I can't figure out what to say

I've been trying to write this entry for days. And I haven't come up with anything that seems appropriate. That seems anything other than whinny. And truth is, that's kind of how I feel.

Right now I have so much on my mind. Nothing is going quite right, and most of it is my own stupid fault, one way or another.

Limiting my self-pity to terms relevant to this blog.... I feel like an absolute failure. Yeah, I could put a softer spin on it, but it'd be at least half a lie. Some days only the guilt of needing to post something on the blog is the only thing that keeps me even thinking of my plans. My oh so perfect idealism of a few months ago. I go to bed every night convinced I'm back on path, that tomorrow will be the day. And some days I'm actually on plan. But then it all falls apart again.

To be fair, when I'm off plan, I'm nowhere as atrocious to myself as I was before this blog. I have somewhat better instincts now. But I'm not making progress. I'm not making myself proud, I'm not improving. I'm falling farther and farther and farther behind.

So am I wasting my time? I don't think so. I won't give up completely. I won't. I just have to keep trying.

One of these days, I have to do it right.

grumpy

I like to think I'm reasonably intelligent. I know that it is better to under-pay on tax withholding throughout the year than to overpay and get a refund.

But this is the second year in a row my employer screwed up my taxes to the point I have to pay more than a thousand this April (ok, so this year it was actually Liz's employer, but we file together so same result). And its hard to see it a coming out way ahead in the long run, though on some level I know I am.

So I'm a bit grumpy today, so I'll sign off before I become contagious. :(

where i've been (end of week 22)

This has been a real up and down week for me. I haven't gotten all of my workout in, and I can't say that i did a very good job of keeping track of my points, though moving in the right direction on that front.

Today in particular was hard, as I spent the day in Court. All day trials are always a challenge, and we didn't even get done with the case, so I have another full day scheduled for a week from today. And just to ensure maximum emotional drainage on my part, it is a particularly ugly custody fight. On the plus side, I've been working on this case for over a year, and it is a relief to be one step closer to putting it behind me.

But I have been doing a lot of work around the house that somewhat replaces the workouts, so that has helped. We've made real strides on the wallpaper job, though I've discovered that scrubbing the wall of wallpaper paste residue is much less fun even than removing the wallpaper itself.

And everything is so far so good on the baby front, so keep your fingers crossed for me.


Anyway, so I'm down 1.3 on the week, but realistically I'd say I'm still holding pretty much steady. I don't really feel in the zone.

So this week's goals are not number related. This week my goal will be to err on the side of over-blogging, to try and hold myself accountable the way I promised to be when I first started this blog.

Tomorrow: reintroduction for those joining me from the Healthy Start Challenge.

First Tuesday (aka end of week 21)

So today is a new start for the blog, as I post my opening salvo in sorts to the Healthy You Challenge. I'm hoping that I can convince myself that this is the big kick off to the year for me, and that 2008 will be marked by great strides forward.


Current Weight: 363.5 (yes, going the wrong way from last week again !!) :(


Current goal: back down to 350 by the end of February.


Current Outlook: Pessimistic.

End of week 20

Another holding pattern sort of week for me, as I come in slightly up again at 362.1 :(


Because I've finally gotten around to signing up for the Healthy You Challenge (sorry to be so slow!), and it's set up to a Tuesday report-in date, Week 21 will only have five days, and my end of the week reports will now be switching to Tuesdays. I'm hoping this will also get me posting more often and with more substance, as I'll probably have comments to make regarding what's going on over on the HYC blog.



If you're a health/weightloss/personal improvement blogger and you haven't signed up for the Healthy You Challenge.... what are you waiting for? Come and join up and make 2008 your best year ever!

Don't wallpaper a ceiling.

So every time I think I'm going to have some free time to make a real post, I end up swamped in work.

This past week Liz and I discovered that we had some mold developing on some of our wallpaper. We've been wanting to be rid of the wallpaper in our house for ages, and now it had become a priority. So since Wednesday I've been spending all the time I'm not at work taking down layer upon layer of old paper.

If you're ever deciding between painting or wallpapering a wall that doesn't already have wallpaper... be kind to the next people to live in your house and paint! Pulling down wallpaper, i've found, is a messy and unrewarding job. Most especially, don't wallpaper a ceiling!! (all of the ceilings in our house have a double layer of wallpaper too).


Anyways, lifestyle wise its been a moderately good week so far, though yesterday I went out to the Olive Garden, which is less than ideal for me. I am disappointed that the clementine season seems to have ended rather abruptly though, as I am quite fond of them.

End of week 19

New Year, new efforts.

The holidays did not go too well, I'm back up to 361.4. But I'm back on plan, back at it.

Have to run to work now, will do a real update this afternoon.