no idea what to expect one way or the other because I'm confused as to what happened this week.
Current weight: 334.4
Loss this week: 3.6 lbs
Total loss (10 weeks): 58.4 lbs
Fat lbs lost this week: about 4 lbs
Total fat lbs lost: approximately 64 lbs
Seriously though, thanks to everyone for all the encouragement and comments this past week. It has been somewhat of a trial for me, and I hope that I can say that I've passed. Here's hoping for a smoother week 11.
Only one week left for FIF. I've already reached the original goal that I set for myself for the 11 weeks (25 lbs), and have a realistic chance of reaching the more aggressive goal of 60.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
honeymoon's over
A couple of months ago, I said that I was in the honeymoon phase of my diet. I was just so excited about all the progress I was making, and found the changes I had made so simple and obvious that I couldn't even imagine a time when I would find it difficult.
Yeah, so that's not the case any more.
Now I'm to the most dangerous point of an attempt at a lifestyle change. I haven't been doing this long enough that it is natural to me, but long enough that I'm bored with it. Plus I have reached the point where I can't rely on having spectacular progress reports to cheer me up every half a week. I will get through this. I just need to square my shoulders and work my way through.
The Abs Diet warns you to explain to loved ones that when you restrict calories and get into an exercise routine you will likely experience random mood swings for a while. When I was on the abs diet approach in 2005, I did experience that. This time I thought I had avoided the problem, because I was just so upbeat for the first several weeks. But this past week I've been all over the place. I've been really depressed for no reason, I've been optimistic, I've been angry and discouraged. I think the excitement of losing weight so quickly this time blocked the emotional impact of the restricted diet and now that's wearing off.
Or maybe its completely unrelated, who knows.
Anyway, here's hoping that another 10 weeks finds me to the point where all of this comes more naturally, and has become a habit rather than an effort.
On the bright side, I jogged 1.1 miles yesterday, averaging 4.6 miles/hour. If I get in at least .8 miles today I'll make 25 miles total walked or jogged for the month. No idea if I'll be able to keep up the pace next month since I'm limited to the treadmills/track at the gym, and since November is a day shorter, but I'll give it my best shot.
Yeah, so that's not the case any more.
Now I'm to the most dangerous point of an attempt at a lifestyle change. I haven't been doing this long enough that it is natural to me, but long enough that I'm bored with it. Plus I have reached the point where I can't rely on having spectacular progress reports to cheer me up every half a week. I will get through this. I just need to square my shoulders and work my way through.
The Abs Diet warns you to explain to loved ones that when you restrict calories and get into an exercise routine you will likely experience random mood swings for a while. When I was on the abs diet approach in 2005, I did experience that. This time I thought I had avoided the problem, because I was just so upbeat for the first several weeks. But this past week I've been all over the place. I've been really depressed for no reason, I've been optimistic, I've been angry and discouraged. I think the excitement of losing weight so quickly this time blocked the emotional impact of the restricted diet and now that's wearing off.
Or maybe its completely unrelated, who knows.
Anyway, here's hoping that another 10 weeks finds me to the point where all of this comes more naturally, and has become a habit rather than an effort.
On the bright side, I jogged 1.1 miles yesterday, averaging 4.6 miles/hour. If I get in at least .8 miles today I'll make 25 miles total walked or jogged for the month. No idea if I'll be able to keep up the pace next month since I'm limited to the treadmills/track at the gym, and since November is a day shorter, but I'll give it my best shot.
Monday, October 29, 2007
mid week number 10
So I've officially hit my first plateau. The 330's are out to get me!
So we'll turn to other measurements for some positive news. When I went out to find a scale that would be high enough capacity to use for me, I also spent a few extra bucks and got one that does fat percentage. I haven't really paid attention to that so much yet, but have made note of it every now and again. Today I realized that using that, I could get a rough idea of how many pounds I've lost that were fat pounds and how many were lean/water pounds.
Anyway, I'm quite pleased to learn that of my 55.4 lbs weight loss... approximately 60 lbs were fat. So whatever water weight I've lost has been regained in extra lean mass, plus another 4.6 lbs for good measure.
This is a fairly big relief for me. While I enjoyed losing the first fifty pounds in only 8 weeks, I was always a little concerned that I was doing something wrong, and would end up losing muscle instead of fat. Apparently that isn't the case. I'm hoping that as I work my way through this wall I've hit I will be able to report fat pounds lost even if I can't report over all progress.
I do have a new roadblock/challenge in my way, though. My treadmill has decided to take a vacation. I can get it to turn on, and to claim to be going through the calibration sequence, but the belt just won't move at all. So I ended up getting no formal exercise yesterday (we did go shopping so I got a little bit of a walk in), and this morning I left the house at quarter past five to go to the gym and use one of their treadmills.
I am going to call tech support today at lunch to see if there's anything I can do. Unfortunately replacing the treadmill just isn't feasible at the moment, so I may be going without for a while. Hopefully I can get into the habit of getting over to the Y before work, but it does make for an awfully early morning.
Current weight: 337.4
Loss this week: .6 lbs
Total Loss: 55.4 lbs
So we'll turn to other measurements for some positive news. When I went out to find a scale that would be high enough capacity to use for me, I also spent a few extra bucks and got one that does fat percentage. I haven't really paid attention to that so much yet, but have made note of it every now and again. Today I realized that using that, I could get a rough idea of how many pounds I've lost that were fat pounds and how many were lean/water pounds.
Anyway, I'm quite pleased to learn that of my 55.4 lbs weight loss... approximately 60 lbs were fat. So whatever water weight I've lost has been regained in extra lean mass, plus another 4.6 lbs for good measure.
This is a fairly big relief for me. While I enjoyed losing the first fifty pounds in only 8 weeks, I was always a little concerned that I was doing something wrong, and would end up losing muscle instead of fat. Apparently that isn't the case. I'm hoping that as I work my way through this wall I've hit I will be able to report fat pounds lost even if I can't report over all progress.
I do have a new roadblock/challenge in my way, though. My treadmill has decided to take a vacation. I can get it to turn on, and to claim to be going through the calibration sequence, but the belt just won't move at all. So I ended up getting no formal exercise yesterday (we did go shopping so I got a little bit of a walk in), and this morning I left the house at quarter past five to go to the gym and use one of their treadmills.
I am going to call tech support today at lunch to see if there's anything I can do. Unfortunately replacing the treadmill just isn't feasible at the moment, so I may be going without for a while. Hopefully I can get into the habit of getting over to the Y before work, but it does make for an awfully early morning.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
a much better day.
So today was a much easier day. In part because my mood has lifted considerably. I had a good weigh in this morning (better than I dared hoped to be honest). I had a good workout at the gym tonight. Tomorrow I'll pass the 2o mile mark for the month, and it is the last day before a weekend. And best of all I went the whole day without wanting to go out and spoil my diet plan. While cravings like yesterday are not the norm, it has been a few weeks since I've really found staying on plan so appealing as I did today.
And of course blogging helped, and I got some really supportive and hopeful comments and e-mails. I'm feeling recommitted and reinvested, and ready to face the coming weeks and months.
And now for something completely different....
Teale asked me to give an explanation of programwide.
Programwide is a 36 hour retreat which I attend twice a year. All of SEOLS (Southeastern Ohio Legal Services, which is a legal aid program serving the 33 counties roughly south of Columbus and east of I-71) attorneys, paralegals, and support staff are required to attend. We have meetings about the state of the program, funding issues, and what each office (we have 8) is doing these days. About 2/3 of the business hours part of the retreat is spent on various trainings, including sessions which count towards continuing legal education (CLE) credits, such as the session on substance abuse. After dinner we are free for the evening, and generally hire a DJ and a bartender, that sort of thing.
In case anybody is curious and doesn't already know... I've been a legal aid attorney with SEOLS for two years now. Legal aid is essentially public defenders for civil matters. We provide direct representation to clients facing problems with eviction, foreclosure, consumer (debt collection, car sales/repairs, fraud, etc), public benefits (welfare, foodstamps, social security, medicaid, etc), and family law (divorce, custody, etc). We handle basically any kind of case unless it is criminal law or if the client would be able to get an attorney without our help (either court appointed or via a contingency fee agreement). We are only able to assist the very poor (under 125% of federal poverty guidelines, and don't get me started on how absurdly low the guidelines are), or the elderly (over 65), and we never charge our clients for our services. Federal law puts significant limitations on what we can and can't do, most significantly we are not allowed to bring a class action suit, and we are not allowed to ask that the opposing party pay us attorneys fees as part of a judgment or settlement. I work in Chillicothe, Ohio, which serves Ross, Pickaway, Jackson, Pike, and Fayette Counties.
Anyway, this has gotten far enough off topic for one entry :) But hopefully now if I mention something about work you'll have some context.
And of course blogging helped, and I got some really supportive and hopeful comments and e-mails. I'm feeling recommitted and reinvested, and ready to face the coming weeks and months.
And now for something completely different....
Teale asked me to give an explanation of programwide.
Programwide is a 36 hour retreat which I attend twice a year. All of SEOLS (Southeastern Ohio Legal Services, which is a legal aid program serving the 33 counties roughly south of Columbus and east of I-71) attorneys, paralegals, and support staff are required to attend. We have meetings about the state of the program, funding issues, and what each office (we have 8) is doing these days. About 2/3 of the business hours part of the retreat is spent on various trainings, including sessions which count towards continuing legal education (CLE) credits, such as the session on substance abuse. After dinner we are free for the evening, and generally hire a DJ and a bartender, that sort of thing.
In case anybody is curious and doesn't already know... I've been a legal aid attorney with SEOLS for two years now. Legal aid is essentially public defenders for civil matters. We provide direct representation to clients facing problems with eviction, foreclosure, consumer (debt collection, car sales/repairs, fraud, etc), public benefits (welfare, foodstamps, social security, medicaid, etc), and family law (divorce, custody, etc). We handle basically any kind of case unless it is criminal law or if the client would be able to get an attorney without our help (either court appointed or via a contingency fee agreement). We are only able to assist the very poor (under 125% of federal poverty guidelines, and don't get me started on how absurdly low the guidelines are), or the elderly (over 65), and we never charge our clients for our services. Federal law puts significant limitations on what we can and can't do, most significantly we are not allowed to bring a class action suit, and we are not allowed to ask that the opposing party pay us attorneys fees as part of a judgment or settlement. I work in Chillicothe, Ohio, which serves Ross, Pickaway, Jackson, Pike, and Fayette Counties.
Anyway, this has gotten far enough off topic for one entry :) But hopefully now if I mention something about work you'll have some context.
Nine weeks down
As I expected, I did not have the most stellar of weeks, though nothing I can complain about. I'm starting to get to the point where I have to expect to slow down even further, probably approaching 2 lbs a week or so. Damn physics =)
Which is really not bad considering I took three days which were kinda half on plan half off at the beginning of this week. But even the second half of the week where I was completely on plan was a little slower than I'd grown accustomed to. I may hit another good burst of quick loss in the future, but realistically I'd say the days of losing nearly a full pound every day are gone.
Current Weight: 338.0
Weight loss this week: 3.8 lbs
Total for 9 weeks: 54.8 lbs
Percentage of End Obesity: 33.05 %
Which is really not bad considering I took three days which were kinda half on plan half off at the beginning of this week. But even the second half of the week where I was completely on plan was a little slower than I'd grown accustomed to. I may hit another good burst of quick loss in the future, but realistically I'd say the days of losing nearly a full pound every day are gone.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
it never ends, does it?
Be forewarned, I'm in somewhat of a self-pity/bitchy mood, so this will be more of an chance to vent some frustration than any intelligent discourse.
I imagine a day, somewhere in the future, when I don't have self destructive compulsions. When I don't want to go out and buy more food than an average family should eat in a week and sit in front of the tv for hours just stuffing myself to the point of being sick. That day certainly has not arrived.
Today I had the strongest craving for Kroger's baked chicken, with the skin and the oh so salty seasoning. I barely know how to describe it. If you've felt such a craving, you already know, if you haven't, you don't and you're lucky. I felt as if I needed something high in fat and salt like I need air. Like a piece of me went missing. Deciding to resist caused me literally to break out into a sweat and my hands to shake. I started to feel ill, like I was going to pass out if I didn't just stop and indulge. I even broke down enough to stop and walk into the store, and just stood there staring at the display. And then I turned around, bought an apple and a bottle of water, and headed back for my car.
