A couple of months ago, I said that I was in the honeymoon phase of my diet. I was just so excited about all the progress I was making, and found the changes I had made so simple and obvious that I couldn't even imagine a time when I would find it difficult.
Yeah, so that's not the case any more.
Now I'm to the most dangerous point of an attempt at a lifestyle change. I haven't been doing this long enough that it is natural to me, but long enough that I'm bored with it. Plus I have reached the point where I can't rely on having spectacular progress reports to cheer me up every half a week. I will get through this. I just need to square my shoulders and work my way through.
The Abs Diet warns you to explain to loved ones that when you restrict calories and get into an exercise routine you will likely experience random mood swings for a while. When I was on the abs diet approach in 2005, I did experience that. This time I thought I had avoided the problem, because I was just so upbeat for the first several weeks. But this past week I've been all over the place. I've been really depressed for no reason, I've been optimistic, I've been angry and discouraged. I think the excitement of losing weight so quickly this time blocked the emotional impact of the restricted diet and now that's wearing off.
Or maybe its completely unrelated, who knows.
Anyway, here's hoping that another 10 weeks finds me to the point where all of this comes more naturally, and has become a habit rather than an effort.
On the bright side, I jogged 1.1 miles yesterday, averaging 4.6 miles/hour. If I get in at least .8 miles today I'll make 25 miles total walked or jogged for the month. No idea if I'll be able to keep up the pace next month since I'm limited to the treadmills/track at the gym, and since November is a day shorter, but I'll give it my best shot.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
mid week number 10
So I've officially hit my first plateau. The 330's are out to get me!
So we'll turn to other measurements for some positive news. When I went out to find a scale that would be high enough capacity to use for me, I also spent a few extra bucks and got one that does fat percentage. I haven't really paid attention to that so much yet, but have made note of it every now and again. Today I realized that using that, I could get a rough idea of how many pounds I've lost that were fat pounds and how many were lean/water pounds.
Anyway, I'm quite pleased to learn that of my 55.4 lbs weight loss... approximately 60 lbs were fat. So whatever water weight I've lost has been regained in extra lean mass, plus another 4.6 lbs for good measure.
This is a fairly big relief for me. While I enjoyed losing the first fifty pounds in only 8 weeks, I was always a little concerned that I was doing something wrong, and would end up losing muscle instead of fat. Apparently that isn't the case. I'm hoping that as I work my way through this wall I've hit I will be able to report fat pounds lost even if I can't report over all progress.
I do have a new roadblock/challenge in my way, though. My treadmill has decided to take a vacation. I can get it to turn on, and to claim to be going through the calibration sequence, but the belt just won't move at all. So I ended up getting no formal exercise yesterday (we did go shopping so I got a little bit of a walk in), and this morning I left the house at quarter past five to go to the gym and use one of their treadmills.
I am going to call tech support today at lunch to see if there's anything I can do. Unfortunately replacing the treadmill just isn't feasible at the moment, so I may be going without for a while. Hopefully I can get into the habit of getting over to the Y before work, but it does make for an awfully early morning.
Current weight: 337.4
Loss this week: .6 lbs
Total Loss: 55.4 lbs
So we'll turn to other measurements for some positive news. When I went out to find a scale that would be high enough capacity to use for me, I also spent a few extra bucks and got one that does fat percentage. I haven't really paid attention to that so much yet, but have made note of it every now and again. Today I realized that using that, I could get a rough idea of how many pounds I've lost that were fat pounds and how many were lean/water pounds.
Anyway, I'm quite pleased to learn that of my 55.4 lbs weight loss... approximately 60 lbs were fat. So whatever water weight I've lost has been regained in extra lean mass, plus another 4.6 lbs for good measure.
This is a fairly big relief for me. While I enjoyed losing the first fifty pounds in only 8 weeks, I was always a little concerned that I was doing something wrong, and would end up losing muscle instead of fat. Apparently that isn't the case. I'm hoping that as I work my way through this wall I've hit I will be able to report fat pounds lost even if I can't report over all progress.
I do have a new roadblock/challenge in my way, though. My treadmill has decided to take a vacation. I can get it to turn on, and to claim to be going through the calibration sequence, but the belt just won't move at all. So I ended up getting no formal exercise yesterday (we did go shopping so I got a little bit of a walk in), and this morning I left the house at quarter past five to go to the gym and use one of their treadmills.
I am going to call tech support today at lunch to see if there's anything I can do. Unfortunately replacing the treadmill just isn't feasible at the moment, so I may be going without for a while. Hopefully I can get into the habit of getting over to the Y before work, but it does make for an awfully early morning.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
a much better day.
So today was a much easier day. In part because my mood has lifted considerably. I had a good weigh in this morning (better than I dared hoped to be honest). I had a good workout at the gym tonight. Tomorrow I'll pass the 2o mile mark for the month, and it is the last day before a weekend. And best of all I went the whole day without wanting to go out and spoil my diet plan. While cravings like yesterday are not the norm, it has been a few weeks since I've really found staying on plan so appealing as I did today.
And of course blogging helped, and I got some really supportive and hopeful comments and e-mails. I'm feeling recommitted and reinvested, and ready to face the coming weeks and months.
And now for something completely different....
Teale asked me to give an explanation of programwide.
Programwide is a 36 hour retreat which I attend twice a year. All of SEOLS (Southeastern Ohio Legal Services, which is a legal aid program serving the 33 counties roughly south of Columbus and east of I-71) attorneys, paralegals, and support staff are required to attend. We have meetings about the state of the program, funding issues, and what each office (we have 8) is doing these days. About 2/3 of the business hours part of the retreat is spent on various trainings, including sessions which count towards continuing legal education (CLE) credits, such as the session on substance abuse. After dinner we are free for the evening, and generally hire a DJ and a bartender, that sort of thing.
In case anybody is curious and doesn't already know... I've been a legal aid attorney with SEOLS for two years now. Legal aid is essentially public defenders for civil matters. We provide direct representation to clients facing problems with eviction, foreclosure, consumer (debt collection, car sales/repairs, fraud, etc), public benefits (welfare, foodstamps, social security, medicaid, etc), and family law (divorce, custody, etc). We handle basically any kind of case unless it is criminal law or if the client would be able to get an attorney without our help (either court appointed or via a contingency fee agreement). We are only able to assist the very poor (under 125% of federal poverty guidelines, and don't get me started on how absurdly low the guidelines are), or the elderly (over 65), and we never charge our clients for our services. Federal law puts significant limitations on what we can and can't do, most significantly we are not allowed to bring a class action suit, and we are not allowed to ask that the opposing party pay us attorneys fees as part of a judgment or settlement. I work in Chillicothe, Ohio, which serves Ross, Pickaway, Jackson, Pike, and Fayette Counties.
Anyway, this has gotten far enough off topic for one entry :) But hopefully now if I mention something about work you'll have some context.
And of course blogging helped, and I got some really supportive and hopeful comments and e-mails. I'm feeling recommitted and reinvested, and ready to face the coming weeks and months.
And now for something completely different....
Teale asked me to give an explanation of programwide.
Programwide is a 36 hour retreat which I attend twice a year. All of SEOLS (Southeastern Ohio Legal Services, which is a legal aid program serving the 33 counties roughly south of Columbus and east of I-71) attorneys, paralegals, and support staff are required to attend. We have meetings about the state of the program, funding issues, and what each office (we have 8) is doing these days. About 2/3 of the business hours part of the retreat is spent on various trainings, including sessions which count towards continuing legal education (CLE) credits, such as the session on substance abuse. After dinner we are free for the evening, and generally hire a DJ and a bartender, that sort of thing.
In case anybody is curious and doesn't already know... I've been a legal aid attorney with SEOLS for two years now. Legal aid is essentially public defenders for civil matters. We provide direct representation to clients facing problems with eviction, foreclosure, consumer (debt collection, car sales/repairs, fraud, etc), public benefits (welfare, foodstamps, social security, medicaid, etc), and family law (divorce, custody, etc). We handle basically any kind of case unless it is criminal law or if the client would be able to get an attorney without our help (either court appointed or via a contingency fee agreement). We are only able to assist the very poor (under 125% of federal poverty guidelines, and don't get me started on how absurdly low the guidelines are), or the elderly (over 65), and we never charge our clients for our services. Federal law puts significant limitations on what we can and can't do, most significantly we are not allowed to bring a class action suit, and we are not allowed to ask that the opposing party pay us attorneys fees as part of a judgment or settlement. I work in Chillicothe, Ohio, which serves Ross, Pickaway, Jackson, Pike, and Fayette Counties.
Anyway, this has gotten far enough off topic for one entry :) But hopefully now if I mention something about work you'll have some context.
Nine weeks down
As I expected, I did not have the most stellar of weeks, though nothing I can complain about. I'm starting to get to the point where I have to expect to slow down even further, probably approaching 2 lbs a week or so. Damn physics =)
Which is really not bad considering I took three days which were kinda half on plan half off at the beginning of this week. But even the second half of the week where I was completely on plan was a little slower than I'd grown accustomed to. I may hit another good burst of quick loss in the future, but realistically I'd say the days of losing nearly a full pound every day are gone.
Current Weight: 338.0
Weight loss this week: 3.8 lbs
Total for 9 weeks: 54.8 lbs
Percentage of End Obesity: 33.05 %
Which is really not bad considering I took three days which were kinda half on plan half off at the beginning of this week. But even the second half of the week where I was completely on plan was a little slower than I'd grown accustomed to. I may hit another good burst of quick loss in the future, but realistically I'd say the days of losing nearly a full pound every day are gone.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
it never ends, does it?
Be forewarned, I'm in somewhat of a self-pity/bitchy mood, so this will be more of an chance to vent some frustration than any intelligent discourse.
I imagine a day, somewhere in the future, when I don't have self destructive compulsions. When I don't want to go out and buy more food than an average family should eat in a week and sit in front of the tv for hours just stuffing myself to the point of being sick. That day certainly has not arrived.
Today I had the strongest craving for Kroger's baked chicken, with the skin and the oh so salty seasoning. I barely know how to describe it. If you've felt such a craving, you already know, if you haven't, you don't and you're lucky. I felt as if I needed something high in fat and salt like I need air. Like a piece of me went missing. Deciding to resist caused me literally to break out into a sweat and my hands to shake. I started to feel ill, like I was going to pass out if I didn't just stop and indulge. I even broke down enough to stop and walk into the store, and just stood there staring at the display. And then I turned around, bought an apple and a bottle of water, and headed back for my car.
In a way this was a victory of sorts, but it feels like the most abject of defeats. After nine weeks of working so hard, of making such good progress, and there I was begging myself just to throw it all away. Just to take what I wanted now, tomorrow be damned. And Liz be damned and my friends be damned and my very life be damned, just so I could have that taste again. Just so I could have for five minutes that sensation of pure taste and abandon. I hate that part of me.
And it hates me back. Its the part of me that wants me to fail. To never take risks, to never draw attention to myself, to never speak to anyone or be with anyone. The part of me that tells me to just stay in bed and be alone forever.
And a horrible thought hit me today, and I can't help but think that its right. I don't think it will ever go away, this craving. I can suppress it. I can deny it. I can block it with healthy foods and water. But it will always be a part of me. I will never be like Liz or Tim or any of my other healthy friends who can allow themselves to do whatever they want as far as food is concerned. And it isn't because they have more willpower or higher metabolisms, its because they simply don't want what I want. Liz would be disgusted to even imagine eating a quarter of some of the meals that I now remember with a mixture of horror and fond longing. If your worst craving is for an occasional can of mountain dew or a icecream cone, guess what, you can have the ice cream cone and the mountain dew. You could even give in to the temptation to have both in a single day. You can even basically replace water in your diet with mountain dew if you want (and he knows who I'm talking about). And it won't matter.
I figured out that a box of that baked chicken that I loved so much, that would work out to over 35 points. More than a days worth of calories, beyond a week's worth of saturated fat. And there have been times when that was just the main course of a single meal. I've gone entire weeks without a single vegetable other than the lettuce that comes on hamburgers. That is who I am. That is how I got to be as I am now.
Am I changed? Or am I just lying to myself?
Will I ever be able to come across this entry in my archives and say, "man, I haven't felt a craving like that in weeks?" Months? Or will it always be a daily struggle for me? Can you really change who you are?