In a way this was a victory of sorts, but it feels like the most abject of defeats. After nine weeks of working so hard, of making such good progress, and there I was begging myself just to throw it all away. Just to take what I wanted now, tomorrow be damned. And Liz be damned and my friends be damned and my very life be damned, just so I could have that taste again. Just so I could have for five minutes that sensation of pure taste and abandon. I hate that part of me.
And it hates me back. Its the part of me that wants me to fail. To never take risks, to never draw attention to myself, to never speak to anyone or be with anyone. The part of me that tells me to just stay in bed and be alone forever.
And a horrible thought hit me today, and I can't help but think that its right. I don't think it will ever go away, this craving. I can suppress it. I can deny it. I can block it with healthy foods and water. But it will always be a part of me. I will never be like Liz or Tim or any of my other healthy friends who can allow themselves to do whatever they want as far as food is concerned. And it isn't because they have more willpower or higher metabolisms, its because they simply don't want what I want. Liz would be disgusted to even imagine eating a quarter of some of the meals that I now remember with a mixture of horror and fond longing. If your worst craving is for an occasional can of mountain dew or a icecream cone, guess what, you can have the ice cream cone and the mountain dew. You could even give in to the temptation to have both in a single day. You can even basically replace water in your diet with mountain dew if you want (and he knows who I'm talking about). And it won't matter.
I figured out that a box of that baked chicken that I loved so much, that would work out to over 35 points. More than a days worth of calories, beyond a week's worth of saturated fat. And there have been times when that was just the main course of a single meal. I've gone entire weeks without a single vegetable other than the lettuce that comes on hamburgers. That is who I am. That is how I got to be as I am now.
Am I changed? Or am I just lying to myself?
Will I ever be able to come across this entry in my archives and say, "man, I haven't felt a craving like that in weeks?" Months? Or will it always be a daily struggle for me? Can you really change who you are?
As an attorney, I have to attend a training every other year on "substance abuse." This is because attorneys are like five times as likely as non-attorneys to be alcoholics or become drug users. [This isn't the real stat, just made up to make the point... but there are a lot of alcoholic attorneys out there.] The criteria for what constitutes SA training is fairly broad. Usually it is geared towards either identifying drinking problems in people around you or how to get someone help or how to get help for yourself.
I have attended three of these sessions now. Once in lawschool, and two after lawschool. [heck, thinking back on it, I was sitting next to someone who reads this blog during the one in lawschool ;)]. I have never made it through one of these trainings yet with dry eyes. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind admitting that I have extremely overactive tear ducts for a guy... I cry every single time I watch "Wonderful Life." So the fact that I get teary eyed doesn't necessarily mean all that much.
In lawschool, it was during that lecture that I had the moment when I first admitted to myself that I had a real problem with food and with my weight. That started me off on my first real attempt at life style change. And I lost like 40 lbs, but gained it all back with interest. As it happens, my friend who was sitting next to me that day is also the same person who came out of nowhere and somehow convinced me to get back on the wagon this fall. I have moments when I seriously wonder if she isn't an angel of some sort.
The most recent one of these was about a week ago now at Programwide. It was planned by a wonderful woman who happens to be married to one of my bosses. She is a counselor of some sort for people with drug/alcohol issues. According to her talk, studies have found a brainwave pattern in alcoholics which is not found in non alcoholics. This wave is either balanced or canceled, or something, by the ingestion of alcohol. And here's the kicker. This brainwave is considered to be a medical basis for the insistence by many alcoholics that they only feel "normal" when they are drunk. That without alcohol they just don't feel right in some vague sort of way. And further research has suggested that such a thing exists for other addictions as well.
This hit me like a ton of bricks. Months or maybe even years ago, Liz asked me why I eat the way I do, why I enjoy food so much. And the best answer I could come up with wasn't that food makes me feel good. I don't feel a high from really rich chocolate or particularly yummy dessert, or a fat and salt infused chicken breast. No, I eat those things because I feel normal when I eat them. Like without them something just isn't right with the world.
So no, I doubt I will ever be so good, so faithful, so hardworking in this new lifestyle that I don't have the occasional overwhelming urge to chuck it all overboard and go on a bender. My only hope is that with the help of Liz and my friends I can get past the hard parts. And that when I do slip up, I will be able to find my feet again.
I imagine a day, somewhere in the future, when I don't have self destructive compulsions. When I don't want to go out and buy more food than an average family should eat in a week and sit in front of the tv for hours just stuffing myself to the point of being sick. That day certainly has not arrived.
Today I had the strongest craving for Kroger's baked chicken, with the skin and the oh so salty seasoning. I barely know how to describe it. If you've felt such a craving, you already know, if you haven't, you don't and you're lucky. I felt as if I needed something high in fat and salt like I need air. Like a piece of me went missing. Deciding to resist caused me literally to break out into a sweat and my hands to shake. I started to feel ill, like I was going to pass out if I didn't just stop and indulge. I even broke down enough to stop and walk into the store, and just stood there staring at the display. And then I turned around, bought an apple and a bottle of water, and headed back for my car.
In a way this was a victory of sorts, but it feels like the most abject of defeats. After nine weeks of working so hard, of making such good progress, and there I was begging myself just to throw it all away. Just to take what I wanted now, tomorrow be damned. And Liz be damned and my friends be damned and my very life be damned, just so I could have that taste again. Just so I could have for five minutes that sensation of pure taste and abandon. I hate that part of me.
And it hates me back. Its the part of me that wants me to fail. To never take risks, to never draw attention to myself, to never speak to anyone or be with anyone. The part of me that tells me to just stay in bed and be alone forever.
And a horrible thought hit me today, and I can't help but think that its right. I don't think it will ever go away, this craving. I can suppress it. I can deny it. I can block it with healthy foods and water. But it will always be a part of me. I will never be like Liz or Tim or any of my other healthy friends who can allow themselves to do whatever they want as far as food is concerned. And it isn't because they have more willpower or higher metabolisms, its because they simply don't want what I want. Liz would be disgusted to even imagine eating a quarter of some of the meals that I now remember with a mixture of horror and fond longing. If your worst craving is for an occasional can of mountain dew or a icecream cone, guess what, you can have the ice cream cone and the mountain dew. You could even give in to the temptation to have both in a single day. You can even basically replace water in your diet with mountain dew if you want (and he knows who I'm talking about). And it won't matter.
I figured out that a box of that baked chicken that I loved so much, that would work out to over 35 points. More than a days worth of calories, beyond a week's worth of saturated fat. And there have been times when that was just the main course of a single meal. I've gone entire weeks without a single vegetable other than the lettuce that comes on hamburgers. That is who I am. That is how I got to be as I am now.
Am I changed? Or am I just lying to myself?
Will I ever be able to come across this entry in my archives and say, "man, I haven't felt a craving like that in weeks?" Months? Or will it always be a daily struggle for me? Can you really change who you are?
As an attorney, I have to attend a training every other year on "substance abuse." This is because attorneys are like five times as likely as non-attorneys to be alcoholics or become drug users. [This isn't the real stat, just made up to make the point... but there are a lot of alcoholic attorneys out there.] The criteria for what constitutes SA training is fairly broad. Usually it is geared towards either identifying drinking problems in people around you or how to get someone help or how to get help for yourself.
I have attended three of these sessions now. Once in lawschool, and two after lawschool. [heck, thinking back on it, I was sitting next to someone who reads this blog during the one in lawschool ;)]. I have never made it through one of these trainings yet with dry eyes. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind admitting that I have extremely overactive tear ducts for a guy... I cry every single time I watch "Wonderful Life." So the fact that I get teary eyed doesn't necessarily mean all that much.
In lawschool, it was during that lecture that I had the moment when I first admitted to myself that I had a real problem with food and with my weight. That started me off on my first real attempt at life style change. And I lost like 40 lbs, but gained it all back with interest. As it happens, my friend who was sitting next to me that day is also the same person who came out of nowhere and somehow convinced me to get back on the wagon this fall. I have moments when I seriously wonder if she isn't an angel of some sort.
The most recent one of these was about a week ago now at Programwide. It was planned by a wonderful woman who happens to be married to one of my bosses. She is a counselor of some sort for people with drug/alcohol issues. According to her talk, studies have found a brainwave pattern in alcoholics which is not found in non alcoholics. This wave is either balanced or canceled, or something, by the ingestion of alcohol. And here's the kicker. This brainwave is considered to be a medical basis for the insistence by many alcoholics that they only feel "normal" when they are drunk. That without alcohol they just don't feel right in some vague sort of way. And further research has suggested that such a thing exists for other addictions as well.
This hit me like a ton of bricks. Months or maybe even years ago, Liz asked me why I eat the way I do, why I enjoy food so much. And the best answer I could come up with wasn't that food makes me feel good. I don't feel a high from really rich chocolate or particularly yummy dessert, or a fat and salt infused chicken breast. No, I eat those things because I feel normal when I eat them. Like without them something just isn't right with the world.
So no, I doubt I will ever be so good, so faithful, so hardworking in this new lifestyle that I don't have the occasional overwhelming urge to chuck it all overboard and go on a bender. My only hope is that with the help of Liz and my friends I can get past the hard parts. And that when I do slip up, I will be able to find my feet again.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
told you so
So in the past I've been inertia's bitch. Kind of makes sense, what with my size and what not. And this morning I had a relapse of that. But tonight I got off my butt and kept my word to myself. (Thanks Dee and Lisa for the inspiration).
It really does surprise me how much harder the increased incline makes the work on the treadmill. I got in a mile with 60% jogging, but the longest I could do in one stretch was .3 miles. And, let me say that just about killed me. I assume this happens to other people too... but when I am pushing myself extra hard, I sometimes get a ache in the right side of my stomach. I should say I used to, because frankly I haven't pushed myself that hard since highschool soccer practice, until tonight. It was almost pleasant in a weird way. I have never worked that hard just for my own benefit, always before it was because I had someone (soccer coaches to be exact) pushing me to go past my comfort zone. I like to think it means I'm doing everything that I can do.
Today was a odd day in that I stayed under on points, but feel as if I over indulged in food. Just everything I had was fairly low calorie. That happens a lot when I really go overboard on steamed veggies... since they have like no points (well, about one per serving). I end up feeling as full as I would have felt back in my binging days, but with only about a tenth of the calories, if that. As far as I know, such days aren't a problem, so long as I keep my taste for veggies and don't switch back to potato chips!
Liz made a really good treat for me the other day. I don't have the exact recipe, but its basically no sugar cheesecake flavor pudding mixed made up with condensed milk blended with canned pumpkin, with lots of extra cinnamon added for flavor and for fiber. And a whole cup is only 2 points. And I get to have dessert :)
It really does surprise me how much harder the increased incline makes the work on the treadmill. I got in a mile with 60% jogging, but the longest I could do in one stretch was .3 miles. And, let me say that just about killed me. I assume this happens to other people too... but when I am pushing myself extra hard, I sometimes get a ache in the right side of my stomach. I should say I used to, because frankly I haven't pushed myself that hard since highschool soccer practice, until tonight. It was almost pleasant in a weird way. I have never worked that hard just for my own benefit, always before it was because I had someone (soccer coaches to be exact) pushing me to go past my comfort zone. I like to think it means I'm doing everything that I can do.
Today was a odd day in that I stayed under on points, but feel as if I over indulged in food. Just everything I had was fairly low calorie. That happens a lot when I really go overboard on steamed veggies... since they have like no points (well, about one per serving). I end up feeling as full as I would have felt back in my binging days, but with only about a tenth of the calories, if that. As far as I know, such days aren't a problem, so long as I keep my taste for veggies and don't switch back to potato chips!
Liz made a really good treat for me the other day. I don't have the exact recipe, but its basically no sugar cheesecake flavor pudding mixed made up with condensed milk blended with canned pumpkin, with lots of extra cinnamon added for flavor and for fiber. And a whole cup is only 2 points. And I get to have dessert :)
lunch break
Dunno why, but I just could not make myself do my treadmill this morning. So I went in to work a little early, and headed down to the Y during my lunch. Now I need to just grab a quick lunch and head out, cause I've got appointments this afternoon out of town.
I will do my treadmill this evening. I will stay on plan.
I will do my treadmill this evening. I will stay on plan.
Monday, October 22, 2007
First of many
I did it!!
For what I believe to be the first time in my life, I just jogged a full mile without resting!
I did it at an average of 4.2 mph (.1 at 4.0, .8 at 4.2, .1 at 4.5), and at a 1 degree incline. Tomorrow I'm back at 5 degrees, but I think I may take a day every week to do a mile or more at 1 degree, at least until I've gotten to the point of doing the mile at 5.
For what I believe to be the first time in my life, I just jogged a full mile without resting!
I did it at an average of 4.2 mph (.1 at 4.0, .8 at 4.2, .1 at 4.5), and at a 1 degree incline. Tomorrow I'm back at 5 degrees, but I think I may take a day every week to do a mile or more at 1 degree, at least until I've gotten to the point of doing the mile at 5.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
inching closer to that first mile
I wasn't sure, with a few days off, how well my treadmill workout would go today. But I managed to push myself up to .75 miles jogging and only .25 walking. My legs were a little stiff at first, but they worked out ok as I got going.
Last week when I had to do a leg workout without the Y being open, I decided to try walking a mile on the treadmill set to 10 degrees (its max) instead of my standard 5. It was a much harder workout than I had been anticipating. Thinking about it now, I think tomorrow I might try my jog with the treadmill set to flat, and see how much easier it is there. No promises, but If it makes as much of a difference as I suspect, I may shoot to jog a full mile tomorrow. Then whatever happens, I'll go back to the 5 degrees the day after, and continue working my way up to a mile on that setting.
Now I need to go fix breakfast :) Quick tip - Kroger brand frozen veggies makes two different sizes of chopped broccoli. The smaller size pieces work really well in omelets (I use store brand egg beaters for mine)
Last week when I had to do a leg workout without the Y being open, I decided to try walking a mile on the treadmill set to 10 degrees (its max) instead of my standard 5. It was a much harder workout than I had been anticipating. Thinking about it now, I think tomorrow I might try my jog with the treadmill set to flat, and see how much easier it is there. No promises, but If it makes as much of a difference as I suspect, I may shoot to jog a full mile tomorrow. Then whatever happens, I'll go back to the 5 degrees the day after, and continue working my way up to a mile on that setting.
Now I need to go fix breakfast :) Quick tip - Kroger brand frozen veggies makes two different sizes of chopped broccoli. The smaller size pieces work really well in omelets (I use store brand egg beaters for mine)
midweek report for week 9
I was writing my midweek report in bed this morning, and in my head it started something like this...
"Well, I always said there'd be weeks like this. I'm afraid I have to report my first negative loss. Now its only a midweek report, and I can't say I'm surprised with programwide then a visit in Z-ville followed by my parents coming down to watch the games yesterday."
and so on. But by some miracle, I don't have a negative report. I don't have much of a loss to show, but it is still in the right direction :)
I did get out to the Y yesterday, but I did not get my treadmill in for the day. I did the Y in the morning because a) they close at 4:30, and b) my parents were arriving at around 3 to watch the buckeyes game. I figured I'd get the treadmill in before bed, but we ended up watching the Michigan and the Indians games (extremely painful, btw), and by the time we called it a night I could barely walk up the stairs before falling asleep. I feel somewhat guilty about it now... its the first time in three weeks or so that sticking to my schedule would have been practicable, and only lack of motivation/energy on my part made me slack.
But it's done, and I'm back on the wagon, so I'm not going to obsess. And hell, I've still made some, if not stellar, progress this week. Can't complain about that!
And as of today I'm back on a normal schedule... no expectations of any specific challenges until Saturday. Saturday I'm attending a wedding and a costume party, so I'll probably only do my treadmill in the morning and not get an evening workout, plus who knows what I'll end up doing food wise. But at least I can end out this week strong and try to make up for some lost time.
"Well, I always said there'd be weeks like this. I'm afraid I have to report my first negative loss. Now its only a midweek report, and I can't say I'm surprised with programwide then a visit in Z-ville followed by my parents coming down to watch the games yesterday."
and so on. But by some miracle, I don't have a negative report. I don't have much of a loss to show, but it is still in the right direction :)
Current Weight : 340.8
Loss this half week: 1 lb
Loss for 8.5 weeks: 52 lbs.
I did get out to the Y yesterday, but I did not get my treadmill in for the day. I did the Y in the morning because a) they close at 4:30, and b) my parents were arriving at around 3 to watch the buckeyes game. I figured I'd get the treadmill in before bed, but we ended up watching the Michigan and the Indians games (extremely painful, btw), and by the time we called it a night I could barely walk up the stairs before falling asleep. I feel somewhat guilty about it now... its the first time in three weeks or so that sticking to my schedule would have been practicable, and only lack of motivation/energy on my part made me slack.
But it's done, and I'm back on the wagon, so I'm not going to obsess. And hell, I've still made some, if not stellar, progress this week. Can't complain about that!
And as of today I'm back on a normal schedule... no expectations of any specific challenges until Saturday. Saturday I'm attending a wedding and a costume party, so I'll probably only do my treadmill in the morning and not get an evening workout, plus who knows what I'll end up doing food wise. But at least I can end out this week strong and try to make up for some lost time.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
one down, twenty two to go
I accomplished one of my "once i've lost weight" goals this week. Specifically, "18) Dance at bars or programwides without having to be drunk first."
This programwide I danced as much as I wanted, and just decided that I didn't really give a rat patootie what people might think I looked like. I was having fun, and that's what mattered. And I didn't have a single drop of anything stronger than water the whole time I was in Burr Oak.
The other positive weight loss news is that when I saw my parents Friday afternoon (first time i'd been over to see them in about five weeks), they immediately noticed that I have been making progress. They are now two of the extremely few people who have done so without being told I was trying to do so, so that made me feel more confident. Programwide had taken on a kind of signficance to me to see if people not aware of the blog or any of this would notice the change in me, and when nobody said anything about it I got myself somewhat depressed. I mean, I know that it is extremely likely that it was noticeable to some of my friends, but they just felt it would be impolite to mention it, like when you're cautious about asking a woman friend if they're pregnant unless you're really really sure of the answer. But there were a couple of people I had hoped, based on their general attitudes towards such rules, would say something, and none of them did.
Programwide as a whole was pretty good, and relaxing. In the terms relevant to this blog, however, it was something of a mini disaster.
As predicted, the only options for lunch on Tuesday were hamburgers, hotdogs, baked beans (and I have no doubt loaded with both fat and HFCS), potato salad (I know potatoes are technically a vegetable, but I don't count them as such), and potato chips (especially in chip form). I did try a veggie burger, and to my surprise it was actually really tasty. I did go ahead and have it on a bun, just because I wanted to be able to cover it in toppings and I don't have enough practice eating leaf sandwiches to want to do so in front of a lot of other people (I always end up with a huge mess).
Then dinner was a little better, there were steamed (but overly so) green beans with carrots, something approaching a cesar salad with grilled chicken (I skipped the parm. and croutons) and penne with a marinara which had squash pieces cooked into it. I probably should have skipped the pasta, but I was a captive audience with little in the way of options (no car and the closest town about a half hour drive away), and I knew I'd need the energy for the party that night.
Friday didn't go much better. I had lunch at a buffet with my parents, and I did pick healthy options, but I still ate too many of them. I don't think any single item was at all problematic... ok, the grilled chicken did have Teriyaki on it, but other than that everything by itself was great, but two plates of healthy food plus some fruit for dessert still adds up. Plus it turned out to be my only meal of the day, so while I was likely under on points, I had them all at once, which is very not on plan.
I may or may not go back and figure out my points for the past two days. I hate doing so when I'm having something like pasta sauce without having access to that particular recipie or label, as it varies so much by what you put in it. And I know I overate, so I may just put down 40 points for each day and leave it at that.
On the "move more" side of things, I did a lot better. After dinner I went for about a mile walk, down this hill to the lake, around a good chunk of the lake, and then back up an a fairly huge hill (that was really rough, my heart rate felt like it was pushing the max HR boundary by the time I reached the top). Then of course dancing at the party (from about 9 till 1:30, I was probably dancing 40% of the time, and drinking lots of water). Then another walk outdoors yesterday after lunch, prob. about a mile again. Then a strength training when I got home last night. Which was more difficult than usual because I only got about about three hours sleep Thurs. night, and got home at around 9 pm.
And on the "motivate better" arena... well I really have to give major appreciation on that front to Dee and Scale Junkie for their posts here, and to everyone who left comments or e-mails while I was gone. Starting this blog was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself. And to think that other people are looking to me for any sort of example... that's a true shock, and will be a huge motivator as I move forward.
Thank you all so much!
This programwide I danced as much as I wanted, and just decided that I didn't really give a rat patootie what people might think I looked like. I was having fun, and that's what mattered. And I didn't have a single drop of anything stronger than water the whole time I was in Burr Oak.
The other positive weight loss news is that when I saw my parents Friday afternoon (first time i'd been over to see them in about five weeks), they immediately noticed that I have been making progress. They are now two of the extremely few people who have done so without being told I was trying to do so, so that made me feel more confident. Programwide had taken on a kind of signficance to me to see if people not aware of the blog or any of this would notice the change in me, and when nobody said anything about it I got myself somewhat depressed. I mean, I know that it is extremely likely that it was noticeable to some of my friends, but they just felt it would be impolite to mention it, like when you're cautious about asking a woman friend if they're pregnant unless you're really really sure of the answer. But there were a couple of people I had hoped, based on their general attitudes towards such rules, would say something, and none of them did.
Programwide as a whole was pretty good, and relaxing. In the terms relevant to this blog, however, it was something of a mini disaster.
As predicted, the only options for lunch on Tuesday were hamburgers, hotdogs, baked beans (and I have no doubt loaded with both fat and HFCS), potato salad (I know potatoes are technically a vegetable, but I don't count them as such), and potato chips (especially in chip form). I did try a veggie burger, and to my surprise it was actually really tasty. I did go ahead and have it on a bun, just because I wanted to be able to cover it in toppings and I don't have enough practice eating leaf sandwiches to want to do so in front of a lot of other people (I always end up with a huge mess).
Then dinner was a little better, there were steamed (but overly so) green beans with carrots, something approaching a cesar salad with grilled chicken (I skipped the parm. and croutons) and penne with a marinara which had squash pieces cooked into it. I probably should have skipped the pasta, but I was a captive audience with little in the way of options (no car and the closest town about a half hour drive away), and I knew I'd need the energy for the party that night.
Friday didn't go much better. I had lunch at a buffet with my parents, and I did pick healthy options, but I still ate too many of them. I don't think any single item was at all problematic... ok, the grilled chicken did have Teriyaki on it, but other than that everything by itself was great, but two plates of healthy food plus some fruit for dessert still adds up. Plus it turned out to be my only meal of the day, so while I was likely under on points, I had them all at once, which is very not on plan.
I may or may not go back and figure out my points for the past two days. I hate doing so when I'm having something like pasta sauce without having access to that particular recipie or label, as it varies so much by what you put in it. And I know I overate, so I may just put down 40 points for each day and leave it at that.
On the "move more" side of things, I did a lot better. After dinner I went for about a mile walk, down this hill to the lake, around a good chunk of the lake, and then back up an a fairly huge hill (that was really rough, my heart rate felt like it was pushing the max HR boundary by the time I reached the top). Then of course dancing at the party (from about 9 till 1:30, I was probably dancing 40% of the time, and drinking lots of water). Then another walk outdoors yesterday after lunch, prob. about a mile again. Then a strength training when I got home last night. Which was more difficult than usual because I only got about about three hours sleep Thurs. night, and got home at around 9 pm.
And on the "motivate better" arena... well I really have to give major appreciation on that front to Dee and Scale Junkie for their posts here, and to everyone who left comments or e-mails while I was gone. Starting this blog was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself. And to think that other people are looking to me for any sort of example... that's a true shock, and will be a huge motivator as I move forward.
Thank you all so much!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Fifty One. Week 8 results.