As an attorney, I have to attend a training every other year on "substance abuse." This is because attorneys are like five times as likely as non-attorneys to be alcoholics or become drug users. [This isn't the real stat, just made up to make the point... but there are a lot of alcoholic attorneys out there.] The criteria for what constitutes SA training is fairly broad. Usually it is geared towards either identifying drinking problems in people around you or how to get someone help or how to get help for yourself.
I have attended three of these sessions now. Once in lawschool, and two after lawschool. [heck, thinking back on it, I was sitting next to someone who reads this blog during the one in lawschool ;)]. I have never made it through one of these trainings yet with dry eyes. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind admitting that I have extremely overactive tear ducts for a guy... I cry every single time I watch "Wonderful Life." So the fact that I get teary eyed doesn't necessarily mean all that much.
In lawschool, it was during that lecture that I had the moment when I first admitted to myself that I had a real problem with food and with my weight. That started me off on my first real attempt at life style change. And I lost like 40 lbs, but gained it all back with interest. As it happens, my friend who was sitting next to me that day is also the same person who came out of nowhere and somehow convinced me to get back on the wagon this fall. I have moments when I seriously wonder if she isn't an angel of some sort.
The most recent one of these was about a week ago now at Programwide. It was planned by a wonderful woman who happens to be married to one of my bosses. She is a counselor of some sort for people with drug/alcohol issues. According to her talk, studies have found a brainwave pattern in alcoholics which is not found in non alcoholics. This wave is either balanced or canceled, or something, by the ingestion of alcohol. And here's the kicker. This brainwave is considered to be a medical basis for the insistence by many alcoholics that they only feel "normal" when they are drunk. That without alcohol they just don't feel right in some vague sort of way. And further research has suggested that such a thing exists for other addictions as well.
This hit me like a ton of bricks. Months or maybe even years ago, Liz asked me why I eat the way I do, why I enjoy food so much. And the best answer I could come up with wasn't that food makes me feel good. I don't feel a high from really rich chocolate or particularly yummy dessert, or a fat and salt infused chicken breast. No, I eat those things because I feel normal when I eat them. Like without them something just isn't right with the world.
So no, I doubt I will ever be so good, so faithful, so hardworking in this new lifestyle that I don't have the occasional overwhelming urge to chuck it all overboard and go on a bender. My only hope is that with the help of Liz and my friends I can get past the hard parts. And that when I do slip up, I will be able to find my feet again.
I imagine a day, somewhere in the future, when I don't have self destructive compulsions. When I don't want to go out and buy more food than an average family should eat in a week and sit in front of the tv for hours just stuffing myself to the point of being sick. That day certainly has not arrived.
Today I had the strongest craving for Kroger's baked chicken, with the skin and the oh so salty seasoning. I barely know how to describe it. If you've felt such a craving, you already know, if you haven't, you don't and you're lucky. I felt as if I needed something high in fat and salt like I need air. Like a piece of me went missing. Deciding to resist caused me literally to break out into a sweat and my hands to shake. I started to feel ill, like I was going to pass out if I didn't just stop and indulge. I even broke down enough to stop and walk into the store, and just stood there staring at the display. And then I turned around, bought an apple and a bottle of water, and headed back for my car.
In a way this was a victory of sorts, but it feels like the most abject of defeats. After nine weeks of working so hard, of making such good progress, and there I was begging myself just to throw it all away. Just to take what I wanted now, tomorrow be damned. And Liz be damned and my friends be damned and my very life be damned, just so I could have that taste again. Just so I could have for five minutes that sensation of pure taste and abandon. I hate that part of me.
And it hates me back. Its the part of me that wants me to fail. To never take risks, to never draw attention to myself, to never speak to anyone or be with anyone. The part of me that tells me to just stay in bed and be alone forever.
And a horrible thought hit me today, and I can't help but think that its right. I don't think it will ever go away, this craving. I can suppress it. I can deny it. I can block it with healthy foods and water. But it will always be a part of me. I will never be like Liz or Tim or any of my other healthy friends who can allow themselves to do whatever they want as far as food is concerned. And it isn't because they have more willpower or higher metabolisms, its because they simply don't want what I want. Liz would be disgusted to even imagine eating a quarter of some of the meals that I now remember with a mixture of horror and fond longing. If your worst craving is for an occasional can of mountain dew or a icecream cone, guess what, you can have the ice cream cone and the mountain dew. You could even give in to the temptation to have both in a single day. You can even basically replace water in your diet with mountain dew if you want (and he knows who I'm talking about). And it won't matter.
I figured out that a box of that baked chicken that I loved so much, that would work out to over 35 points. More than a days worth of calories, beyond a week's worth of saturated fat. And there have been times when that was just the main course of a single meal. I've gone entire weeks without a single vegetable other than the lettuce that comes on hamburgers. That is who I am. That is how I got to be as I am now.
Am I changed? Or am I just lying to myself?
Will I ever be able to come across this entry in my archives and say, "man, I haven't felt a craving like that in weeks?" Months? Or will it always be a daily struggle for me? Can you really change who you are?
As an attorney, I have to attend a training every other year on "substance abuse." This is because attorneys are like five times as likely as non-attorneys to be alcoholics or become drug users. [This isn't the real stat, just made up to make the point... but there are a lot of alcoholic attorneys out there.] The criteria for what constitutes SA training is fairly broad. Usually it is geared towards either identifying drinking problems in people around you or how to get someone help or how to get help for yourself.
I have attended three of these sessions now. Once in lawschool, and two after lawschool. [heck, thinking back on it, I was sitting next to someone who reads this blog during the one in lawschool ;)]. I have never made it through one of these trainings yet with dry eyes. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind admitting that I have extremely overactive tear ducts for a guy... I cry every single time I watch "Wonderful Life." So the fact that I get teary eyed doesn't necessarily mean all that much.
In lawschool, it was during that lecture that I had the moment when I first admitted to myself that I had a real problem with food and with my weight. That started me off on my first real attempt at life style change. And I lost like 40 lbs, but gained it all back with interest. As it happens, my friend who was sitting next to me that day is also the same person who came out of nowhere and somehow convinced me to get back on the wagon this fall. I have moments when I seriously wonder if she isn't an angel of some sort.
The most recent one of these was about a week ago now at Programwide. It was planned by a wonderful woman who happens to be married to one of my bosses. She is a counselor of some sort for people with drug/alcohol issues. According to her talk, studies have found a brainwave pattern in alcoholics which is not found in non alcoholics. This wave is either balanced or canceled, or something, by the ingestion of alcohol. And here's the kicker. This brainwave is considered to be a medical basis for the insistence by many alcoholics that they only feel "normal" when they are drunk. That without alcohol they just don't feel right in some vague sort of way. And further research has suggested that such a thing exists for other addictions as well.
This hit me like a ton of bricks. Months or maybe even years ago, Liz asked me why I eat the way I do, why I enjoy food so much. And the best answer I could come up with wasn't that food makes me feel good. I don't feel a high from really rich chocolate or particularly yummy dessert, or a fat and salt infused chicken breast. No, I eat those things because I feel normal when I eat them. Like without them something just isn't right with the world.
So no, I doubt I will ever be so good, so faithful, so hardworking in this new lifestyle that I don't have the occasional overwhelming urge to chuck it all overboard and go on a bender. My only hope is that with the help of Liz and my friends I can get past the hard parts. And that when I do slip up, I will be able to find my feet again.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
told you so
So in the past I've been inertia's bitch. Kind of makes sense, what with my size and what not. And this morning I had a relapse of that. But tonight I got off my butt and kept my word to myself. (Thanks Dee and Lisa for the inspiration).
It really does surprise me how much harder the increased incline makes the work on the treadmill. I got in a mile with 60% jogging, but the longest I could do in one stretch was .3 miles. And, let me say that just about killed me. I assume this happens to other people too... but when I am pushing myself extra hard, I sometimes get a ache in the right side of my stomach. I should say I used to, because frankly I haven't pushed myself that hard since highschool soccer practice, until tonight. It was almost pleasant in a weird way. I have never worked that hard just for my own benefit, always before it was because I had someone (soccer coaches to be exact) pushing me to go past my comfort zone. I like to think it means I'm doing everything that I can do.
Today was a odd day in that I stayed under on points, but feel as if I over indulged in food. Just everything I had was fairly low calorie. That happens a lot when I really go overboard on steamed veggies... since they have like no points (well, about one per serving). I end up feeling as full as I would have felt back in my binging days, but with only about a tenth of the calories, if that. As far as I know, such days aren't a problem, so long as I keep my taste for veggies and don't switch back to potato chips!
Liz made a really good treat for me the other day. I don't have the exact recipe, but its basically no sugar cheesecake flavor pudding mixed made up with condensed milk blended with canned pumpkin, with lots of extra cinnamon added for flavor and for fiber. And a whole cup is only 2 points. And I get to have dessert :)
It really does surprise me how much harder the increased incline makes the work on the treadmill. I got in a mile with 60% jogging, but the longest I could do in one stretch was .3 miles. And, let me say that just about killed me. I assume this happens to other people too... but when I am pushing myself extra hard, I sometimes get a ache in the right side of my stomach. I should say I used to, because frankly I haven't pushed myself that hard since highschool soccer practice, until tonight. It was almost pleasant in a weird way. I have never worked that hard just for my own benefit, always before it was because I had someone (soccer coaches to be exact) pushing me to go past my comfort zone. I like to think it means I'm doing everything that I can do.
Today was a odd day in that I stayed under on points, but feel as if I over indulged in food. Just everything I had was fairly low calorie. That happens a lot when I really go overboard on steamed veggies... since they have like no points (well, about one per serving). I end up feeling as full as I would have felt back in my binging days, but with only about a tenth of the calories, if that. As far as I know, such days aren't a problem, so long as I keep my taste for veggies and don't switch back to potato chips!
Liz made a really good treat for me the other day. I don't have the exact recipe, but its basically no sugar cheesecake flavor pudding mixed made up with condensed milk blended with canned pumpkin, with lots of extra cinnamon added for flavor and for fiber. And a whole cup is only 2 points. And I get to have dessert :)
lunch break
Dunno why, but I just could not make myself do my treadmill this morning. So I went in to work a little early, and headed down to the Y during my lunch. Now I need to just grab a quick lunch and head out, cause I've got appointments this afternoon out of town.
I will do my treadmill this evening. I will stay on plan.
I will do my treadmill this evening. I will stay on plan.
Monday, October 22, 2007
First of many
I did it!!
For what I believe to be the first time in my life, I just jogged a full mile without resting!
I did it at an average of 4.2 mph (.1 at 4.0, .8 at 4.2, .1 at 4.5), and at a 1 degree incline. Tomorrow I'm back at 5 degrees, but I think I may take a day every week to do a mile or more at 1 degree, at least until I've gotten to the point of doing the mile at 5.
For what I believe to be the first time in my life, I just jogged a full mile without resting!
I did it at an average of 4.2 mph (.1 at 4.0, .8 at 4.2, .1 at 4.5), and at a 1 degree incline. Tomorrow I'm back at 5 degrees, but I think I may take a day every week to do a mile or more at 1 degree, at least until I've gotten to the point of doing the mile at 5.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
inching closer to that first mile
I wasn't sure, with a few days off, how well my treadmill workout would go today. But I managed to push myself up to .75 miles jogging and only .25 walking. My legs were a little stiff at first, but they worked out ok as I got going.
Last week when I had to do a leg workout without the Y being open, I decided to try walking a mile on the treadmill set to 10 degrees (its max) instead of my standard 5. It was a much harder workout than I had been anticipating. Thinking about it now, I think tomorrow I might try my jog with the treadmill set to flat, and see how much easier it is there. No promises, but If it makes as much of a difference as I suspect, I may shoot to jog a full mile tomorrow. Then whatever happens, I'll go back to the 5 degrees the day after, and continue working my way up to a mile on that setting.
Now I need to go fix breakfast :) Quick tip - Kroger brand frozen veggies makes two different sizes of chopped broccoli. The smaller size pieces work really well in omelets (I use store brand egg beaters for mine)
Last week when I had to do a leg workout without the Y being open, I decided to try walking a mile on the treadmill set to 10 degrees (its max) instead of my standard 5. It was a much harder workout than I had been anticipating. Thinking about it now, I think tomorrow I might try my jog with the treadmill set to flat, and see how much easier it is there. No promises, but If it makes as much of a difference as I suspect, I may shoot to jog a full mile tomorrow. Then whatever happens, I'll go back to the 5 degrees the day after, and continue working my way up to a mile on that setting.