As of right now, I'm 51 lbs less obese than I was 8 weeks ago today. For the record, that's a total of :
current weight: 341.8
loss this week: 5.4
loss overall: 51
percent of 2008 goal: 30.76%
More on what this all means for me when I get back on Saturday.
current weight: 341.8
loss this week: 5.4
loss overall: 51
percent of 2008 goal: 30.76%
More on what this all means for me when I get back on Saturday.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
another trip to the gym
So I'm about to leave for another workout at the gym. Today marks 21 days in a row that I've gotten in both planned workouts. Not a bad first run. Tomorrow I will almost certainly miss my afternoon workout and then Friday I'll miss the morning jog. But I'm recommitting myself to getting back on the horse Saturday.
This will be the last workout vacation until at least Thanksgiving.
So I still don't really have a plan for how to get through my retreat (called programwide, btw). Not drinking shouldn't be too hard, the place we're going has a lousy bar anyway, and I'm trying to stay in budget this month. Lunch will be all but impossible... I don't recall there being any veggies last year, except veggie burgers. One thing I have not yet learned to tolerate is fake meat products. I love all sorts of veggies, and I've even learned to like tofu... but fake meat stuff is just wrong for me.
Do you ever drink out of a glass thinking it's milk and it turns out to be OJ or something else? You like OJ, it tastes fine, but in that moment it just tastes wrong. Like your body is all set to register milk, so the taste you get is interpreted not as OJ but as really funny tasting milk? That's kind of how fake meat tastes to me. Like I can't convince my eyes that it isn't going to taste like real beef or whatever, and then when it doesn't it just tastes... wrong.
So I think the best solution for tomorrow will be to just do the best I can, try to stick with beans and any veggies that do show up. And not worry too much about it if I am not perfect.
You know, there are so many reasons in my life I have no right to be an uptight perfectionist with myself. One of these days one will get through to me ;)
If anybody reads here who doesn't read scale junkie... check out her letter to herself. I need to say the same thing to myself pretty much every time things don't go perfectly, I'm just not as articulate about it. Thanks for the inspiration, SJ :)
This will be the last workout vacation until at least Thanksgiving.
So I still don't really have a plan for how to get through my retreat (called programwide, btw). Not drinking shouldn't be too hard, the place we're going has a lousy bar anyway, and I'm trying to stay in budget this month. Lunch will be all but impossible... I don't recall there being any veggies last year, except veggie burgers. One thing I have not yet learned to tolerate is fake meat products. I love all sorts of veggies, and I've even learned to like tofu... but fake meat stuff is just wrong for me.
Do you ever drink out of a glass thinking it's milk and it turns out to be OJ or something else? You like OJ, it tastes fine, but in that moment it just tastes wrong. Like your body is all set to register milk, so the taste you get is interpreted not as OJ but as really funny tasting milk? That's kind of how fake meat tastes to me. Like I can't convince my eyes that it isn't going to taste like real beef or whatever, and then when it doesn't it just tastes... wrong.
So I think the best solution for tomorrow will be to just do the best I can, try to stick with beans and any veggies that do show up. And not worry too much about it if I am not perfect.
You know, there are so many reasons in my life I have no right to be an uptight perfectionist with myself. One of these days one will get through to me ;)
If anybody reads here who doesn't read scale junkie... check out her letter to herself. I need to say the same thing to myself pretty much every time things don't go perfectly, I'm just not as articulate about it. Thanks for the inspiration, SJ :)
a new day
Its a new day, and a new, more positive outlook. I got an unusually restful night's sleep, woke up to a healthy breakfast and a even healthier jog. Tomorrow is a weigh in, and I'm cautiously optimistic that I will pass the 50 lb mark.
As for the jog... I'm now up to doing a mile in 4 sections of .1 walk/.15 jog, though I dropped my jogging speed back down to 4.0 for three of the four jogging sections. Once I'm back up to doing 4.5 mph, I'll start pushing myself to .2 miles jogging at a time. I'm also up to 14.3 miles for October. I have little doubt I'll get to 20 miles for the month, maybe 25 if I push it, though I am going to have to take Friday the 19th off. I think 25 miles a month is a good target to end out the year, then next year I'll try for 30.
I have to leave extra early tomorrow morning, so It'll probably just be a quick post with my results for week 8. Then I'll be back here either late Friday or mid day Saturday, depending on whether I come straight back home or if I head up to Z-ville Friday night.
-------------------------------
I do want to take a second to explain one of my subversive thoughts from yesterday, because I don't want to leave anyone with a false impression. When Liz suggested that I might need liposuction at the end of my journey, it wasn't because she lacks confidence in me or is not supportive. Liz really has a lot more confidence in my ability to keep at this project than I do. Her reasoning was based on some research cited in the Abs Diet (which we've both read). The author says that abdominal fat consists of lipids, and that lipid cells can only expand so far before they split into two cells. He also says that while it is possible to remove the fat from a lipid cell, it is impossible to make it disappear all together. Therefore once you have x lipid cells in your abdomen, you can only lose weight by making each cell as small as possible. Liz is worried that I have so many lipids now that even if I empty them as much as physically possible, I will still be overweight from where I want to be. As we read the Abs Diet's reasoning, the most dedicated body builder would need liposuction to get past a certain point.
I'm holding out hope that that no more progress level is somewhere below the obesity mark, if not below the healthy weight mark, and that I will just decide that I had reached a level where I could happily maintain my weight. Liz thinks it might be higher than that. However, even if I am happy with my weight, it might make sense to have some of the cells removed, as the cells themselves are potentially harmful (release hormones that can cause high blood pressure, etc) and having the cells there makes it easier to regain the weight once I've lost it, which I definitely don't want to do.
Anyway, this is all a couple of years away, so I'm not going to worry about it right now. I just wanted to set the record straight.
------------------------------
Chubby Chick, thank you so much for your kind comment from yesterday. I know you don't have a lot of spare blog time this week, so I am honored that you took time to read through my somewhat self-pitying rant yesterday :) I promise to keep posting!
As for the jog... I'm now up to doing a mile in 4 sections of .1 walk/.15 jog, though I dropped my jogging speed back down to 4.0 for three of the four jogging sections. Once I'm back up to doing 4.5 mph, I'll start pushing myself to .2 miles jogging at a time. I'm also up to 14.3 miles for October. I have little doubt I'll get to 20 miles for the month, maybe 25 if I push it, though I am going to have to take Friday the 19th off. I think 25 miles a month is a good target to end out the year, then next year I'll try for 30.
I have to leave extra early tomorrow morning, so It'll probably just be a quick post with my results for week 8. Then I'll be back here either late Friday or mid day Saturday, depending on whether I come straight back home or if I head up to Z-ville Friday night.
-------------------------------
I do want to take a second to explain one of my subversive thoughts from yesterday, because I don't want to leave anyone with a false impression. When Liz suggested that I might need liposuction at the end of my journey, it wasn't because she lacks confidence in me or is not supportive. Liz really has a lot more confidence in my ability to keep at this project than I do. Her reasoning was based on some research cited in the Abs Diet (which we've both read). The author says that abdominal fat consists of lipids, and that lipid cells can only expand so far before they split into two cells. He also says that while it is possible to remove the fat from a lipid cell, it is impossible to make it disappear all together. Therefore once you have x lipid cells in your abdomen, you can only lose weight by making each cell as small as possible. Liz is worried that I have so many lipids now that even if I empty them as much as physically possible, I will still be overweight from where I want to be. As we read the Abs Diet's reasoning, the most dedicated body builder would need liposuction to get past a certain point.
I'm holding out hope that that no more progress level is somewhere below the obesity mark, if not below the healthy weight mark, and that I will just decide that I had reached a level where I could happily maintain my weight. Liz thinks it might be higher than that. However, even if I am happy with my weight, it might make sense to have some of the cells removed, as the cells themselves are potentially harmful (release hormones that can cause high blood pressure, etc) and having the cells there makes it easier to regain the weight once I've lost it, which I definitely don't want to do.
Anyway, this is all a couple of years away, so I'm not going to worry about it right now. I just wanted to set the record straight.
------------------------------
Chubby Chick, thank you so much for your kind comment from yesterday. I know you don't have a lot of spare blog time this week, so I am honored that you took time to read through my somewhat self-pitying rant yesterday :) I promise to keep posting!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
motivation issues
I've been on plan every day for the past several days without a post, but it has been more of a challenge than previously. Last night was particularly difficult. I just didn't really want to go out to the gym, and I really really wanted to binge. To be honest, I'm not 100% sure why it was that I ended up going to the gym and staying well under on points for the day.
Some days its fairly simple. I feel excited about my goals, about how well I'm advancing towards them, about looking forward to surprising people who hadn't seen me in a while. Then, just in the past week or so, I've been having an increasing feeling of "who cares."
These are the kinds of things going through my mind :
I'm proud of the fact that despite these barbs of internal sabotage, I stayed on plan yesterday. And I plan to again today, and tomorrow.
One thing I obviously haven't been doing as much the last couple of days is writing here or commenting on other blogs. That goes back to the lack of excitement I'm feeling. And its even something of a chicken and egg problem. I will make a conscious effort to post on the blog every day this week, and spend a little more time reading other blogs, and hopefully find that emotional commitment again.
Part of the difficulty last night is that Liz is out of town until Wednesday evening, and I had to be at work super early yesterday. So I was starving by the time I had lunch at two, and just wanted to spend the rest of the day eating, the way I probably would have done if this were a year ago and Liz were out of town. I decided to distract myself by a ride to Columbus and a trip to whole foods to find if they had any no HFCS/trans fat pretzels without added salt. They didn't, but I did get a couple of other things which seemed interesting and a few things we've had before but have used up, so the trip wasn't completely wasted. And it did get me out of the house and a bit out of my funk, so that was good.
Thursday and Friday will be a little different, because I'm going to my twice annual retreat for work. Which means 1) staying at a park lodge with no workout room that I've found yet, and therefore no treadmill Friday morning. 2) Thursday night exercise will be dancing (we have a DJ), if I can get up the nerve to do it. Conveniently Thursday is a leg day this week anyway. I may slip out and try to go walk one of the trails Thursday between dinner and the party too. 3) Friday we get done at noon, so I should still be able to get back to the gym Friday evening, and even if I don't I can do a home version of the upper body workout. 4) Meals will be a real challenge, as Thursday lunch is always hamburgers and hotdogs and potato salad, and dinner is never much better.
One bright note, I wore a suit yesterday that eight weeks ago had been my emergency backup for when my primary suit was too dirty or wrinkled to wear, but it didn't really fit me. I basically couldn't button the jacket without the button threating to pop off. Anyway, it fit me beautifully yesterday, the pants were even a size too large I think. So that was a good thing.
---------------------------------
Update: 8:50 pm
Anyway, just writing this has cheered me up quite a bit (see, not writing in my blog really was was part of the problem more than it was a symptom). I had to write it on paper for a change, as my house had no power this morning. I typed it in here this evening, but backdated it to when I actually wrote it earlier today.
Today went a good deal better, motivation wise. Today was my 7th day in a row on plan. Half way to setting a new record for myself.
I realized I didn't do a midweek weigh in this week, but I'm just not going to worry about it since week 8 ends in 36 hours. But I think I will be pleased with the results for the week.
Thank you to everyone who has left comments or sent me e-mails. Your support is a big part of what keeps this blog, and my efforts at rebirth, going strong.
Some days its fairly simple. I feel excited about my goals, about how well I'm advancing towards them, about looking forward to surprising people who hadn't seen me in a while. Then, just in the past week or so, I've been having an increasing feeling of "who cares."
These are the kinds of things going through my mind :
Is it really going to matter in the long run? Am I shy and isolated and unpopular because I'm fat, or am I fat because that gives me an excuse to be shy and isolated and unpopular? How much will this really change my life? And its probebly too late to signficantly improve my health, isn't it? I mean, you can't be more than 150 lbs overweight for 28 years, and then get down to a healthy weight and not expect to develop diabetes and have a heart attack at 35, can you? And will I even look any better, my skin certainly isn't going to just fall back into place as I lose the weight, the elastic has been well and truly sprung by this point. Do I really want to have to consider having plastic surgery after all this hard work is done? And Liz even thinks I may have to consider liposuction towards the end to get the last 50 lbs zapped!
I'm proud of the fact that despite these barbs of internal sabotage, I stayed on plan yesterday. And I plan to again today, and tomorrow.
One thing I obviously haven't been doing as much the last couple of days is writing here or commenting on other blogs. That goes back to the lack of excitement I'm feeling. And its even something of a chicken and egg problem. I will make a conscious effort to post on the blog every day this week, and spend a little more time reading other blogs, and hopefully find that emotional commitment again.
Part of the difficulty last night is that Liz is out of town until Wednesday evening, and I had to be at work super early yesterday. So I was starving by the time I had lunch at two, and just wanted to spend the rest of the day eating, the way I probably would have done if this were a year ago and Liz were out of town. I decided to distract myself by a ride to Columbus and a trip to whole foods to find if they had any no HFCS/trans fat pretzels without added salt. They didn't, but I did get a couple of other things which seemed interesting and a few things we've had before but have used up, so the trip wasn't completely wasted. And it did get me out of the house and a bit out of my funk, so that was good.
Thursday and Friday will be a little different, because I'm going to my twice annual retreat for work. Which means 1) staying at a park lodge with no workout room that I've found yet, and therefore no treadmill Friday morning. 2) Thursday night exercise will be dancing (we have a DJ), if I can get up the nerve to do it. Conveniently Thursday is a leg day this week anyway. I may slip out and try to go walk one of the trails Thursday between dinner and the party too. 3) Friday we get done at noon, so I should still be able to get back to the gym Friday evening, and even if I don't I can do a home version of the upper body workout. 4) Meals will be a real challenge, as Thursday lunch is always hamburgers and hotdogs and potato salad, and dinner is never much better.
One bright note, I wore a suit yesterday that eight weeks ago had been my emergency backup for when my primary suit was too dirty or wrinkled to wear, but it didn't really fit me. I basically couldn't button the jacket without the button threating to pop off. Anyway, it fit me beautifully yesterday, the pants were even a size too large I think. So that was a good thing.
---------------------------------
Update: 8:50 pm
Anyway, just writing this has cheered me up quite a bit (see, not writing in my blog really was was part of the problem more than it was a symptom). I had to write it on paper for a change, as my house had no power this morning. I typed it in here this evening, but backdated it to when I actually wrote it earlier today.
Today went a good deal better, motivation wise. Today was my 7th day in a row on plan. Half way to setting a new record for myself.
I realized I didn't do a midweek weigh in this week, but I'm just not going to worry about it since week 8 ends in 36 hours. But I think I will be pleased with the results for the week.
Thank you to everyone who has left comments or sent me e-mails. Your support is a big part of what keeps this blog, and my efforts at rebirth, going strong.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
the plan
So Chubby Chick (her name for herself, not mine) asked in a comment yesterday that I explain my weight loss plan. So here it is.
Part I: eat less.
My food intake is based maybe 40% on Weight Watchers (I'm not an official member), 40% on the Abs Diet by David ZincZenko, and 20% on either my own theories or other sources.
I do portion control based on WW points. My current point allowance is 33, which is based on the old system, on the grounds that the new system just was way too lenient for my tastes (it would still allow me 44 points a day). I generally try not to use the flex points, and have managed to use none of them in 3 out of the 7 weeks I've tracked so far. I don't bother calculating any activity points (or whatever they're called... based on working out).
But that's just portions. My food choices are based largely on the Abs Diet's "power foods." Which is to say, look for each of these 12 different foods, and avoid at all costs high fructose corn syrup (the dreded HFCS I mention often in the blog) on the grounds it is more likely to cause diabetes, and trans fats, for, well everyone knows they're bad.
The weakness, in my opinion, in the Abs Diet is that they are so focused on assuring the reader that you can eat whatever you want as long as you avoid HFCS and trans fats, that they are fairly silent on portion control. Sure it says that with the extra fiber and protien you're eating you won't want to eat more than is ok, but that never really worked for me. Even when I was on a pure version of the Abs Diet back in 2005, I kept a calorie log, because I have a fairly week internal "full" sensor, and the calorie log kept my portions in check.
Another big way I deviate from the advice in Abs Diet is that it relies heavily on smoothies, and I just can't force myself to learn to like them. I've tried making myself eat a smoothy for breakfast, but I more often than not end up pitching it, skipping breakfast altogether, and then being too hungry to do self control at lunch.
Beyond that I incorporate advice that I read which makes sense to me, and other little tricks based on my own experience and understanding of my motivators.
Part II: Move More.
My exercise is pretty much a matter of personal tastes and pushing myself as hard as I can do. If I'm stuck at home on an upper body day, I still do the weight lifting routine laid out in Abs Diet, but most days I'm at the gym.
I do a treadmill every morning before showering (I have a Ironman treadmill that Liz and I bought about a year ago. Its in the dining room because we bought it refurbished, and therefore it came in one piece, and we couldn't even think about lifting it to get it up stairs.) I started out just doing walking, and pushing the pace and distance every day. Now I alternate .1 walking and .1 jogging. Currently I'm up to half a mile of each, 2.5 mph on the walking part, 4.5 on the jogging. Beginning October 1, I have also been keeping track of how far I've walked or jogged on the treadmill, and am up to 10.85 miles for the month.
Every afternoon after work plus Saturday I head over to the Y. I alternate days, one day doing all of the upper body machines, the next doing stationary bike and the leg machines. Sunday, since the Y is closed, I do a home version of the upper body workout from Abs Diet, or an extra treadmill session, depending on which day it is in the rotation.
Part III: Motivate better
I am a member of a e-mail group fall challenge, I post to the blog, I read other blogs, and I keep track of my eating and walking in Excel. So I have a lot of metrics and a lot of supporters. I think that last is the single most important element of the plan. It is certainly the biggest change from any attempt I've made before, and it seems to be doing wonders ;)
Part I: eat less.
My food intake is based maybe 40% on Weight Watchers (I'm not an official member), 40% on the Abs Diet by David ZincZenko, and 20% on either my own theories or other sources.
I do portion control based on WW points. My current point allowance is 33, which is based on the old system, on the grounds that the new system just was way too lenient for my tastes (it would still allow me 44 points a day). I generally try not to use the flex points, and have managed to use none of them in 3 out of the 7 weeks I've tracked so far. I don't bother calculating any activity points (or whatever they're called... based on working out).
But that's just portions. My food choices are based largely on the Abs Diet's "power foods." Which is to say, look for each of these 12 different foods, and avoid at all costs high fructose corn syrup (the dreded HFCS I mention often in the blog) on the grounds it is more likely to cause diabetes, and trans fats, for, well everyone knows they're bad.
The weakness, in my opinion, in the Abs Diet is that they are so focused on assuring the reader that you can eat whatever you want as long as you avoid HFCS and trans fats, that they are fairly silent on portion control. Sure it says that with the extra fiber and protien you're eating you won't want to eat more than is ok, but that never really worked for me. Even when I was on a pure version of the Abs Diet back in 2005, I kept a calorie log, because I have a fairly week internal "full" sensor, and the calorie log kept my portions in check.
Another big way I deviate from the advice in Abs Diet is that it relies heavily on smoothies, and I just can't force myself to learn to like them. I've tried making myself eat a smoothy for breakfast, but I more often than not end up pitching it, skipping breakfast altogether, and then being too hungry to do self control at lunch.
Beyond that I incorporate advice that I read which makes sense to me, and other little tricks based on my own experience and understanding of my motivators.
Part II: Move More.
My exercise is pretty much a matter of personal tastes and pushing myself as hard as I can do. If I'm stuck at home on an upper body day, I still do the weight lifting routine laid out in Abs Diet, but most days I'm at the gym.
I do a treadmill every morning before showering (I have a Ironman treadmill that Liz and I bought about a year ago. Its in the dining room because we bought it refurbished, and therefore it came in one piece, and we couldn't even think about lifting it to get it up stairs.) I started out just doing walking, and pushing the pace and distance every day. Now I alternate .1 walking and .1 jogging. Currently I'm up to half a mile of each, 2.5 mph on the walking part, 4.5 on the jogging. Beginning October 1, I have also been keeping track of how far I've walked or jogged on the treadmill, and am up to 10.85 miles for the month.
Every afternoon after work plus Saturday I head over to the Y. I alternate days, one day doing all of the upper body machines, the next doing stationary bike and the leg machines. Sunday, since the Y is closed, I do a home version of the upper body workout from Abs Diet, or an extra treadmill session, depending on which day it is in the rotation.
Part III: Motivate better
I am a member of a e-mail group fall challenge, I post to the blog, I read other blogs, and I keep track of my eating and walking in Excel. So I have a lot of metrics and a lot of supporters. I think that last is the single most important element of the plan. It is certainly the biggest change from any attempt I've made before, and it seems to be doing wonders ;)
Friday, October 12, 2007
The Regained is Relost
7 weeks ago I owned three belts. Two of them I couldn't buckle, the third I could only buckle on the very loosest setting if I squeezed.
Now I own three belts. One of which I can't buckle because there isn't a small enough setting, the other two I can only buckle on the very tightest setting, and one of those is a little looser than I'd like. It works well for pants that are about two sizes too big, but doesn't really work with pants that actually fit me (the extra material folded over at the waist band helps fill out the belt)
And I think my next new belt may come from somewhere other than casual male xl, and may have to come pretty soon.
So yeah, I'm happy today :)
As to the title of this post.... I'm declaring myself done with re-losing the weight I'd regained in the past two years, and I'm now working on new territory. I don't really remember exactly where I finished last time, and have unfortunately lost my weight loss journal from that year. But I do remember how my wedding suit fit me when I was at my lightest.
For those of you who don't know, my wedding suit is the only tailored suit I've ever owned. It was a very generous wedding gift from my in-laws, and I don't even want to think about how much it cost. So not being able to wear it has always been one of my biggest regrets in my weight gain after the wedding. Soon I'll be able to wear it for a while before it goes back in the closet as too big. If I manage to maintain my weight loss, I may even decide to have it taken in to fit again. Its a really nice suit.
So anyway, I put on my wedding suit last night, and it fits me again. A little tight, so I won't wear it for real for another week or so to avoid ripping the pants (they are over 5 years old now, after all). But it does fit me as well or better than it did two years ago when I wore it to my job interview at SEOLS.
Only 30 lbs or so to go until Highschool graduation weight (somewhere around 320). That's the new goal for the end of the year. I don't have any tactile clothes memory to tell me when I've gotten there... so I'll just pick 320, so that there's a little gap between that milestone and the big 300 milestone
Now I own three belts. One of which I can't buckle because there isn't a small enough setting, the other two I can only buckle on the very tightest setting, and one of those is a little looser than I'd like. It works well for pants that are about two sizes too big, but doesn't really work with pants that actually fit me (the extra material folded over at the waist band helps fill out the belt)
And I think my next new belt may come from somewhere other than casual male xl, and may have to come pretty soon.
So yeah, I'm happy today :)
As to the title of this post.... I'm declaring myself done with re-losing the weight I'd regained in the past two years, and I'm now working on new territory. I don't really remember exactly where I finished last time, and have unfortunately lost my weight loss journal from that year. But I do remember how my wedding suit fit me when I was at my lightest.
For those of you who don't know, my wedding suit is the only tailored suit I've ever owned. It was a very generous wedding gift from my in-laws, and I don't even want to think about how much it cost. So not being able to wear it has always been one of my biggest regrets in my weight gain after the wedding. Soon I'll be able to wear it for a while before it goes back in the closet as too big. If I manage to maintain my weight loss, I may even decide to have it taken in to fit again. Its a really nice suit.
So anyway, I put on my wedding suit last night, and it fits me again. A little tight, so I won't wear it for real for another week or so to avoid ripping the pants (they are over 5 years old now, after all). But it does fit me as well or better than it did two years ago when I wore it to my job interview at SEOLS.
Only 30 lbs or so to go until Highschool graduation weight (somewhere around 320). That's the new goal for the end of the year. I don't have any tactile clothes memory to tell me when I've gotten there... so I'll just pick 320, so that there's a little gap between that milestone and the big 300 milestone
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Introducing pure lard, now with 0 grams fat per serving
Serving size, .5 grams.