Now I need to go fix breakfast :) Quick tip - Kroger brand frozen veggies makes two different sizes of chopped broccoli. The smaller size pieces work really well in omelets (I use store brand egg beaters for mine)
midweek report for week 9
I was writing my midweek report in bed this morning, and in my head it started something like this...
"Well, I always said there'd be weeks like this. I'm afraid I have to report my first negative loss. Now its only a midweek report, and I can't say I'm surprised with programwide then a visit in Z-ville followed by my parents coming down to watch the games yesterday."
and so on. But by some miracle, I don't have a negative report. I don't have much of a loss to show, but it is still in the right direction :)
I did get out to the Y yesterday, but I did not get my treadmill in for the day. I did the Y in the morning because a) they close at 4:30, and b) my parents were arriving at around 3 to watch the buckeyes game. I figured I'd get the treadmill in before bed, but we ended up watching the Michigan and the Indians games (extremely painful, btw), and by the time we called it a night I could barely walk up the stairs before falling asleep. I feel somewhat guilty about it now... its the first time in three weeks or so that sticking to my schedule would have been practicable, and only lack of motivation/energy on my part made me slack.
But it's done, and I'm back on the wagon, so I'm not going to obsess. And hell, I've still made some, if not stellar, progress this week. Can't complain about that!
And as of today I'm back on a normal schedule... no expectations of any specific challenges until Saturday. Saturday I'm attending a wedding and a costume party, so I'll probably only do my treadmill in the morning and not get an evening workout, plus who knows what I'll end up doing food wise. But at least I can end out this week strong and try to make up for some lost time.
"Well, I always said there'd be weeks like this. I'm afraid I have to report my first negative loss. Now its only a midweek report, and I can't say I'm surprised with programwide then a visit in Z-ville followed by my parents coming down to watch the games yesterday."
and so on. But by some miracle, I don't have a negative report. I don't have much of a loss to show, but it is still in the right direction :)
Current Weight : 340.8
Loss this half week: 1 lb
Loss for 8.5 weeks: 52 lbs.
I did get out to the Y yesterday, but I did not get my treadmill in for the day. I did the Y in the morning because a) they close at 4:30, and b) my parents were arriving at around 3 to watch the buckeyes game. I figured I'd get the treadmill in before bed, but we ended up watching the Michigan and the Indians games (extremely painful, btw), and by the time we called it a night I could barely walk up the stairs before falling asleep. I feel somewhat guilty about it now... its the first time in three weeks or so that sticking to my schedule would have been practicable, and only lack of motivation/energy on my part made me slack.
But it's done, and I'm back on the wagon, so I'm not going to obsess. And hell, I've still made some, if not stellar, progress this week. Can't complain about that!
And as of today I'm back on a normal schedule... no expectations of any specific challenges until Saturday. Saturday I'm attending a wedding and a costume party, so I'll probably only do my treadmill in the morning and not get an evening workout, plus who knows what I'll end up doing food wise. But at least I can end out this week strong and try to make up for some lost time.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
one down, twenty two to go
I accomplished one of my "once i've lost weight" goals this week. Specifically, "18) Dance at bars or programwides without having to be drunk first."
This programwide I danced as much as I wanted, and just decided that I didn't really give a rat patootie what people might think I looked like. I was having fun, and that's what mattered. And I didn't have a single drop of anything stronger than water the whole time I was in Burr Oak.
The other positive weight loss news is that when I saw my parents Friday afternoon (first time i'd been over to see them in about five weeks), they immediately noticed that I have been making progress. They are now two of the extremely few people who have done so without being told I was trying to do so, so that made me feel more confident. Programwide had taken on a kind of signficance to me to see if people not aware of the blog or any of this would notice the change in me, and when nobody said anything about it I got myself somewhat depressed. I mean, I know that it is extremely likely that it was noticeable to some of my friends, but they just felt it would be impolite to mention it, like when you're cautious about asking a woman friend if they're pregnant unless you're really really sure of the answer. But there were a couple of people I had hoped, based on their general attitudes towards such rules, would say something, and none of them did.
Programwide as a whole was pretty good, and relaxing. In the terms relevant to this blog, however, it was something of a mini disaster.
As predicted, the only options for lunch on Tuesday were hamburgers, hotdogs, baked beans (and I have no doubt loaded with both fat and HFCS), potato salad (I know potatoes are technically a vegetable, but I don't count them as such), and potato chips (especially in chip form). I did try a veggie burger, and to my surprise it was actually really tasty. I did go ahead and have it on a bun, just because I wanted to be able to cover it in toppings and I don't have enough practice eating leaf sandwiches to want to do so in front of a lot of other people (I always end up with a huge mess).
Then dinner was a little better, there were steamed (but overly so) green beans with carrots, something approaching a cesar salad with grilled chicken (I skipped the parm. and croutons) and penne with a marinara which had squash pieces cooked into it. I probably should have skipped the pasta, but I was a captive audience with little in the way of options (no car and the closest town about a half hour drive away), and I knew I'd need the energy for the party that night.
Friday didn't go much better. I had lunch at a buffet with my parents, and I did pick healthy options, but I still ate too many of them. I don't think any single item was at all problematic... ok, the grilled chicken did have Teriyaki on it, but other than that everything by itself was great, but two plates of healthy food plus some fruit for dessert still adds up. Plus it turned out to be my only meal of the day, so while I was likely under on points, I had them all at once, which is very not on plan.
I may or may not go back and figure out my points for the past two days. I hate doing so when I'm having something like pasta sauce without having access to that particular recipie or label, as it varies so much by what you put in it. And I know I overate, so I may just put down 40 points for each day and leave it at that.
On the "move more" side of things, I did a lot better. After dinner I went for about a mile walk, down this hill to the lake, around a good chunk of the lake, and then back up an a fairly huge hill (that was really rough, my heart rate felt like it was pushing the max HR boundary by the time I reached the top). Then of course dancing at the party (from about 9 till 1:30, I was probably dancing 40% of the time, and drinking lots of water). Then another walk outdoors yesterday after lunch, prob. about a mile again. Then a strength training when I got home last night. Which was more difficult than usual because I only got about about three hours sleep Thurs. night, and got home at around 9 pm.
And on the "motivate better" arena... well I really have to give major appreciation on that front to Dee and Scale Junkie for their posts here, and to everyone who left comments or e-mails while I was gone. Starting this blog was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself. And to think that other people are looking to me for any sort of example... that's a true shock, and will be a huge motivator as I move forward.
Thank you all so much!
This programwide I danced as much as I wanted, and just decided that I didn't really give a rat patootie what people might think I looked like. I was having fun, and that's what mattered. And I didn't have a single drop of anything stronger than water the whole time I was in Burr Oak.
The other positive weight loss news is that when I saw my parents Friday afternoon (first time i'd been over to see them in about five weeks), they immediately noticed that I have been making progress. They are now two of the extremely few people who have done so without being told I was trying to do so, so that made me feel more confident. Programwide had taken on a kind of signficance to me to see if people not aware of the blog or any of this would notice the change in me, and when nobody said anything about it I got myself somewhat depressed. I mean, I know that it is extremely likely that it was noticeable to some of my friends, but they just felt it would be impolite to mention it, like when you're cautious about asking a woman friend if they're pregnant unless you're really really sure of the answer. But there were a couple of people I had hoped, based on their general attitudes towards such rules, would say something, and none of them did.
Programwide as a whole was pretty good, and relaxing. In the terms relevant to this blog, however, it was something of a mini disaster.
As predicted, the only options for lunch on Tuesday were hamburgers, hotdogs, baked beans (and I have no doubt loaded with both fat and HFCS), potato salad (I know potatoes are technically a vegetable, but I don't count them as such), and potato chips (especially in chip form). I did try a veggie burger, and to my surprise it was actually really tasty. I did go ahead and have it on a bun, just because I wanted to be able to cover it in toppings and I don't have enough practice eating leaf sandwiches to want to do so in front of a lot of other people (I always end up with a huge mess).
Then dinner was a little better, there were steamed (but overly so) green beans with carrots, something approaching a cesar salad with grilled chicken (I skipped the parm. and croutons) and penne with a marinara which had squash pieces cooked into it. I probably should have skipped the pasta, but I was a captive audience with little in the way of options (no car and the closest town about a half hour drive away), and I knew I'd need the energy for the party that night.
Friday didn't go much better. I had lunch at a buffet with my parents, and I did pick healthy options, but I still ate too many of them. I don't think any single item was at all problematic... ok, the grilled chicken did have Teriyaki on it, but other than that everything by itself was great, but two plates of healthy food plus some fruit for dessert still adds up. Plus it turned out to be my only meal of the day, so while I was likely under on points, I had them all at once, which is very not on plan.
I may or may not go back and figure out my points for the past two days. I hate doing so when I'm having something like pasta sauce without having access to that particular recipie or label, as it varies so much by what you put in it. And I know I overate, so I may just put down 40 points for each day and leave it at that.
On the "move more" side of things, I did a lot better. After dinner I went for about a mile walk, down this hill to the lake, around a good chunk of the lake, and then back up an a fairly huge hill (that was really rough, my heart rate felt like it was pushing the max HR boundary by the time I reached the top). Then of course dancing at the party (from about 9 till 1:30, I was probably dancing 40% of the time, and drinking lots of water). Then another walk outdoors yesterday after lunch, prob. about a mile again. Then a strength training when I got home last night. Which was more difficult than usual because I only got about about three hours sleep Thurs. night, and got home at around 9 pm.
And on the "motivate better" arena... well I really have to give major appreciation on that front to Dee and Scale Junkie for their posts here, and to everyone who left comments or e-mails while I was gone. Starting this blog was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself. And to think that other people are looking to me for any sort of example... that's a true shock, and will be a huge motivator as I move forward.
Thank you all so much!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Fifty One. Week 8 results.
As of right now, I'm 51 lbs less obese than I was 8 weeks ago today. For the record, that's a total of :
current weight: 341.8
loss this week: 5.4
loss overall: 51
percent of 2008 goal: 30.76%
More on what this all means for me when I get back on Saturday.
current weight: 341.8
loss this week: 5.4
loss overall: 51
percent of 2008 goal: 30.76%
More on what this all means for me when I get back on Saturday.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
another trip to the gym
So I'm about to leave for another workout at the gym. Today marks 21 days in a row that I've gotten in both planned workouts. Not a bad first run. Tomorrow I will almost certainly miss my afternoon workout and then Friday I'll miss the morning jog. But I'm recommitting myself to getting back on the horse Saturday.
This will be the last workout vacation until at least Thanksgiving.
So I still don't really have a plan for how to get through my retreat (called programwide, btw). Not drinking shouldn't be too hard, the place we're going has a lousy bar anyway, and I'm trying to stay in budget this month. Lunch will be all but impossible... I don't recall there being any veggies last year, except veggie burgers. One thing I have not yet learned to tolerate is fake meat products. I love all sorts of veggies, and I've even learned to like tofu... but fake meat stuff is just wrong for me.
Do you ever drink out of a glass thinking it's milk and it turns out to be OJ or something else? You like OJ, it tastes fine, but in that moment it just tastes wrong. Like your body is all set to register milk, so the taste you get is interpreted not as OJ but as really funny tasting milk? That's kind of how fake meat tastes to me. Like I can't convince my eyes that it isn't going to taste like real beef or whatever, and then when it doesn't it just tastes... wrong.
So I think the best solution for tomorrow will be to just do the best I can, try to stick with beans and any veggies that do show up. And not worry too much about it if I am not perfect.
You know, there are so many reasons in my life I have no right to be an uptight perfectionist with myself. One of these days one will get through to me ;)
If anybody reads here who doesn't read scale junkie... check out her letter to herself. I need to say the same thing to myself pretty much every time things don't go perfectly, I'm just not as articulate about it. Thanks for the inspiration, SJ :)
This will be the last workout vacation until at least Thanksgiving.