Did you know that the new Crisco with "0 grams trans fat per serving" actually has more than .4 grams of trans fat per serving? And the FDA logic for allowing this to happen is that it's too hard to test for trans levels that low. Ok, imagine we accept that... who set the serving level? Does this mean that if I break my prepackaged food item up small enough, I could call it fat free? Sorry FDA, the .0000001 oz serving size is too small to allow us to test for fat, I guess we'll just label it 0 fat per serving.
And of course, the FDA would say, no no, we don't allow that sort of nonsense. We made soda manufacturers increase the serving size on a can of pop to the whole can, didn't we? (actually, I don't know if that was the FDA's decision, but whatever).
But why couldn't they test for trans fats using two servings to test from? Or Four? Isn't the stuff fairly uniform? Can't they just say, ok, we'll test this whole vat for trans fats, and then divide the results by the number of servings?
Somehow that just seems more fair, not to mention health conscious.
Oh, and Canada requires testing to .2 grams accuracy. It isn't as if the fat is easier to detect above the 49th parallel.
And I guess I really don't have any room to bitch about this. I didn't get to be morbidly obese because I didn't realize Crisco was bad for me. But now, in trying to turn my life around, I would appreciate it if I could at least count on accurate information.
Ok, rant over.
Did you know that the new Crisco with "0 grams trans fat per serving" actually has more than .4 grams of trans fat per serving? And the FDA logic for allowing this to happen is that it's too hard to test for trans levels that low. Ok, imagine we accept that... who set the serving level? Does this mean that if I break my prepackaged food item up small enough, I could call it fat free? Sorry FDA, the .0000001 oz serving size is too small to allow us to test for fat, I guess we'll just label it 0 fat per serving.
And of course, the FDA would say, no no, we don't allow that sort of nonsense. We made soda manufacturers increase the serving size on a can of pop to the whole can, didn't we? (actually, I don't know if that was the FDA's decision, but whatever).
But why couldn't they test for trans fats using two servings to test from? Or Four? Isn't the stuff fairly uniform? Can't they just say, ok, we'll test this whole vat for trans fats, and then divide the results by the number of servings?
Somehow that just seems more fair, not to mention health conscious.
Oh, and Canada requires testing to .2 grams accuracy. It isn't as if the fat is easier to detect above the 49th parallel.
And I guess I really don't have any room to bitch about this. I didn't get to be morbidly obese because I didn't realize Crisco was bad for me. But now, in trying to turn my life around, I would appreciate it if I could at least count on accurate information.
Ok, rant over.
end of week 7 report
So Sunday and Tuesday didn't end up hurting my week as a whole. I think I have the regular exercise routine to thank for that (14 days without a miss!)
Weight: 347.2
Week's loss: 6.6, 45.6 down since Aug 23
27.5% of the way to the end of obesity.
And so far I've walked/jogged 8.85 miles for October.
Speaking of which, today I did five sets of my walk/jog, meaning I jogged an entire half mile! I think I will stick at that pace for about a week, and then next week I'll change the routine to be .1 mile walking followed by .15 miles jogging, and work towards being able to do a mile that way.
.5 down, only 2.6 left to go before I can do a 5K :)
Weight: 347.2
Week's loss: 6.6, 45.6 down since Aug 23
27.5% of the way to the end of obesity.
And so far I've walked/jogged 8.85 miles for October.
Speaking of which, today I did five sets of my walk/jog, meaning I jogged an entire half mile! I think I will stick at that pace for about a week, and then next week I'll change the routine to be .1 mile walking followed by .15 miles jogging, and work towards being able to do a mile that way.
.5 down, only 2.6 left to go before I can do a 5K :)
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
When I've reached my weightloss goals ....
When I got my job after lawschool, Liz and I suddenly had a lot more income coming in than we were used to. So we anticipated, and kept saying, "hey, when you start getting a paycheck, lets do ______." It quickly became too much to keep straight, so we had to start making a list, so we could be sure to do the highest priority things first.
Well, I need to start making a "when i've reached my weightloss goals" list. These are things that I couldn't do right now, either due to physical or psychological barriers, which the pure act of doing them will be a celebration of my achievement. This list is going to be a work in progress, and I will put a link to this post somewhere on the blog so you can check back for any additions. I'd also love any suggestions you might have, just leave them in the comments.
So here they are, in no particular order than the order that I happened to think of them in. And they don't all necessary require the same goal, some can happen at a higher weight than others.
Last updated: 10-11-2007
When I have reached my weight loss goals I will:
1) Finally take scuba lessons. I went diving once, just in a swimming pool, at a summer camp in seventh grade or so, and I absolutely loved the experience. I've always wanted to learn to dive for real, but it simply isn't practicable at my size.
2) Rent a convertible for a road trip. And not have to worry about whether I will fit behind the steering wheel.
3) Go swimming where there are other people other than just Liz.
4) buy a tailored suit once I have reached a level that I want to just maintain and not lose any more
5) fly in an airplane and not be afraid that they'll make me pay for two seats
6) join a softball or soccer or basketball team and be able to hold my own
7) run a half marathon. I really don't have any interest in doing a full one, they are just brutal on the well being of even a conditioned athlete, but a half would be fun.
8) hike up a mountain. And not be winded any faster than Liz.
9) Ride a bike from one city to another. I don't know why, this has always been something I though would be a lot of fun if I could do it.
10) Ride a train in a sleeper car.
11) Have the experience of being "checked out" by a woman who doesn't know me and be able to imagine that she likes what she sees
12) Feel confident showering in the locker room.
13) Not have to think about my weight every single day without regaining what I've lost
14) Canoe down the Muskingum I used to love canoing at summer camp. Then one year I ended up having to drag my canoe a good chunk of the way because the water was shallow that year and the boat kept running into the river bed. I haven't canoed since.
15) Shop at a "normal person" department store.
16) Go to cedar point which is another of those things I loved to do growing up but haven't been able to do in years.
17) Play backyard football and maybe even on the "skins" team.
18) Dance at bars or programwides without having to be drunk first. First Accomplished: October 18, 2007, fall programwide.
19) Join a choral group - this has more to do with lung capacity than weight, but the two are related. I sang in school choir for 7 years and in my church choir for about 2, but that's long past now.
20) Go onto the roof of my house and not worry that I'll fall through
21) Climb a tree - I've never actually done this, I never had the upper body strength to match my weight.
22) Climb a ladder without being worried that it will break.
23) Sit on the patio at a restaurant and fit into the chair and be confident it will hold me.
24) Attend an Indians game and be able to fit in the seats and ...
25) Attend a play or the above mentioned baseball game and be able to slip down the row past other people to reach my seat.
Well, I need to start making a "when i've reached my weightloss goals" list. These are things that I couldn't do right now, either due to physical or psychological barriers, which the pure act of doing them will be a celebration of my achievement. This list is going to be a work in progress, and I will put a link to this post somewhere on the blog so you can check back for any additions. I'd also love any suggestions you might have, just leave them in the comments.
So here they are, in no particular order than the order that I happened to think of them in. And they don't all necessary require the same goal, some can happen at a higher weight than others.
Last updated: 10-11-2007
When I have reached my weight loss goals I will:
1) Finally take scuba lessons. I went diving once, just in a swimming pool, at a summer camp in seventh grade or so, and I absolutely loved the experience. I've always wanted to learn to dive for real, but it simply isn't practicable at my size.
2) Rent a convertible for a road trip. And not have to worry about whether I will fit behind the steering wheel.
3) Go swimming where there are other people other than just Liz.
4) buy a tailored suit once I have reached a level that I want to just maintain and not lose any more
5) fly in an airplane and not be afraid that they'll make me pay for two seats
6) join a softball or soccer or basketball team and be able to hold my own
7) run a half marathon. I really don't have any interest in doing a full one, they are just brutal on the well being of even a conditioned athlete, but a half would be fun.
8) hike up a mountain. And not be winded any faster than Liz.
9) Ride a bike from one city to another. I don't know why, this has always been something I though would be a lot of fun if I could do it.
10) Ride a train in a sleeper car.
11) Have the experience of being "checked out" by a woman who doesn't know me and be able to imagine that she likes what she sees
12) Feel confident showering in the locker room.
13) Not have to think about my weight every single day without regaining what I've lost
14) Canoe down the Muskingum I used to love canoing at summer camp. Then one year I ended up having to drag my canoe a good chunk of the way because the water was shallow that year and the boat kept running into the river bed. I haven't canoed since.
15) Shop at a "normal person" department store.
16) Go to cedar point which is another of those things I loved to do growing up but haven't been able to do in years.
17) Play backyard football and maybe even on the "skins" team.
18) Dance at bars or programwides without having to be drunk first. First Accomplished: October 18, 2007, fall programwide.
19) Join a choral group - this has more to do with lung capacity than weight, but the two are related. I sang in school choir for 7 years and in my church choir for about 2, but that's long past now.
20) Go onto the roof of my house and not worry that I'll fall through
21) Climb a tree - I've never actually done this, I never had the upper body strength to match my weight.
22) Climb a ladder without being worried that it will break.
23) Sit on the patio at a restaurant and fit into the chair and be confident it will hold me.
24) Attend an Indians game and be able to fit in the seats and ...
25) Attend a play or the above mentioned baseball game and be able to slip down the row past other people to reach my seat.
dieting when nobody's around
So usually I'm complaining about sticking to my weight loss plan when other people are around to mess it up. Today I want to consider the opposite situation.
Tonight I was feeling particularly tired and a bit sore when I got home from work, and was very tempted to skip the afternoon workout. "I've already done 13 days without a miss... what's one day," I thought. And even more depressingly, "nobody would know you skipped, Liz won't be home until 11 tonight. You could go play computer games and relax. Hell, you could even run out and buy some chicken and nobody would ever have to know."
But you know what, I would know. And that's the point. I'm not doing this for Liz, although she's thrilled with my decision. And I'm not doing this for G, even though she is the one who finally kicked my ass into gear. I'm doing this for my own health and happiness.
So I went to the gym, and I did my whole workout. And I came home and had a LC dinner (grilled chicken & penne with caramel apple dessert - 6.4 points.) And I am going to get to bed early tonight feeling good about myself, not feeling guilty that I had broken the rules.
I do wish that voice would go away, but I'm coming to the conclusion that it never will. I will likely never be able to pass a Wendy's or a Dairy Queen without occasionally feeling a pang of longing for the bad old days when I just didn't care what I allowed myself to eat. I'll never be able to smell fresh hot chicken without becoming instantly hungry.
But in the end I have to make a choice. 5 minutes of pleasure now, no matter how badly I long for it, is just not worth the cost on my life, my mobility, and my health. It isn't worth the cost to Liz or to my family or to my friends. It isn't worth the dread that I will have kids who are ashamed to be seen with me in public. It isn't worth the cost and embarrassment of having to shop at the fat guy store.
It just isn't worth it.
Tonight I was feeling particularly tired and a bit sore when I got home from work, and was very tempted to skip the afternoon workout. "I've already done 13 days without a miss... what's one day," I thought. And even more depressingly, "nobody would know you skipped, Liz won't be home until 11 tonight. You could go play computer games and relax. Hell, you could even run out and buy some chicken and nobody would ever have to know."
But you know what, I would know. And that's the point. I'm not doing this for Liz, although she's thrilled with my decision. And I'm not doing this for G, even though she is the one who finally kicked my ass into gear. I'm doing this for my own health and happiness.
So I went to the gym, and I did my whole workout. And I came home and had a LC dinner (grilled chicken & penne with caramel apple dessert - 6.4 points.) And I am going to get to bed early tonight feeling good about myself, not feeling guilty that I had broken the rules.
I do wish that voice would go away, but I'm coming to the conclusion that it never will. I will likely never be able to pass a Wendy's or a Dairy Queen without occasionally feeling a pang of longing for the bad old days when I just didn't care what I allowed myself to eat. I'll never be able to smell fresh hot chicken without becoming instantly hungry.
But in the end I have to make a choice. 5 minutes of pleasure now, no matter how badly I long for it, is just not worth the cost on my life, my mobility, and my health. It isn't worth the cost to Liz or to my family or to my friends. It isn't worth the dread that I will have kids who are ashamed to be seen with me in public. It isn't worth the cost and embarrassment of having to shop at the fat guy store.
It just isn't worth it.
No soy el diablo
As I was leaving Athens (Ohio) last night, my mind was racing, alternating between mentally flogging myself and writing a furious blog entry lamenting my sins.
Having slept on it though, I realized that I wasn't being fair. So I messed up at dinner, that happens. It isn't the end of my journey.
Let's back up a step. Last night Liz and I drove down to Athens to meet her parents for dinner at Casa Nuevo, a fun Mexican joint which specializes in using locally sourced ingredients and has a fair amount of vegan friendly options. We had to wait for our table, so we ordered a plate of Nachos... "that's ok, I'll only have a few." Then we got to our table and ordered some appetizers and some chips and salsa. This is where I ran into trouble. CN's salsas are of local renown, I had to sample them. And suddenly I had forgotten what I was working towards and was just enjoying myself and the "good" food. Then I ordered an enchillada for my main course, and did remember myself enough to order one with broccoli, mushrooms, and black beans instead of the pulled pork or steak. But all in all I probebly had the second highest calorie and fat meal that I've had in 7 solid weeks.
I'm not going to stay under 350 this way!! 2 days Off Plan in a 3 day window? Right after a 14 day stretch of On Plan days??
But you know what, I've decided not to get all depressed and start a downward spiral. Another weight loss blogger was complaining about having hit a batch of bad days, feeling like she wasn't going to get on plan. From reading her entry I learned two things. 1) the importance of posting about setbacks and not just positive results, and 2) that vacations happen, and its how we deal with them the next day that really matters. As soon as she started focusing on the future rather than regretting the past, she was back on track.
I can't afford to move to Hawaii and spend every day sitting on the beach drinking cocktails. But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't take a vacation now and then. And instead of worrying about all the work I'm not doing, I'm going to just relax and enjoy my vacation, knowing that the real world is waiting for me when I get back.
The same is true with Off Plan days. I can't afford to make them the norm, I can't afford to do them very often, and I certainly can't afford to waste them feeling guilty and angry at myself for slipping up.
So here's the plan. Vacations will be as rare as I can make them, they will be reported to the blog, but they will not derail me completely. And in the long run, I will get to my goal.
Having slept on it though, I realized that I wasn't being fair. So I messed up at dinner, that happens. It isn't the end of my journey.
Let's back up a step. Last night Liz and I drove down to Athens to meet her parents for dinner at Casa Nuevo, a fun Mexican joint which specializes in using locally sourced ingredients and has a fair amount of vegan friendly options. We had to wait for our table, so we ordered a plate of Nachos... "that's ok, I'll only have a few." Then we got to our table and ordered some appetizers and some chips and salsa. This is where I ran into trouble. CN's salsas are of local renown, I had to sample them. And suddenly I had forgotten what I was working towards and was just enjoying myself and the "good" food. Then I ordered an enchillada for my main course, and did remember myself enough to order one with broccoli, mushrooms, and black beans instead of the pulled pork or steak. But all in all I probebly had the second highest calorie and fat meal that I've had in 7 solid weeks.
I'm not going to stay under 350 this way!! 2 days Off Plan in a 3 day window? Right after a 14 day stretch of On Plan days??
But you know what, I've decided not to get all depressed and start a downward spiral. Another weight loss blogger was complaining about having hit a batch of bad days, feeling like she wasn't going to get on plan. From reading her entry I learned two things. 1) the importance of posting about setbacks and not just positive results, and 2) that vacations happen, and its how we deal with them the next day that really matters. As soon as she started focusing on the future rather than regretting the past, she was back on track.
I can't afford to move to Hawaii and spend every day sitting on the beach drinking cocktails. But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't take a vacation now and then. And instead of worrying about all the work I'm not doing, I'm going to just relax and enjoy my vacation, knowing that the real world is waiting for me when I get back.
The same is true with Off Plan days. I can't afford to make them the norm, I can't afford to do them very often, and I certainly can't afford to waste them feeling guilty and angry at myself for slipping up.
So here's the plan. Vacations will be as rare as I can make them, they will be reported to the blog, but they will not derail me completely. And in the long run, I will get to my goal.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
how big is too big
So I've had a lot of experience in deciding that pants are just too damn tight to wear any more. I've never done the reverse. I actually have a pair of pants which are coming right to the cusp of that, and will sooner or later need to make the decision to put them away.
Not that I will get rid of them, they are my biggest "fat pants," and I'll want them down the road. Admit it, everybody who has ever set out to lose weight imagines themselves doing the fat pants photo. Well, I certainly do.
Right now the pants fit me loosely enough that, standing, I can put the base of my thumb against my stomach and the base of my pinky against the inside of the waist band without any stretching the pants or tightening my stomach muscles. Sitting they maybe only have about an inch clearance.
So here's the question. In theory, as long as I keep buying ever shrinking belts, I can continue wearing pants that are much to big for me, I just take them in with the belt. But eventually the waist is not going to be the only problem. So I will need to figure out when they just look baggy on me. Fortunately I have two or three pairs of pants that I've reshrunk into (thank goodness for being a pack rat), so I won't have to go out and immediately buy a whole new wardrobe.
So, in terms of waist, I think I've made pretty impressive progress. I started out wearing pants that were size 58" waist and a little too tight. Tonight I went through my "too small to fit pile" and found a size 56" and two 54" that fit me well, and even my size 52's I could put on and button though it looked too tight on me.
I haven't bought or worn a size 54 since at least the beginning of the third year of lawschool (3 years ago)! I think that while I'm right around the weight that caused me to give up the last time I lost a lot of weight, I'm doing a better job of converting fat into muscle, so I'm getting more change in physical size for a smaller weight loss. I know I didn't get down to wearing my 54s last time.
In other words I'm doing it, well, if not "right," at least more right than ever before. And that's progress.
Not that I will get rid of them, they are my biggest "fat pants," and I'll want them down the road. Admit it, everybody who has ever set out to lose weight imagines themselves doing the fat pants photo. Well, I certainly do.
Right now the pants fit me loosely enough that, standing, I can put the base of my thumb against my stomach and the base of my pinky against the inside of the waist band without any stretching the pants or tightening my stomach muscles. Sitting they maybe only have about an inch clearance.
So here's the question. In theory, as long as I keep buying ever shrinking belts, I can continue wearing pants that are much to big for me, I just take them in with the belt. But eventually the waist is not going to be the only problem. So I will need to figure out when they just look baggy on me. Fortunately I have two or three pairs of pants that I've reshrunk into (thank goodness for being a pack rat), so I won't have to go out and immediately buy a whole new wardrobe.
So, in terms of waist, I think I've made pretty impressive progress. I started out wearing pants that were size 58" waist and a little too tight. Tonight I went through my "too small to fit pile" and found a size 56" and two 54" that fit me well, and even my size 52's I could put on and button though it looked too tight on me.
I haven't bought or worn a size 54 since at least the beginning of the third year of lawschool (3 years ago)! I think that while I'm right around the weight that caused me to give up the last time I lost a lot of weight, I'm doing a better job of converting fat into muscle, so I'm getting more change in physical size for a smaller weight loss. I know I didn't get down to wearing my 54s last time.
In other words I'm doing it, well, if not "right," at least more right than ever before. And that's progress.
Monday, October 8, 2007
348.6
Lots of good news to report today.
So for a while it's been a matter of "when" not "if" I get down below 350, and it happened this weekend! I weighed myself somewhat later in the day than is my norm, and after breakfast instead of before, so that may even be .3 or so high.
Overall, I'm 5.2 down for the week, 44.2 down since August 23, and 26 2/3 % of E.O. '08. Stay tuned maybe as early next week for the 50 lb mark!
So to wrap up the weekend. I'm counting Sunday as a "off plan" day, so my new "on plan" streak record is 14 days. Liz and I agreed to a system whereby every 5 days on plan in a row I get to add a little bit of cash to my new computer fund. ($2 for 5, an additional $4 for 6-10, $8 for 11-15, etc) I've hit day 10 a couple of times now, but this was the first time I had a day 12, let alone a shot at day 15.
Sunday was a close call. I haven't added up my points yet (just got home), but I'm pretty sure I'll be slightly over. Basically I think I made as best of choices as I could have made given the situation, but not quite good enough. Plus, cutting of my streak here and starting over gives me a target to shoot for next time.
We ended up going out for dinner Sunday evening instead of doing the whole holiday meal thing, so that means I had two meals out. Sunday lunch was the worst, because we went to lunch at the Zanesville mall. The only options there are Wendy's, a pizza joint, Taco Bell, and Charlie's (a grilled steak sandwich place). I had a Wendy's taco salad without sour cream, chips, or salad dressing, and a mix of fresh pineapple and grapes, but that's still something like 10-11 points, most of it fat. Then dinner was at this really good local owned Mexican place. I skipped the chips/salsa and had shrimp fajitas. I limited myself to only one tablespoon of the beans (read "lard with some beans in it") and 1/4 cup of the Spanish rice. My Achilles heel at Mexican is warm tortillas, and I did end up having two of them. In what counts as progress for me, I did manage to leave one on my plate.
Workout wise I did a lot better than I had expected. I did get my strength training in Sunday night, because the hotel we stayed in had a set of dumbbells. I started with the 15lbs, because that's what I use at home, and found they were too light for me, and I had to switch up to the 20's, which was a real thrill for me. Then I went back to my room and did my core exercises (crunches and whatnot). Pumped from discovering I had moved up a weight level on the dumbbells, I attempted some pushups. (sort of, pushups working from the knees instead of the toes), and did about 5, which is definitely a personal first. Even as early as middle school I can specifically remember being too heavy to be able to do pushups in gym class.
Then this morning I did 4 sets of 2.5 walk/4.5 jog (.1 mile each, 5 deg incline), and went for a swim. What I've learned from this weekend is that each treadmill runs at a somewhat different speed for the numbers you give it... so when I am away from home I will need to expect to put the speed up or down depending on the personality of the individual machine. After the weekend I'm up to 6.25 miles for October.
Overall, I think it was a positive weekend, and I can't complain with the results!
So for a while it's been a matter of "when" not "if" I get down below 350, and it happened this weekend! I weighed myself somewhat later in the day than is my norm, and after breakfast instead of before, so that may even be .3 or so high.
Overall, I'm 5.2 down for the week, 44.2 down since August 23, and 26 2/3 % of E.O. '08. Stay tuned maybe as early next week for the 50 lb mark!
So to wrap up the weekend. I'm counting Sunday as a "off plan" day, so my new "on plan" streak record is 14 days. Liz and I agreed to a system whereby every 5 days on plan in a row I get to add a little bit of cash to my new computer fund. ($2 for 5, an additional $4 for 6-10, $8 for 11-15, etc) I've hit day 10 a couple of times now, but this was the first time I had a day 12, let alone a shot at day 15.
Sunday was a close call. I haven't added up my points yet (just got home), but I'm pretty sure I'll be slightly over. Basically I think I made as best of choices as I could have made given the situation, but not quite good enough. Plus, cutting of my streak here and starting over gives me a target to shoot for next time.
We ended up going out for dinner Sunday evening instead of doing the whole holiday meal thing, so that means I had two meals out. Sunday lunch was the worst, because we went to lunch at the Zanesville mall. The only options there are Wendy's, a pizza joint, Taco Bell, and Charlie's (a grilled steak sandwich place). I had a Wendy's taco salad without sour cream, chips, or salad dressing, and a mix of fresh pineapple and grapes, but that's still something like 10-11 points, most of it fat. Then dinner was at this really good local owned Mexican place. I skipped the chips/salsa and had shrimp fajitas. I limited myself to only one tablespoon of the beans (read "lard with some beans in it") and 1/4 cup of the Spanish rice. My Achilles heel at Mexican is warm tortillas, and I did end up having two of them. In what counts as progress for me, I did manage to leave one on my plate.