So I still don't really have a plan for how to get through my retreat (called programwide, btw). Not drinking shouldn't be too hard, the place we're going has a lousy bar anyway, and I'm trying to stay in budget this month. Lunch will be all but impossible... I don't recall there being any veggies last year, except veggie burgers. One thing I have not yet learned to tolerate is fake meat products. I love all sorts of veggies, and I've even learned to like tofu... but fake meat stuff is just wrong for me.
Do you ever drink out of a glass thinking it's milk and it turns out to be OJ or something else? You like OJ, it tastes fine, but in that moment it just tastes wrong. Like your body is all set to register milk, so the taste you get is interpreted not as OJ but as really funny tasting milk? That's kind of how fake meat tastes to me. Like I can't convince my eyes that it isn't going to taste like real beef or whatever, and then when it doesn't it just tastes... wrong.
So I think the best solution for tomorrow will be to just do the best I can, try to stick with beans and any veggies that do show up. And not worry too much about it if I am not perfect.
You know, there are so many reasons in my life I have no right to be an uptight perfectionist with myself. One of these days one will get through to me ;)
If anybody reads here who doesn't read scale junkie... check out her letter to herself. I need to say the same thing to myself pretty much every time things don't go perfectly, I'm just not as articulate about it. Thanks for the inspiration, SJ :)
a new day
Its a new day, and a new, more positive outlook. I got an unusually restful night's sleep, woke up to a healthy breakfast and a even healthier jog. Tomorrow is a weigh in, and I'm cautiously optimistic that I will pass the 50 lb mark.
As for the jog... I'm now up to doing a mile in 4 sections of .1 walk/.15 jog, though I dropped my jogging speed back down to 4.0 for three of the four jogging sections. Once I'm back up to doing 4.5 mph, I'll start pushing myself to .2 miles jogging at a time. I'm also up to 14.3 miles for October. I have little doubt I'll get to 20 miles for the month, maybe 25 if I push it, though I am going to have to take Friday the 19th off. I think 25 miles a month is a good target to end out the year, then next year I'll try for 30.
I have to leave extra early tomorrow morning, so It'll probably just be a quick post with my results for week 8. Then I'll be back here either late Friday or mid day Saturday, depending on whether I come straight back home or if I head up to Z-ville Friday night.
-------------------------------
I do want to take a second to explain one of my subversive thoughts from yesterday, because I don't want to leave anyone with a false impression. When Liz suggested that I might need liposuction at the end of my journey, it wasn't because she lacks confidence in me or is not supportive. Liz really has a lot more confidence in my ability to keep at this project than I do. Her reasoning was based on some research cited in the Abs Diet (which we've both read). The author says that abdominal fat consists of lipids, and that lipid cells can only expand so far before they split into two cells. He also says that while it is possible to remove the fat from a lipid cell, it is impossible to make it disappear all together. Therefore once you have x lipid cells in your abdomen, you can only lose weight by making each cell as small as possible. Liz is worried that I have so many lipids now that even if I empty them as much as physically possible, I will still be overweight from where I want to be. As we read the Abs Diet's reasoning, the most dedicated body builder would need liposuction to get past a certain point.
I'm holding out hope that that no more progress level is somewhere below the obesity mark, if not below the healthy weight mark, and that I will just decide that I had reached a level where I could happily maintain my weight. Liz thinks it might be higher than that. However, even if I am happy with my weight, it might make sense to have some of the cells removed, as the cells themselves are potentially harmful (release hormones that can cause high blood pressure, etc) and having the cells there makes it easier to regain the weight once I've lost it, which I definitely don't want to do.
Anyway, this is all a couple of years away, so I'm not going to worry about it right now. I just wanted to set the record straight.
------------------------------
Chubby Chick, thank you so much for your kind comment from yesterday. I know you don't have a lot of spare blog time this week, so I am honored that you took time to read through my somewhat self-pitying rant yesterday :) I promise to keep posting!
As for the jog... I'm now up to doing a mile in 4 sections of .1 walk/.15 jog, though I dropped my jogging speed back down to 4.0 for three of the four jogging sections. Once I'm back up to doing 4.5 mph, I'll start pushing myself to .2 miles jogging at a time. I'm also up to 14.3 miles for October. I have little doubt I'll get to 20 miles for the month, maybe 25 if I push it, though I am going to have to take Friday the 19th off. I think 25 miles a month is a good target to end out the year, then next year I'll try for 30.
I have to leave extra early tomorrow morning, so It'll probably just be a quick post with my results for week 8. Then I'll be back here either late Friday or mid day Saturday, depending on whether I come straight back home or if I head up to Z-ville Friday night.
-------------------------------
I do want to take a second to explain one of my subversive thoughts from yesterday, because I don't want to leave anyone with a false impression. When Liz suggested that I might need liposuction at the end of my journey, it wasn't because she lacks confidence in me or is not supportive. Liz really has a lot more confidence in my ability to keep at this project than I do. Her reasoning was based on some research cited in the Abs Diet (which we've both read). The author says that abdominal fat consists of lipids, and that lipid cells can only expand so far before they split into two cells. He also says that while it is possible to remove the fat from a lipid cell, it is impossible to make it disappear all together. Therefore once you have x lipid cells in your abdomen, you can only lose weight by making each cell as small as possible. Liz is worried that I have so many lipids now that even if I empty them as much as physically possible, I will still be overweight from where I want to be. As we read the Abs Diet's reasoning, the most dedicated body builder would need liposuction to get past a certain point.
I'm holding out hope that that no more progress level is somewhere below the obesity mark, if not below the healthy weight mark, and that I will just decide that I had reached a level where I could happily maintain my weight. Liz thinks it might be higher than that. However, even if I am happy with my weight, it might make sense to have some of the cells removed, as the cells themselves are potentially harmful (release hormones that can cause high blood pressure, etc) and having the cells there makes it easier to regain the weight once I've lost it, which I definitely don't want to do.
Anyway, this is all a couple of years away, so I'm not going to worry about it right now. I just wanted to set the record straight.
------------------------------
Chubby Chick, thank you so much for your kind comment from yesterday. I know you don't have a lot of spare blog time this week, so I am honored that you took time to read through my somewhat self-pitying rant yesterday :) I promise to keep posting!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
motivation issues
I've been on plan every day for the past several days without a post, but it has been more of a challenge than previously. Last night was particularly difficult. I just didn't really want to go out to the gym, and I really really wanted to binge. To be honest, I'm not 100% sure why it was that I ended up going to the gym and staying well under on points for the day.
Some days its fairly simple. I feel excited about my goals, about how well I'm advancing towards them, about looking forward to surprising people who hadn't seen me in a while. Then, just in the past week or so, I've been having an increasing feeling of "who cares."
These are the kinds of things going through my mind :
I'm proud of the fact that despite these barbs of internal sabotage, I stayed on plan yesterday. And I plan to again today, and tomorrow.
One thing I obviously haven't been doing as much the last couple of days is writing here or commenting on other blogs. That goes back to the lack of excitement I'm feeling. And its even something of a chicken and egg problem. I will make a conscious effort to post on the blog every day this week, and spend a little more time reading other blogs, and hopefully find that emotional commitment again.
Part of the difficulty last night is that Liz is out of town until Wednesday evening, and I had to be at work super early yesterday. So I was starving by the time I had lunch at two, and just wanted to spend the rest of the day eating, the way I probably would have done if this were a year ago and Liz were out of town. I decided to distract myself by a ride to Columbus and a trip to whole foods to find if they had any no HFCS/trans fat pretzels without added salt. They didn't, but I did get a couple of other things which seemed interesting and a few things we've had before but have used up, so the trip wasn't completely wasted. And it did get me out of the house and a bit out of my funk, so that was good.
Thursday and Friday will be a little different, because I'm going to my twice annual retreat for work. Which means 1) staying at a park lodge with no workout room that I've found yet, and therefore no treadmill Friday morning. 2) Thursday night exercise will be dancing (we have a DJ), if I can get up the nerve to do it. Conveniently Thursday is a leg day this week anyway. I may slip out and try to go walk one of the trails Thursday between dinner and the party too. 3) Friday we get done at noon, so I should still be able to get back to the gym Friday evening, and even if I don't I can do a home version of the upper body workout. 4) Meals will be a real challenge, as Thursday lunch is always hamburgers and hotdogs and potato salad, and dinner is never much better.
One bright note, I wore a suit yesterday that eight weeks ago had been my emergency backup for when my primary suit was too dirty or wrinkled to wear, but it didn't really fit me. I basically couldn't button the jacket without the button threating to pop off. Anyway, it fit me beautifully yesterday, the pants were even a size too large I think. So that was a good thing.
---------------------------------
Update: 8:50 pm
Anyway, just writing this has cheered me up quite a bit (see, not writing in my blog really was was part of the problem more than it was a symptom). I had to write it on paper for a change, as my house had no power this morning. I typed it in here this evening, but backdated it to when I actually wrote it earlier today.
Today went a good deal better, motivation wise. Today was my 7th day in a row on plan. Half way to setting a new record for myself.
I realized I didn't do a midweek weigh in this week, but I'm just not going to worry about it since week 8 ends in 36 hours. But I think I will be pleased with the results for the week.
Thank you to everyone who has left comments or sent me e-mails. Your support is a big part of what keeps this blog, and my efforts at rebirth, going strong.
Some days its fairly simple. I feel excited about my goals, about how well I'm advancing towards them, about looking forward to surprising people who hadn't seen me in a while. Then, just in the past week or so, I've been having an increasing feeling of "who cares."
These are the kinds of things going through my mind :
Is it really going to matter in the long run? Am I shy and isolated and unpopular because I'm fat, or am I fat because that gives me an excuse to be shy and isolated and unpopular? How much will this really change my life? And its probebly too late to signficantly improve my health, isn't it? I mean, you can't be more than 150 lbs overweight for 28 years, and then get down to a healthy weight and not expect to develop diabetes and have a heart attack at 35, can you? And will I even look any better, my skin certainly isn't going to just fall back into place as I lose the weight, the elastic has been well and truly sprung by this point. Do I really want to have to consider having plastic surgery after all this hard work is done? And Liz even thinks I may have to consider liposuction towards the end to get the last 50 lbs zapped!
I'm proud of the fact that despite these barbs of internal sabotage, I stayed on plan yesterday. And I plan to again today, and tomorrow.
One thing I obviously haven't been doing as much the last couple of days is writing here or commenting on other blogs. That goes back to the lack of excitement I'm feeling. And its even something of a chicken and egg problem. I will make a conscious effort to post on the blog every day this week, and spend a little more time reading other blogs, and hopefully find that emotional commitment again.
Part of the difficulty last night is that Liz is out of town until Wednesday evening, and I had to be at work super early yesterday. So I was starving by the time I had lunch at two, and just wanted to spend the rest of the day eating, the way I probably would have done if this were a year ago and Liz were out of town. I decided to distract myself by a ride to Columbus and a trip to whole foods to find if they had any no HFCS/trans fat pretzels without added salt. They didn't, but I did get a couple of other things which seemed interesting and a few things we've had before but have used up, so the trip wasn't completely wasted. And it did get me out of the house and a bit out of my funk, so that was good.
Thursday and Friday will be a little different, because I'm going to my twice annual retreat for work. Which means 1) staying at a park lodge with no workout room that I've found yet, and therefore no treadmill Friday morning. 2) Thursday night exercise will be dancing (we have a DJ), if I can get up the nerve to do it. Conveniently Thursday is a leg day this week anyway. I may slip out and try to go walk one of the trails Thursday between dinner and the party too. 3) Friday we get done at noon, so I should still be able to get back to the gym Friday evening, and even if I don't I can do a home version of the upper body workout. 4) Meals will be a real challenge, as Thursday lunch is always hamburgers and hotdogs and potato salad, and dinner is never much better.
One bright note, I wore a suit yesterday that eight weeks ago had been my emergency backup for when my primary suit was too dirty or wrinkled to wear, but it didn't really fit me. I basically couldn't button the jacket without the button threating to pop off. Anyway, it fit me beautifully yesterday, the pants were even a size too large I think. So that was a good thing.
---------------------------------
Update: 8:50 pm
Anyway, just writing this has cheered me up quite a bit (see, not writing in my blog really was was part of the problem more than it was a symptom). I had to write it on paper for a change, as my house had no power this morning. I typed it in here this evening, but backdated it to when I actually wrote it earlier today.