Workout wise I did a lot better than I had expected. I did get my strength training in Sunday night, because the hotel we stayed in had a set of dumbbells. I started with the 15lbs, because that's what I use at home, and found they were too light for me, and I had to switch up to the 20's, which was a real thrill for me. Then I went back to my room and did my core exercises (crunches and whatnot). Pumped from discovering I had moved up a weight level on the dumbbells, I attempted some pushups. (sort of, pushups working from the knees instead of the toes), and did about 5, which is definitely a personal first. Even as early as middle school I can specifically remember being too heavy to be able to do pushups in gym class.
Then this morning I did 4 sets of 2.5 walk/4.5 jog (.1 mile each, 5 deg incline), and went for a swim. What I've learned from this weekend is that each treadmill runs at a somewhat different speed for the numbers you give it... so when I am away from home I will need to expect to put the speed up or down depending on the personality of the individual machine. After the weekend I'm up to 6.25 miles for October.
Overall, I think it was a positive weekend, and I can't complain with the results!
Hell yeah.
http://blog.scalejunkie.com/2007/08/stereotypes-and-prejudice.html
Ok, so maybe there are a few others. It seems like it is still PC to entertain stereotypes about homosexuals. But the general idea that discrimination based on obesity is socially acceptable is dead on. Like homosexuality, obesity is considered to be a choice, and therefore fair game. How it is more of a choice than religion, i'm not sure, but that's the popular view.
Of course, I guess if people like me and scale junkie meet our goals, we'll just give more evidence that obesity is a choice. To that, I would say that it is not so much a choice as a condition. Like alcoholism or any other addiction, or most major diseases, I will never be "cured." The best I can ever hope for is remission.
If you haven't done it yet, check out scale junkie's blog (linked to the right)... she has some really powerful and moving stuff!
(I back-timed this post so that my big announcement will stay on top for today :) )
Ok, so maybe there are a few others. It seems like it is still PC to entertain stereotypes about homosexuals. But the general idea that discrimination based on obesity is socially acceptable is dead on. Like homosexuality, obesity is considered to be a choice, and therefore fair game. How it is more of a choice than religion, i'm not sure, but that's the popular view.
Of course, I guess if people like me and scale junkie meet our goals, we'll just give more evidence that obesity is a choice. To that, I would say that it is not so much a choice as a condition. Like alcoholism or any other addiction, or most major diseases, I will never be "cured." The best I can ever hope for is remission.
If you haven't done it yet, check out scale junkie's blog (linked to the right)... she has some really powerful and moving stuff!
(I back-timed this post so that my big announcement will stay on top for today :) )
Sunday, October 7, 2007
at least one workout
So I did get my treadmill in again this morning (1 mile averaging 3.3 mpg at 5 deg). Either a) my treadmill under estimates speed, b) the treadmill I was using this morning over estimates, or c) I was walking with a noticeable increase in energy. I pushed myself up to 4.0 mph and was still at a walking pace today, 4 is definitely a jogging pace at home.
And then I did five laps in the pool before heading back to the room.
I am still hoping to get a workout in this evening in Cbus, but at least I'm not going to miss both of my sessions today.
And Comfort inn has hard boiled eggs on their new upgraded continental breakfast. No skim milk though, but I had thought ahead and brought my own.
Anyway, so far the weekend has been 100% on plan. Now for the challenging part :)
And then I did five laps in the pool before heading back to the room.
I am still hoping to get a workout in this evening in Cbus, but at least I'm not going to miss both of my sessions today.
And Comfort inn has hard boiled eggs on their new upgraded continental breakfast. No skim milk though, but I had thought ahead and brought my own.
Anyway, so far the weekend has been 100% on plan. Now for the challenging part :)
Saturday, October 6, 2007
"got up this morning for a quick jog..."
So I'm one of "those" people now, and I couldn't be more proud. I have officially taken my first step into the world of people who get up in the morning to do a jog.
Now, I only jogged .3 miles today ... my plan to introduce jogging is .1 at 2.0 mph, followed by .1 at 4.0, (all at 5.0 incline) then repeat as many times as I can manage, until I am doing a mile every day. Then I'll start breaking the routine up differently so I'm jogging .15 at a stretch, then .2.... until I get up to the point of doing an entire mile at 4.0.
Today I did three sets, so another .6 to my mileage chart (I'm now up to 4.45 for October).
Oh, and no, this doesn't mean I hit 350 and didn't bother telling anyone. I weighed in this morning at 351.8. I have every expectation of getting to report under 350 by next weigh in, but just a little ways to go yet. I just decided that 2 lbs wasn't enough of an excuse to avoid working harder on the treadmill. I also dropped my point goal down to the 350 level at the beginning of the week... though that hasn't really meant anything as I was generally 2-4 points short every day anyway.
Won't be here to post tomorrow... though Liz and I decided to stay in a hotel tonight instead of at my parents, and the hotel has a treadmill, so I'll at least get a morning walk, and maybe a jog in. (I may only walk and not risk damaging the hotel's equipment) And I am planning to come home Sunday night, so I won't be missing Monday morning either! The weekend is shaping up to be better than I expected :)
Now, I only jogged .3 miles today ... my plan to introduce jogging is .1 at 2.0 mph, followed by .1 at 4.0, (all at 5.0 incline) then repeat as many times as I can manage, until I am doing a mile every day. Then I'll start breaking the routine up differently so I'm jogging .15 at a stretch, then .2.... until I get up to the point of doing an entire mile at 4.0.
Today I did three sets, so another .6 to my mileage chart (I'm now up to 4.45 for October).
Oh, and no, this doesn't mean I hit 350 and didn't bother telling anyone. I weighed in this morning at 351.8. I have every expectation of getting to report under 350 by next weigh in, but just a little ways to go yet. I just decided that 2 lbs wasn't enough of an excuse to avoid working harder on the treadmill. I also dropped my point goal down to the 350 level at the beginning of the week... though that hasn't really meant anything as I was generally 2-4 points short every day anyway.
Won't be here to post tomorrow... though Liz and I decided to stay in a hotel tonight instead of at my parents, and the hotel has a treadmill, so I'll at least get a morning walk, and maybe a jog in. (I may only walk and not risk damaging the hotel's equipment) And I am planning to come home Sunday night, so I won't be missing Monday morning either! The weekend is shaping up to be better than I expected :)
Friday, October 5, 2007
me at 6 weeks
Ok, the top photo is obviously a much more posed photo than the one I'm using as a before photo. It's something of an idealized version of what I look like at the moment. Below is another which probably gives a more accurate idea of my size now. Still a long way from where I started, in my own opinion!
paranoia as a hurtle and as a motivator
So I'll be in Zanesville Saturday night through Monday morning. Which means I'll miss at least my treadmill Sunday morning, maybe Monday morning too... depending when I get home, and likely my Sunday evening workout. I should be able to get in Saturday's before I leave. (Though as an aside, I'll have to remember the gym closes at 4:30 on Saturday!)
As to points... one challenge will be that I'm away from my spreadsheet, and a bigger challenge is that Monday is Thanksgiving in Canada, so Liz's family (her parents are down for the holiday) will likely want to do a Thanksgiving style meal Sunday night. The good news is that they're fairly healthy cooks, the bad news is that they're also really good at it :)
I still haven't quite figured out the whole weight loss thing where it comes to eating with people who don't know I'm trying to lose weight. I mean, obviously I "could" just say, No thanks, I don't want any X, I'm watching my calories.... but I feel somewhat ridiculous doing so. I mean, I know that I've lost 40 lbs in the past 6 weeks, but you can't tell that just by looking at me. I still look like a guy who's at least 150 lbs over weight.
Whenever I order fresh veggies (with no added salt, please) or order off the "light and fit" portion of the menu, I feel somewhat like a fraud. I'm sure you've heard some comedian or whatever comment on the habit of a lot of overweight people to walk into McDonald's, order a big mac, large fry and a "diet" coke. Well, my very physical presence is my "big mac and large fry."
And I even know that it's all in my head. I felt the same way about joining a gym, and everyone there has been nothing but polite to me. And even those people who do judge me, it isn't as if that should have any effect on what I do. And beyond even that... the only way to stop people thinking that way is to lose weight. It isn't as if I wouldn't look equally ridiculous going back to my eating like a teenager days. I can't just wake up tomorrow and leave my fat suit at home.
On a somewhat related point... I sometimes wish that restaurants would just charge for ice water. Not that I'm all that eager to give away my money, but I guess I feel somewhat cheap in the current system. Unless I'm in that extremely rare restaurant that serves skim milk, there is simply nothing on the menu to drink that is both allowed on my diet plan and at all tempting to me. I honestly like water, and I drink a lot of it at meals. So here I am, asking for a fourth, fifth, sixth refill on my free drink. I do try to make it up in the tip, and I guess that's better than the restaurant charging for it when the only real cost is on the server.
This particular neurosis I can somewhat blame on my childhood. Basically, growing up we always got water in restaurants, not because we didn't drink pop (did we ever), but simply because it was free. So as I got out on my own, it was to a certain extent a point of pride to me that I didn't have to worry about that buck or buck and a half extra and could just get pop with my meals. Then I made a decision that I couldn't drink pop any more (back around the time I graduated from lawschool). Ever since then, I've (almost) always had water with meals. And I've always been vaguely unhappy that I was taking advantage of the system.
So moral of the story (looking back at the entire entry)... I'm quite paranoid and care far too much about what other people think of me. Even this blog can be seen as a symptom of that. Or, rather, a means of my using my own weaknesses against myself to produce a positive effect. If I can't show progress or if I stop updating, my own paranoia that the two or three people who had been reading regularly will think poorly of me would shame me into working harder.
So I guess if you can't beat em, join em.
As to points... one challenge will be that I'm away from my spreadsheet, and a bigger challenge is that Monday is Thanksgiving in Canada, so Liz's family (her parents are down for the holiday) will likely want to do a Thanksgiving style meal Sunday night. The good news is that they're fairly healthy cooks, the bad news is that they're also really good at it :)
I still haven't quite figured out the whole weight loss thing where it comes to eating with people who don't know I'm trying to lose weight. I mean, obviously I "could" just say, No thanks, I don't want any X, I'm watching my calories.... but I feel somewhat ridiculous doing so. I mean, I know that I've lost 40 lbs in the past 6 weeks, but you can't tell that just by looking at me. I still look like a guy who's at least 150 lbs over weight.
Whenever I order fresh veggies (with no added salt, please) or order off the "light and fit" portion of the menu, I feel somewhat like a fraud. I'm sure you've heard some comedian or whatever comment on the habit of a lot of overweight people to walk into McDonald's, order a big mac, large fry and a "diet" coke. Well, my very physical presence is my "big mac and large fry."
And I even know that it's all in my head. I felt the same way about joining a gym, and everyone there has been nothing but polite to me. And even those people who do judge me, it isn't as if that should have any effect on what I do. And beyond even that... the only way to stop people thinking that way is to lose weight. It isn't as if I wouldn't look equally ridiculous going back to my eating like a teenager days. I can't just wake up tomorrow and leave my fat suit at home.
On a somewhat related point... I sometimes wish that restaurants would just charge for ice water. Not that I'm all that eager to give away my money, but I guess I feel somewhat cheap in the current system. Unless I'm in that extremely rare restaurant that serves skim milk, there is simply nothing on the menu to drink that is both allowed on my diet plan and at all tempting to me. I honestly like water, and I drink a lot of it at meals. So here I am, asking for a fourth, fifth, sixth refill on my free drink. I do try to make it up in the tip, and I guess that's better than the restaurant charging for it when the only real cost is on the server.
This particular neurosis I can somewhat blame on my childhood. Basically, growing up we always got water in restaurants, not because we didn't drink pop (did we ever), but simply because it was free. So as I got out on my own, it was to a certain extent a point of pride to me that I didn't have to worry about that buck or buck and a half extra and could just get pop with my meals. Then I made a decision that I couldn't drink pop any more (back around the time I graduated from lawschool). Ever since then, I've (almost) always had water with meals. And I've always been vaguely unhappy that I was taking advantage of the system.
So moral of the story (looking back at the entire entry)... I'm quite paranoid and care far too much about what other people think of me. Even this blog can be seen as a symptom of that. Or, rather, a means of my using my own weaknesses against myself to produce a positive effect. If I can't show progress or if I stop updating, my own paranoia that the two or three people who had been reading regularly will think poorly of me would shame me into working harder.
So I guess if you can't beat em, join em.
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