Today went a good deal better, motivation wise. Today was my 7th day in a row on plan. Half way to setting a new record for myself.
I realized I didn't do a midweek weigh in this week, but I'm just not going to worry about it since week 8 ends in 36 hours. But I think I will be pleased with the results for the week.
Thank you to everyone who has left comments or sent me e-mails. Your support is a big part of what keeps this blog, and my efforts at rebirth, going strong.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
the plan
So Chubby Chick (her name for herself, not mine) asked in a comment yesterday that I explain my weight loss plan. So here it is.
Part I: eat less.
My food intake is based maybe 40% on Weight Watchers (I'm not an official member), 40% on the Abs Diet by David ZincZenko, and 20% on either my own theories or other sources.
I do portion control based on WW points. My current point allowance is 33, which is based on the old system, on the grounds that the new system just was way too lenient for my tastes (it would still allow me 44 points a day). I generally try not to use the flex points, and have managed to use none of them in 3 out of the 7 weeks I've tracked so far. I don't bother calculating any activity points (or whatever they're called... based on working out).
But that's just portions. My food choices are based largely on the Abs Diet's "power foods." Which is to say, look for each of these 12 different foods, and avoid at all costs high fructose corn syrup (the dreded HFCS I mention often in the blog) on the grounds it is more likely to cause diabetes, and trans fats, for, well everyone knows they're bad.
The weakness, in my opinion, in the Abs Diet is that they are so focused on assuring the reader that you can eat whatever you want as long as you avoid HFCS and trans fats, that they are fairly silent on portion control. Sure it says that with the extra fiber and protien you're eating you won't want to eat more than is ok, but that never really worked for me. Even when I was on a pure version of the Abs Diet back in 2005, I kept a calorie log, because I have a fairly week internal "full" sensor, and the calorie log kept my portions in check.
Another big way I deviate from the advice in Abs Diet is that it relies heavily on smoothies, and I just can't force myself to learn to like them. I've tried making myself eat a smoothy for breakfast, but I more often than not end up pitching it, skipping breakfast altogether, and then being too hungry to do self control at lunch.
Beyond that I incorporate advice that I read which makes sense to me, and other little tricks based on my own experience and understanding of my motivators.
Part II: Move More.
My exercise is pretty much a matter of personal tastes and pushing myself as hard as I can do. If I'm stuck at home on an upper body day, I still do the weight lifting routine laid out in Abs Diet, but most days I'm at the gym.
I do a treadmill every morning before showering (I have a Ironman treadmill that Liz and I bought about a year ago. Its in the dining room because we bought it refurbished, and therefore it came in one piece, and we couldn't even think about lifting it to get it up stairs.) I started out just doing walking, and pushing the pace and distance every day. Now I alternate .1 walking and .1 jogging. Currently I'm up to half a mile of each, 2.5 mph on the walking part, 4.5 on the jogging. Beginning October 1, I have also been keeping track of how far I've walked or jogged on the treadmill, and am up to 10.85 miles for the month.
Every afternoon after work plus Saturday I head over to the Y. I alternate days, one day doing all of the upper body machines, the next doing stationary bike and the leg machines. Sunday, since the Y is closed, I do a home version of the upper body workout from Abs Diet, or an extra treadmill session, depending on which day it is in the rotation.
Part III: Motivate better
I am a member of a e-mail group fall challenge, I post to the blog, I read other blogs, and I keep track of my eating and walking in Excel. So I have a lot of metrics and a lot of supporters. I think that last is the single most important element of the plan. It is certainly the biggest change from any attempt I've made before, and it seems to be doing wonders ;)
Part I: eat less.
My food intake is based maybe 40% on Weight Watchers (I'm not an official member), 40% on the Abs Diet by David ZincZenko, and 20% on either my own theories or other sources.
I do portion control based on WW points. My current point allowance is 33, which is based on the old system, on the grounds that the new system just was way too lenient for my tastes (it would still allow me 44 points a day). I generally try not to use the flex points, and have managed to use none of them in 3 out of the 7 weeks I've tracked so far. I don't bother calculating any activity points (or whatever they're called... based on working out).
But that's just portions. My food choices are based largely on the Abs Diet's "power foods." Which is to say, look for each of these 12 different foods, and avoid at all costs high fructose corn syrup (the dreded HFCS I mention often in the blog) on the grounds it is more likely to cause diabetes, and trans fats, for, well everyone knows they're bad.
The weakness, in my opinion, in the Abs Diet is that they are so focused on assuring the reader that you can eat whatever you want as long as you avoid HFCS and trans fats, that they are fairly silent on portion control. Sure it says that with the extra fiber and protien you're eating you won't want to eat more than is ok, but that never really worked for me. Even when I was on a pure version of the Abs Diet back in 2005, I kept a calorie log, because I have a fairly week internal "full" sensor, and the calorie log kept my portions in check.
Another big way I deviate from the advice in Abs Diet is that it relies heavily on smoothies, and I just can't force myself to learn to like them. I've tried making myself eat a smoothy for breakfast, but I more often than not end up pitching it, skipping breakfast altogether, and then being too hungry to do self control at lunch.
Beyond that I incorporate advice that I read which makes sense to me, and other little tricks based on my own experience and understanding of my motivators.
Part II: Move More.
My exercise is pretty much a matter of personal tastes and pushing myself as hard as I can do. If I'm stuck at home on an upper body day, I still do the weight lifting routine laid out in Abs Diet, but most days I'm at the gym.
I do a treadmill every morning before showering (I have a Ironman treadmill that Liz and I bought about a year ago. Its in the dining room because we bought it refurbished, and therefore it came in one piece, and we couldn't even think about lifting it to get it up stairs.) I started out just doing walking, and pushing the pace and distance every day. Now I alternate .1 walking and .1 jogging. Currently I'm up to half a mile of each, 2.5 mph on the walking part, 4.5 on the jogging. Beginning October 1, I have also been keeping track of how far I've walked or jogged on the treadmill, and am up to 10.85 miles for the month.
Every afternoon after work plus Saturday I head over to the Y. I alternate days, one day doing all of the upper body machines, the next doing stationary bike and the leg machines. Sunday, since the Y is closed, I do a home version of the upper body workout from Abs Diet, or an extra treadmill session, depending on which day it is in the rotation.
Part III: Motivate better
I am a member of a e-mail group fall challenge, I post to the blog, I read other blogs, and I keep track of my eating and walking in Excel. So I have a lot of metrics and a lot of supporters. I think that last is the single most important element of the plan. It is certainly the biggest change from any attempt I've made before, and it seems to be doing wonders ;)
Friday, October 12, 2007
The Regained is Relost
7 weeks ago I owned three belts. Two of them I couldn't buckle, the third I could only buckle on the very loosest setting if I squeezed.
Now I own three belts. One of which I can't buckle because there isn't a small enough setting, the other two I can only buckle on the very tightest setting, and one of those is a little looser than I'd like. It works well for pants that are about two sizes too big, but doesn't really work with pants that actually fit me (the extra material folded over at the waist band helps fill out the belt)
And I think my next new belt may come from somewhere other than casual male xl, and may have to come pretty soon.
So yeah, I'm happy today :)
As to the title of this post.... I'm declaring myself done with re-losing the weight I'd regained in the past two years, and I'm now working on new territory. I don't really remember exactly where I finished last time, and have unfortunately lost my weight loss journal from that year. But I do remember how my wedding suit fit me when I was at my lightest.
For those of you who don't know, my wedding suit is the only tailored suit I've ever owned. It was a very generous wedding gift from my in-laws, and I don't even want to think about how much it cost. So not being able to wear it has always been one of my biggest regrets in my weight gain after the wedding. Soon I'll be able to wear it for a while before it goes back in the closet as too big. If I manage to maintain my weight loss, I may even decide to have it taken in to fit again. Its a really nice suit.
So anyway, I put on my wedding suit last night, and it fits me again. A little tight, so I won't wear it for real for another week or so to avoid ripping the pants (they are over 5 years old now, after all). But it does fit me as well or better than it did two years ago when I wore it to my job interview at SEOLS.
Only 30 lbs or so to go until Highschool graduation weight (somewhere around 320). That's the new goal for the end of the year. I don't have any tactile clothes memory to tell me when I've gotten there... so I'll just pick 320, so that there's a little gap between that milestone and the big 300 milestone
Now I own three belts. One of which I can't buckle because there isn't a small enough setting, the other two I can only buckle on the very tightest setting, and one of those is a little looser than I'd like. It works well for pants that are about two sizes too big, but doesn't really work with pants that actually fit me (the extra material folded over at the waist band helps fill out the belt)
And I think my next new belt may come from somewhere other than casual male xl, and may have to come pretty soon.
So yeah, I'm happy today :)
As to the title of this post.... I'm declaring myself done with re-losing the weight I'd regained in the past two years, and I'm now working on new territory. I don't really remember exactly where I finished last time, and have unfortunately lost my weight loss journal from that year. But I do remember how my wedding suit fit me when I was at my lightest.
For those of you who don't know, my wedding suit is the only tailored suit I've ever owned. It was a very generous wedding gift from my in-laws, and I don't even want to think about how much it cost. So not being able to wear it has always been one of my biggest regrets in my weight gain after the wedding. Soon I'll be able to wear it for a while before it goes back in the closet as too big. If I manage to maintain my weight loss, I may even decide to have it taken in to fit again. Its a really nice suit.
So anyway, I put on my wedding suit last night, and it fits me again. A little tight, so I won't wear it for real for another week or so to avoid ripping the pants (they are over 5 years old now, after all). But it does fit me as well or better than it did two years ago when I wore it to my job interview at SEOLS.
Only 30 lbs or so to go until Highschool graduation weight (somewhere around 320). That's the new goal for the end of the year. I don't have any tactile clothes memory to tell me when I've gotten there... so I'll just pick 320, so that there's a little gap between that milestone and the big 300 milestone
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Introducing pure lard, now with 0 grams fat per serving
Serving size, .5 grams.
Did you know that the new Crisco with "0 grams trans fat per serving" actually has more than .4 grams of trans fat per serving? And the FDA logic for allowing this to happen is that it's too hard to test for trans levels that low. Ok, imagine we accept that... who set the serving level? Does this mean that if I break my prepackaged food item up small enough, I could call it fat free? Sorry FDA, the .0000001 oz serving size is too small to allow us to test for fat, I guess we'll just label it 0 fat per serving.
And of course, the FDA would say, no no, we don't allow that sort of nonsense. We made soda manufacturers increase the serving size on a can of pop to the whole can, didn't we? (actually, I don't know if that was the FDA's decision, but whatever).
But why couldn't they test for trans fats using two servings to test from? Or Four? Isn't the stuff fairly uniform? Can't they just say, ok, we'll test this whole vat for trans fats, and then divide the results by the number of servings?
Somehow that just seems more fair, not to mention health conscious.
Oh, and Canada requires testing to .2 grams accuracy. It isn't as if the fat is easier to detect above the 49th parallel.
And I guess I really don't have any room to bitch about this. I didn't get to be morbidly obese because I didn't realize Crisco was bad for me. But now, in trying to turn my life around, I would appreciate it if I could at least count on accurate information.
Ok, rant over.
Did you know that the new Crisco with "0 grams trans fat per serving" actually has more than .4 grams of trans fat per serving? And the FDA logic for allowing this to happen is that it's too hard to test for trans levels that low. Ok, imagine we accept that... who set the serving level? Does this mean that if I break my prepackaged food item up small enough, I could call it fat free? Sorry FDA, the .0000001 oz serving size is too small to allow us to test for fat, I guess we'll just label it 0 fat per serving.
And of course, the FDA would say, no no, we don't allow that sort of nonsense. We made soda manufacturers increase the serving size on a can of pop to the whole can, didn't we? (actually, I don't know if that was the FDA's decision, but whatever).
But why couldn't they test for trans fats using two servings to test from? Or Four? Isn't the stuff fairly uniform? Can't they just say, ok, we'll test this whole vat for trans fats, and then divide the results by the number of servings?
Somehow that just seems more fair, not to mention health conscious.
Oh, and Canada requires testing to .2 grams accuracy. It isn't as if the fat is easier to detect above the 49th parallel.
And I guess I really don't have any room to bitch about this. I didn't get to be morbidly obese because I didn't realize Crisco was bad for me. But now, in trying to turn my life around, I would appreciate it if I could at least count on accurate information.
Ok, rant over.
end of week 7 report
So Sunday and Tuesday didn't end up hurting my week as a whole. I think I have the regular exercise routine to thank for that (14 days without a miss!)
Weight: 347.2
Week's loss: 6.6, 45.6 down since Aug 23
27.5% of the way to the end of obesity.
And so far I've walked/jogged 8.85 miles for October.
Speaking of which, today I did five sets of my walk/jog, meaning I jogged an entire half mile! I think I will stick at that pace for about a week, and then next week I'll change the routine to be .1 mile walking followed by .15 miles jogging, and work towards being able to do a mile that way.
.5 down, only 2.6 left to go before I can do a 5K :)
Weight: 347.2
Week's loss: 6.6, 45.6 down since Aug 23
27.5% of the way to the end of obesity.
And so far I've walked/jogged 8.85 miles for October.
Speaking of which, today I did five sets of my walk/jog, meaning I jogged an entire half mile! I think I will stick at that pace for about a week, and then next week I'll change the routine to be .1 mile walking followed by .15 miles jogging, and work towards being able to do a mile that way.
.5 down, only 2.6 left to go before I can do a 5K :)
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
When I've reached my weightloss goals ....
When I got my job after lawschool, Liz and I suddenly had a lot more income coming in than we were used to. So we anticipated, and kept saying, "hey, when you start getting a paycheck, lets do ______." It quickly became too much to keep straight, so we had to start making a list, so we could be sure to do the highest priority things first.
Well, I need to start making a "when i've reached my weightloss goals" list. These are things that I couldn't do right now, either due to physical or psychological barriers, which the pure act of doing them will be a celebration of my achievement. This list is going to be a work in progress, and I will put a link to this post somewhere on the blog so you can check back for any additions. I'd also love any suggestions you might have, just leave them in the comments.
So here they are, in no particular order than the order that I happened to think of them in. And they don't all necessary require the same goal, some can happen at a higher weight than others.
Last updated: 10-11-2007
When I have reached my weight loss goals I will:
1) Finally take scuba lessons. I went diving once, just in a swimming pool, at a summer camp in seventh grade or so, and I absolutely loved the experience. I've always wanted to learn to dive for real, but it simply isn't practicable at my size.
2) Rent a convertible for a road trip. And not have to worry about whether I will fit behind the steering wheel.
3) Go swimming where there are other people other than just Liz.
4) buy a tailored suit once I have reached a level that I want to just maintain and not lose any more
5) fly in an airplane and not be afraid that they'll make me pay for two seats
6) join a softball or soccer or basketball team and be able to hold my own
7) run a half marathon. I really don't have any interest in doing a full one, they are just brutal on the well being of even a conditioned athlete, but a half would be fun.
8) hike up a mountain. And not be winded any faster than Liz.
9) Ride a bike from one city to another. I don't know why, this has always been something I though would be a lot of fun if I could do it.
10) Ride a train in a sleeper car.
11) Have the experience of being "checked out" by a woman who doesn't know me and be able to imagine that she likes what she sees
12) Feel confident showering in the locker room.
13) Not have to think about my weight every single day without regaining what I've lost
14) Canoe down the Muskingum I used to love canoing at summer camp. Then one year I ended up having to drag my canoe a good chunk of the way because the water was shallow that year and the boat kept running into the river bed. I haven't canoed since.
15) Shop at a "normal person" department store.
16) Go to cedar point which is another of those things I loved to do growing up but haven't been able to do in years.
17) Play backyard football and maybe even on the "skins" team.
18) Dance at bars or programwides without having to be drunk first. First Accomplished: October 18, 2007, fall programwide.
19) Join a choral group - this has more to do with lung capacity than weight, but the two are related. I sang in school choir for 7 years and in my church choir for about 2, but that's long past now.
20) Go onto the roof of my house and not worry that I'll fall through
21) Climb a tree - I've never actually done this, I never had the upper body strength to match my weight.
22) Climb a ladder without being worried that it will break.
23) Sit on the patio at a restaurant and fit into the chair and be confident it will hold me.
24) Attend an Indians game and be able to fit in the seats and ...
25) Attend a play or the above mentioned baseball game and be able to slip down the row past other people to reach my seat.
Well, I need to start making a "when i've reached my weightloss goals" list. These are things that I couldn't do right now, either due to physical or psychological barriers, which the pure act of doing them will be a celebration of my achievement. This list is going to be a work in progress, and I will put a link to this post somewhere on the blog so you can check back for any additions. I'd also love any suggestions you might have, just leave them in the comments.
So here they are, in no particular order than the order that I happened to think of them in. And they don't all necessary require the same goal, some can happen at a higher weight than others.
Last updated: 10-11-2007
When I have reached my weight loss goals I will:
1) Finally take scuba lessons. I went diving once, just in a swimming pool, at a summer camp in seventh grade or so, and I absolutely loved the experience. I've always wanted to learn to dive for real, but it simply isn't practicable at my size.
2) Rent a convertible for a road trip. And not have to worry about whether I will fit behind the steering wheel.
3) Go swimming where there are other people other than just Liz.
4) buy a tailored suit once I have reached a level that I want to just maintain and not lose any more
5) fly in an airplane and not be afraid that they'll make me pay for two seats
6) join a softball or soccer or basketball team and be able to hold my own
7) run a half marathon. I really don't have any interest in doing a full one, they are just brutal on the well being of even a conditioned athlete, but a half would be fun.
8) hike up a mountain. And not be winded any faster than Liz.
9) Ride a bike from one city to another. I don't know why, this has always been something I though would be a lot of fun if I could do it.
10) Ride a train in a sleeper car.
11) Have the experience of being "checked out" by a woman who doesn't know me and be able to imagine that she likes what she sees
12) Feel confident showering in the locker room.
13) Not have to think about my weight every single day without regaining what I've lost
14) Canoe down the Muskingum I used to love canoing at summer camp. Then one year I ended up having to drag my canoe a good chunk of the way because the water was shallow that year and the boat kept running into the river bed. I haven't canoed since.
15) Shop at a "normal person" department store.
16) Go to cedar point which is another of those things I loved to do growing up but haven't been able to do in years.
17) Play backyard football and maybe even on the "skins" team.
18) Dance at bars or programwides without having to be drunk first. First Accomplished: October 18, 2007, fall programwide.
19) Join a choral group - this has more to do with lung capacity than weight, but the two are related. I sang in school choir for 7 years and in my church choir for about 2, but that's long past now.
20) Go onto the roof of my house and not worry that I'll fall through
21) Climb a tree - I've never actually done this, I never had the upper body strength to match my weight.
22) Climb a ladder without being worried that it will break.
23) Sit on the patio at a restaurant and fit into the chair and be confident it will hold me.
24) Attend an Indians game and be able to fit in the seats and ...
25) Attend a play or the above mentioned baseball game and be able to slip down the row past other people to reach my seat.
dieting when nobody's around
So usually I'm complaining about sticking to my weight loss plan when other people are around to mess it up. Today I want to consider the opposite situation.
Tonight I was feeling particularly tired and a bit sore when I got home from work, and was very tempted to skip the afternoon workout. "I've already done 13 days without a miss... what's one day," I thought. And even more depressingly, "nobody would know you skipped, Liz won't be home until 11 tonight. You could go play computer games and relax. Hell, you could even run out and buy some chicken and nobody would ever have to know."
But you know what, I would know. And that's the point. I'm not doing this for Liz, although she's thrilled with my decision. And I'm not doing this for G, even though she is the one who finally kicked my ass into gear. I'm doing this for my own health and happiness.
So I went to the gym, and I did my whole workout. And I came home and had a LC dinner (grilled chicken & penne with caramel apple dessert - 6.4 points.) And I am going to get to bed early tonight feeling good about myself, not feeling guilty that I had broken the rules.
I do wish that voice would go away, but I'm coming to the conclusion that it never will. I will likely never be able to pass a Wendy's or a Dairy Queen without occasionally feeling a pang of longing for the bad old days when I just didn't care what I allowed myself to eat. I'll never be able to smell fresh hot chicken without becoming instantly hungry.
But in the end I have to make a choice. 5 minutes of pleasure now, no matter how badly I long for it, is just not worth the cost on my life, my mobility, and my health. It isn't worth the cost to Liz or to my family or to my friends. It isn't worth the dread that I will have kids who are ashamed to be seen with me in public. It isn't worth the cost and embarrassment of having to shop at the fat guy store.
It just isn't worth it.
Tonight I was feeling particularly tired and a bit sore when I got home from work, and was very tempted to skip the afternoon workout. "I've already done 13 days without a miss... what's one day," I thought. And even more depressingly, "nobody would know you skipped, Liz won't be home until 11 tonight. You could go play computer games and relax. Hell, you could even run out and buy some chicken and nobody would ever have to know."
But you know what, I would know. And that's the point. I'm not doing this for Liz, although she's thrilled with my decision. And I'm not doing this for G, even though she is the one who finally kicked my ass into gear. I'm doing this for my own health and happiness.
So I went to the gym, and I did my whole workout. And I came home and had a LC dinner (grilled chicken & penne with caramel apple dessert - 6.4 points.) And I am going to get to bed early tonight feeling good about myself, not feeling guilty that I had broken the rules.
I do wish that voice would go away, but I'm coming to the conclusion that it never will. I will likely never be able to pass a Wendy's or a Dairy Queen without occasionally feeling a pang of longing for the bad old days when I just didn't care what I allowed myself to eat. I'll never be able to smell fresh hot chicken without becoming instantly hungry.
But in the end I have to make a choice. 5 minutes of pleasure now, no matter how badly I long for it, is just not worth the cost on my life, my mobility, and my health. It isn't worth the cost to Liz or to my family or to my friends. It isn't worth the dread that I will have kids who are ashamed to be seen with me in public. It isn't worth the cost and embarrassment of having to shop at the fat guy store.
It just isn't worth it.
No soy el diablo
As I was leaving Athens (Ohio) last night, my mind was racing, alternating between mentally flogging myself and writing a furious blog entry lamenting my sins.
Having slept on it though, I realized that I wasn't being fair. So I messed up at dinner, that happens. It isn't the end of my journey.
Let's back up a step. Last night Liz and I drove down to Athens to meet her parents for dinner at Casa Nuevo, a fun Mexican joint which specializes in using locally sourced ingredients and has a fair amount of vegan friendly options. We had to wait for our table, so we ordered a plate of Nachos... "that's ok, I'll only have a few." Then we got to our table and ordered some appetizers and some chips and salsa. This is where I ran into trouble. CN's salsas are of local renown, I had to sample them. And suddenly I had forgotten what I was working towards and was just enjoying myself and the "good" food. Then I ordered an enchillada for my main course, and did remember myself enough to order one with broccoli, mushrooms, and black beans instead of the pulled pork or steak. But all in all I probebly had the second highest calorie and fat meal that I've had in 7 solid weeks.
I'm not going to stay under 350 this way!! 2 days Off Plan in a 3 day window? Right after a 14 day stretch of On Plan days??
But you know what, I've decided not to get all depressed and start a downward spiral. Another weight loss blogger was complaining about having hit a batch of bad days, feeling like she wasn't going to get on plan. From reading her entry I learned two things. 1) the importance of posting about setbacks and not just positive results, and 2) that vacations happen, and its how we deal with them the next day that really matters. As soon as she started focusing on the future rather than regretting the past, she was back on track.
I can't afford to move to Hawaii and spend every day sitting on the beach drinking cocktails. But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't take a vacation now and then. And instead of worrying about all the work I'm not doing, I'm going to just relax and enjoy my vacation, knowing that the real world is waiting for me when I get back.
The same is true with Off Plan days. I can't afford to make them the norm, I can't afford to do them very often, and I certainly can't afford to waste them feeling guilty and angry at myself for slipping up.
So here's the plan. Vacations will be as rare as I can make them, they will be reported to the blog, but they will not derail me completely. And in the long run, I will get to my goal.
Having slept on it though, I realized that I wasn't being fair. So I messed up at dinner, that happens. It isn't the end of my journey.
Let's back up a step. Last night Liz and I drove down to Athens to meet her parents for dinner at Casa Nuevo, a fun Mexican joint which specializes in using locally sourced ingredients and has a fair amount of vegan friendly options. We had to wait for our table, so we ordered a plate of Nachos... "that's ok, I'll only have a few." Then we got to our table and ordered some appetizers and some chips and salsa. This is where I ran into trouble. CN's salsas are of local renown, I had to sample them. And suddenly I had forgotten what I was working towards and was just enjoying myself and the "good" food. Then I ordered an enchillada for my main course, and did remember myself enough to order one with broccoli, mushrooms, and black beans instead of the pulled pork or steak. But all in all I probebly had the second highest calorie and fat meal that I've had in 7 solid weeks.
I'm not going to stay under 350 this way!! 2 days Off Plan in a 3 day window? Right after a 14 day stretch of On Plan days??
But you know what, I've decided not to get all depressed and start a downward spiral. Another weight loss blogger was complaining about having hit a batch of bad days, feeling like she wasn't going to get on plan. From reading her entry I learned two things. 1) the importance of posting about setbacks and not just positive results, and 2) that vacations happen, and its how we deal with them the next day that really matters. As soon as she started focusing on the future rather than regretting the past, she was back on track.
I can't afford to move to Hawaii and spend every day sitting on the beach drinking cocktails. But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't take a vacation now and then. And instead of worrying about all the work I'm not doing, I'm going to just relax and enjoy my vacation, knowing that the real world is waiting for me when I get back.
The same is true with Off Plan days. I can't afford to make them the norm, I can't afford to do them very often, and I certainly can't afford to waste them feeling guilty and angry at myself for slipping up.
So here's the plan. Vacations will be as rare as I can make them, they will be reported to the blog, but they will not derail me completely. And in the long run, I will get to my goal.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
how big is too big
So I've had a lot of experience in deciding that pants are just too damn tight to wear any more. I've never done the reverse. I actually have a pair of pants which are coming right to the cusp of that, and will sooner or later need to make the decision to put them away.
Not that I will get rid of them, they are my biggest "fat pants," and I'll want them down the road. Admit it, everybody who has ever set out to lose weight imagines themselves doing the fat pants photo. Well, I certainly do.
Right now the pants fit me loosely enough that, standing, I can put the base of my thumb against my stomach and the base of my pinky against the inside of the waist band without any stretching the pants or tightening my stomach muscles. Sitting they maybe only have about an inch clearance.
So here's the question. In theory, as long as I keep buying ever shrinking belts, I can continue wearing pants that are much to big for me, I just take them in with the belt. But eventually the waist is not going to be the only problem. So I will need to figure out when they just look baggy on me. Fortunately I have two or three pairs of pants that I've reshrunk into (thank goodness for being a pack rat), so I won't have to go out and immediately buy a whole new wardrobe.
So, in terms of waist, I think I've made pretty impressive progress. I started out wearing pants that were size 58" waist and a little too tight. Tonight I went through my "too small to fit pile" and found a size 56" and two 54" that fit me well, and even my size 52's I could put on and button though it looked too tight on me.
I haven't bought or worn a size 54 since at least the beginning of the third year of lawschool (3 years ago)! I think that while I'm right around the weight that caused me to give up the last time I lost a lot of weight, I'm doing a better job of converting fat into muscle, so I'm getting more change in physical size for a smaller weight loss. I know I didn't get down to wearing my 54s last time.
In other words I'm doing it, well, if not "right," at least more right than ever before. And that's progress.
Not that I will get rid of them, they are my biggest "fat pants," and I'll want them down the road. Admit it, everybody who has ever set out to lose weight imagines themselves doing the fat pants photo. Well, I certainly do.
Right now the pants fit me loosely enough that, standing, I can put the base of my thumb against my stomach and the base of my pinky against the inside of the waist band without any stretching the pants or tightening my stomach muscles. Sitting they maybe only have about an inch clearance.
So here's the question. In theory, as long as I keep buying ever shrinking belts, I can continue wearing pants that are much to big for me, I just take them in with the belt. But eventually the waist is not going to be the only problem. So I will need to figure out when they just look baggy on me. Fortunately I have two or three pairs of pants that I've reshrunk into (thank goodness for being a pack rat), so I won't have to go out and immediately buy a whole new wardrobe.
So, in terms of waist, I think I've made pretty impressive progress. I started out wearing pants that were size 58" waist and a little too tight. Tonight I went through my "too small to fit pile" and found a size 56" and two 54" that fit me well, and even my size 52's I could put on and button though it looked too tight on me.
I haven't bought or worn a size 54 since at least the beginning of the third year of lawschool (3 years ago)! I think that while I'm right around the weight that caused me to give up the last time I lost a lot of weight, I'm doing a better job of converting fat into muscle, so I'm getting more change in physical size for a smaller weight loss. I know I didn't get down to wearing my 54s last time.
In other words I'm doing it, well, if not "right," at least more right than ever before. And that's progress.
Monday, October 8, 2007
348.6
Lots of good news to report today.
So for a while it's been a matter of "when" not "if" I get down below 350, and it happened this weekend! I weighed myself somewhat later in the day than is my norm, and after breakfast instead of before, so that may even be .3 or so high.
Overall, I'm 5.2 down for the week, 44.2 down since August 23, and 26 2/3 % of E.O. '08. Stay tuned maybe as early next week for the 50 lb mark!
So to wrap up the weekend. I'm counting Sunday as a "off plan" day, so my new "on plan" streak record is 14 days. Liz and I agreed to a system whereby every 5 days on plan in a row I get to add a little bit of cash to my new computer fund. ($2 for 5, an additional $4 for 6-10, $8 for 11-15, etc) I've hit day 10 a couple of times now, but this was the first time I had a day 12, let alone a shot at day 15.
Sunday was a close call. I haven't added up my points yet (just got home), but I'm pretty sure I'll be slightly over. Basically I think I made as best of choices as I could have made given the situation, but not quite good enough. Plus, cutting of my streak here and starting over gives me a target to shoot for next time.
We ended up going out for dinner Sunday evening instead of doing the whole holiday meal thing, so that means I had two meals out. Sunday lunch was the worst, because we went to lunch at the Zanesville mall. The only options there are Wendy's, a pizza joint, Taco Bell, and Charlie's (a grilled steak sandwich place). I had a Wendy's taco salad without sour cream, chips, or salad dressing, and a mix of fresh pineapple and grapes, but that's still something like 10-11 points, most of it fat. Then dinner was at this really good local owned Mexican place. I skipped the chips/salsa and had shrimp fajitas. I limited myself to only one tablespoon of the beans (read "lard with some beans in it") and 1/4 cup of the Spanish rice. My Achilles heel at Mexican is warm tortillas, and I did end up having two of them. In what counts as progress for me, I did manage to leave one on my plate.
Workout wise I did a lot better than I had expected. I did get my strength training in Sunday night, because the hotel we stayed in had a set of dumbbells. I started with the 15lbs, because that's what I use at home, and found they were too light for me, and I had to switch up to the 20's, which was a real thrill for me. Then I went back to my room and did my core exercises (crunches and whatnot). Pumped from discovering I had moved up a weight level on the dumbbells, I attempted some pushups. (sort of, pushups working from the knees instead of the toes), and did about 5, which is definitely a personal first. Even as early as middle school I can specifically remember being too heavy to be able to do pushups in gym class.
Then this morning I did 4 sets of 2.5 walk/4.5 jog (.1 mile each, 5 deg incline), and went for a swim. What I've learned from this weekend is that each treadmill runs at a somewhat different speed for the numbers you give it... so when I am away from home I will need to expect to put the speed up or down depending on the personality of the individual machine. After the weekend I'm up to 6.25 miles for October.
Overall, I think it was a positive weekend, and I can't complain with the results!
So for a while it's been a matter of "when" not "if" I get down below 350, and it happened this weekend! I weighed myself somewhat later in the day than is my norm, and after breakfast instead of before, so that may even be .3 or so high.
Overall, I'm 5.2 down for the week, 44.2 down since August 23, and 26 2/3 % of E.O. '08. Stay tuned maybe as early next week for the 50 lb mark!
So to wrap up the weekend. I'm counting Sunday as a "off plan" day, so my new "on plan" streak record is 14 days. Liz and I agreed to a system whereby every 5 days on plan in a row I get to add a little bit of cash to my new computer fund. ($2 for 5, an additional $4 for 6-10, $8 for 11-15, etc) I've hit day 10 a couple of times now, but this was the first time I had a day 12, let alone a shot at day 15.
Sunday was a close call. I haven't added up my points yet (just got home), but I'm pretty sure I'll be slightly over. Basically I think I made as best of choices as I could have made given the situation, but not quite good enough. Plus, cutting of my streak here and starting over gives me a target to shoot for next time.
We ended up going out for dinner Sunday evening instead of doing the whole holiday meal thing, so that means I had two meals out. Sunday lunch was the worst, because we went to lunch at the Zanesville mall. The only options there are Wendy's, a pizza joint, Taco Bell, and Charlie's (a grilled steak sandwich place). I had a Wendy's taco salad without sour cream, chips, or salad dressing, and a mix of fresh pineapple and grapes, but that's still something like 10-11 points, most of it fat. Then dinner was at this really good local owned Mexican place. I skipped the chips/salsa and had shrimp fajitas. I limited myself to only one tablespoon of the beans (read "lard with some beans in it") and 1/4 cup of the Spanish rice. My Achilles heel at Mexican is warm tortillas, and I did end up having two of them. In what counts as progress for me, I did manage to leave one on my plate.
Workout wise I did a lot better than I had expected. I did get my strength training in Sunday night, because the hotel we stayed in had a set of dumbbells. I started with the 15lbs, because that's what I use at home, and found they were too light for me, and I had to switch up to the 20's, which was a real thrill for me. Then I went back to my room and did my core exercises (crunches and whatnot). Pumped from discovering I had moved up a weight level on the dumbbells, I attempted some pushups. (sort of, pushups working from the knees instead of the toes), and did about 5, which is definitely a personal first. Even as early as middle school I can specifically remember being too heavy to be able to do pushups in gym class.
Then this morning I did 4 sets of 2.5 walk/4.5 jog (.1 mile each, 5 deg incline), and went for a swim. What I've learned from this weekend is that each treadmill runs at a somewhat different speed for the numbers you give it... so when I am away from home I will need to expect to put the speed up or down depending on the personality of the individual machine. After the weekend I'm up to 6.25 miles for October.
Overall, I think it was a positive weekend, and I can't complain with the results!
Hell yeah.
http://blog.scalejunkie.com/2007/08/stereotypes-and-prejudice.html
Ok, so maybe there are a few others. It seems like it is still PC to entertain stereotypes about homosexuals. But the general idea that discrimination based on obesity is socially acceptable is dead on. Like homosexuality, obesity is considered to be a choice, and therefore fair game. How it is more of a choice than religion, i'm not sure, but that's the popular view.
Of course, I guess if people like me and scale junkie meet our goals, we'll just give more evidence that obesity is a choice. To that, I would say that it is not so much a choice as a condition. Like alcoholism or any other addiction, or most major diseases, I will never be "cured." The best I can ever hope for is remission.
If you haven't done it yet, check out scale junkie's blog (linked to the right)... she has some really powerful and moving stuff!
(I back-timed this post so that my big announcement will stay on top for today :) )
Ok, so maybe there are a few others. It seems like it is still PC to entertain stereotypes about homosexuals. But the general idea that discrimination based on obesity is socially acceptable is dead on. Like homosexuality, obesity is considered to be a choice, and therefore fair game. How it is more of a choice than religion, i'm not sure, but that's the popular view.
Of course, I guess if people like me and scale junkie meet our goals, we'll just give more evidence that obesity is a choice. To that, I would say that it is not so much a choice as a condition. Like alcoholism or any other addiction, or most major diseases, I will never be "cured." The best I can ever hope for is remission.
If you haven't done it yet, check out scale junkie's blog (linked to the right)... she has some really powerful and moving stuff!
(I back-timed this post so that my big announcement will stay on top for today :) )
Sunday, October 7, 2007
at least one workout
So I did get my treadmill in again this morning (1 mile averaging 3.3 mpg at 5 deg). Either a) my treadmill under estimates speed, b) the treadmill I was using this morning over estimates, or c) I was walking with a noticeable increase in energy. I pushed myself up to 4.0 mph and was still at a walking pace today, 4 is definitely a jogging pace at home.
And then I did five laps in the pool before heading back to the room.
I am still hoping to get a workout in this evening in Cbus, but at least I'm not going to miss both of my sessions today.
And Comfort inn has hard boiled eggs on their new upgraded continental breakfast. No skim milk though, but I had thought ahead and brought my own.
Anyway, so far the weekend has been 100% on plan. Now for the challenging part :)
And then I did five laps in the pool before heading back to the room.
I am still hoping to get a workout in this evening in Cbus, but at least I'm not going to miss both of my sessions today.
And Comfort inn has hard boiled eggs on their new upgraded continental breakfast. No skim milk though, but I had thought ahead and brought my own.
Anyway, so far the weekend has been 100% on plan. Now for the challenging part :)
Saturday, October 6, 2007
"got up this morning for a quick jog..."
So I'm one of "those" people now, and I couldn't be more proud. I have officially taken my first step into the world of people who get up in the morning to do a jog.
Now, I only jogged .3 miles today ... my plan to introduce jogging is .1 at 2.0 mph, followed by .1 at 4.0, (all at 5.0 incline) then repeat as many times as I can manage, until I am doing a mile every day. Then I'll start breaking the routine up differently so I'm jogging .15 at a stretch, then .2.... until I get up to the point of doing an entire mile at 4.0.
Today I did three sets, so another .6 to my mileage chart (I'm now up to 4.45 for October).
Oh, and no, this doesn't mean I hit 350 and didn't bother telling anyone. I weighed in this morning at 351.8. I have every expectation of getting to report under 350 by next weigh in, but just a little ways to go yet. I just decided that 2 lbs wasn't enough of an excuse to avoid working harder on the treadmill. I also dropped my point goal down to the 350 level at the beginning of the week... though that hasn't really meant anything as I was generally 2-4 points short every day anyway.
Won't be here to post tomorrow... though Liz and I decided to stay in a hotel tonight instead of at my parents, and the hotel has a treadmill, so I'll at least get a morning walk, and maybe a jog in. (I may only walk and not risk damaging the hotel's equipment) And I am planning to come home Sunday night, so I won't be missing Monday morning either! The weekend is shaping up to be better than I expected :)
Now, I only jogged .3 miles today ... my plan to introduce jogging is .1 at 2.0 mph, followed by .1 at 4.0, (all at 5.0 incline) then repeat as many times as I can manage, until I am doing a mile every day. Then I'll start breaking the routine up differently so I'm jogging .15 at a stretch, then .2.... until I get up to the point of doing an entire mile at 4.0.
Today I did three sets, so another .6 to my mileage chart (I'm now up to 4.45 for October).
Oh, and no, this doesn't mean I hit 350 and didn't bother telling anyone. I weighed in this morning at 351.8. I have every expectation of getting to report under 350 by next weigh in, but just a little ways to go yet. I just decided that 2 lbs wasn't enough of an excuse to avoid working harder on the treadmill. I also dropped my point goal down to the 350 level at the beginning of the week... though that hasn't really meant anything as I was generally 2-4 points short every day anyway.
Won't be here to post tomorrow... though Liz and I decided to stay in a hotel tonight instead of at my parents, and the hotel has a treadmill, so I'll at least get a morning walk, and maybe a jog in. (I may only walk and not risk damaging the hotel's equipment) And I am planning to come home Sunday night, so I won't be missing Monday morning either! The weekend is shaping up to be better than I expected :)
Friday, October 5, 2007
me at 6 weeks
Ok, the top photo is obviously a much more posed photo than the one I'm using as a before photo. It's something of an idealized version of what I look like at the moment. Below is another which probably gives a more accurate idea of my size now. Still a long way from where I started, in my own opinion!
paranoia as a hurtle and as a motivator
So I'll be in Zanesville Saturday night through Monday morning. Which means I'll miss at least my treadmill Sunday morning, maybe Monday morning too... depending when I get home, and likely my Sunday evening workout. I should be able to get in Saturday's before I leave. (Though as an aside, I'll have to remember the gym closes at 4:30 on Saturday!)
As to points... one challenge will be that I'm away from my spreadsheet, and a bigger challenge is that Monday is Thanksgiving in Canada, so Liz's family (her parents are down for the holiday) will likely want to do a Thanksgiving style meal Sunday night. The good news is that they're fairly healthy cooks, the bad news is that they're also really good at it :)
I still haven't quite figured out the whole weight loss thing where it comes to eating with people who don't know I'm trying to lose weight. I mean, obviously I "could" just say, No thanks, I don't want any X, I'm watching my calories.... but I feel somewhat ridiculous doing so. I mean, I know that I've lost 40 lbs in the past 6 weeks, but you can't tell that just by looking at me. I still look like a guy who's at least 150 lbs over weight.
Whenever I order fresh veggies (with no added salt, please) or order off the "light and fit" portion of the menu, I feel somewhat like a fraud. I'm sure you've heard some comedian or whatever comment on the habit of a lot of overweight people to walk into McDonald's, order a big mac, large fry and a "diet" coke. Well, my very physical presence is my "big mac and large fry."
And I even know that it's all in my head. I felt the same way about joining a gym, and everyone there has been nothing but polite to me. And even those people who do judge me, it isn't as if that should have any effect on what I do. And beyond even that... the only way to stop people thinking that way is to lose weight. It isn't as if I wouldn't look equally ridiculous going back to my eating like a teenager days. I can't just wake up tomorrow and leave my fat suit at home.
On a somewhat related point... I sometimes wish that restaurants would just charge for ice water. Not that I'm all that eager to give away my money, but I guess I feel somewhat cheap in the current system. Unless I'm in that extremely rare restaurant that serves skim milk, there is simply nothing on the menu to drink that is both allowed on my diet plan and at all tempting to me. I honestly like water, and I drink a lot of it at meals. So here I am, asking for a fourth, fifth, sixth refill on my free drink. I do try to make it up in the tip, and I guess that's better than the restaurant charging for it when the only real cost is on the server.
This particular neurosis I can somewhat blame on my childhood. Basically, growing up we always got water in restaurants, not because we didn't drink pop (did we ever), but simply because it was free. So as I got out on my own, it was to a certain extent a point of pride to me that I didn't have to worry about that buck or buck and a half extra and could just get pop with my meals. Then I made a decision that I couldn't drink pop any more (back around the time I graduated from lawschool). Ever since then, I've (almost) always had water with meals. And I've always been vaguely unhappy that I was taking advantage of the system.
So moral of the story (looking back at the entire entry)... I'm quite paranoid and care far too much about what other people think of me. Even this blog can be seen as a symptom of that. Or, rather, a means of my using my own weaknesses against myself to produce a positive effect. If I can't show progress or if I stop updating, my own paranoia that the two or three people who had been reading regularly will think poorly of me would shame me into working harder.
So I guess if you can't beat em, join em.
As to points... one challenge will be that I'm away from my spreadsheet, and a bigger challenge is that Monday is Thanksgiving in Canada, so Liz's family (her parents are down for the holiday) will likely want to do a Thanksgiving style meal Sunday night. The good news is that they're fairly healthy cooks, the bad news is that they're also really good at it :)
I still haven't quite figured out the whole weight loss thing where it comes to eating with people who don't know I'm trying to lose weight. I mean, obviously I "could" just say, No thanks, I don't want any X, I'm watching my calories.... but I feel somewhat ridiculous doing so. I mean, I know that I've lost 40 lbs in the past 6 weeks, but you can't tell that just by looking at me. I still look like a guy who's at least 150 lbs over weight.
Whenever I order fresh veggies (with no added salt, please) or order off the "light and fit" portion of the menu, I feel somewhat like a fraud. I'm sure you've heard some comedian or whatever comment on the habit of a lot of overweight people to walk into McDonald's, order a big mac, large fry and a "diet" coke. Well, my very physical presence is my "big mac and large fry."
And I even know that it's all in my head. I felt the same way about joining a gym, and everyone there has been nothing but polite to me. And even those people who do judge me, it isn't as if that should have any effect on what I do. And beyond even that... the only way to stop people thinking that way is to lose weight. It isn't as if I wouldn't look equally ridiculous going back to my eating like a teenager days. I can't just wake up tomorrow and leave my fat suit at home.
On a somewhat related point... I sometimes wish that restaurants would just charge for ice water. Not that I'm all that eager to give away my money, but I guess I feel somewhat cheap in the current system. Unless I'm in that extremely rare restaurant that serves skim milk, there is simply nothing on the menu to drink that is both allowed on my diet plan and at all tempting to me. I honestly like water, and I drink a lot of it at meals. So here I am, asking for a fourth, fifth, sixth refill on my free drink. I do try to make it up in the tip, and I guess that's better than the restaurant charging for it when the only real cost is on the server.
This particular neurosis I can somewhat blame on my childhood. Basically, growing up we always got water in restaurants, not because we didn't drink pop (did we ever), but simply because it was free. So as I got out on my own, it was to a certain extent a point of pride to me that I didn't have to worry about that buck or buck and a half extra and could just get pop with my meals. Then I made a decision that I couldn't drink pop any more (back around the time I graduated from lawschool). Ever since then, I've (almost) always had water with meals. And I've always been vaguely unhappy that I was taking advantage of the system.
So moral of the story (looking back at the entire entry)... I'm quite paranoid and care far too much about what other people think of me. Even this blog can be seen as a symptom of that. Or, rather, a means of my using my own weaknesses against myself to produce a positive effect. If I can't show progress or if I stop updating, my own paranoia that the two or three people who had been reading regularly will think poorly of me would shame me into working harder.
So I guess if you can't beat em, join em.
priorities
Yesterday I had a realization about my priorities. Basically, I think I've made the important shift to seeing getting in a workout as a high priority.
Liz was off yesterday, and wanted to go out golfing as it was likely the last day we would have a chance to for the season. We couldn't go until I got home from work, so we only got in nine holes, but it was fun. I was supposed to be working on a kitchen remodling project last night, so I had initially said I would count the mini round of golf as my workout for the night.
But then when I got home and had dinner... I just couldn't do that. I just had this overwhelming urge to get up and go to the gym.
So on one hand, I slacked on the housework, on the other hand, I got a full workout in before the Y closed for the night. Getting in my workout is a priority. And it needs to stay that way.
And the Indians won... so the fates must have been pleased :)
Liz was off yesterday, and wanted to go out golfing as it was likely the last day we would have a chance to for the season. We couldn't go until I got home from work, so we only got in nine holes, but it was fun. I was supposed to be working on a kitchen remodling project last night, so I had initially said I would count the mini round of golf as my workout for the night.
But then when I got home and had dinner... I just couldn't do that. I just had this overwhelming urge to get up and go to the gym.
So on one hand, I slacked on the housework, on the other hand, I got a full workout in before the Y closed for the night. Getting in my workout is a priority. And it needs to stay that way.
And the Indians won... so the fates must have been pleased :)
Thursday, October 4, 2007
See, exercising really does work... week 6 results
This turned out to be my second best week yet! The exercise really worked wonders on my progress. I'm feeling sore today, so this is just the motivation I needed to keep it up.
Anyway, I am down 8.4 lbs on the week, taking me to a grand total of 353.8, which is 39 down from where I started. I am at 23% of the way to my end of 2008 goal.
Still far, far to go!
Anyway, I am down 8.4 lbs on the week, taking me to a grand total of 353.8, which is 39 down from where I started. I am at 23% of the way to my end of 2008 goal.
Still far, far to go!
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
14 for 14.
So tomorrow's another weigh in. I have high (or is that low) hopes for this week. Of course, Liz would say I'm setting myself up for disappointment... the more hopeful I am going into a weigh in, the less room I have to be pleasantly surprised. Shrug.
One major accomplishment this week… I completed my entire workout schedule! Now Sunday I did a second treadmill rather than my leg machines as the Y was closed… but I did an afternoon workout, and that's a moral victory, even if it wasn't as good a workout I may have otherwise gotten. For my morning treadmills I've decided to start tracking distance (inspired to do so by Grizzpyre). So for October I'm up to 2.7 miles. I still am doing walking only, at least primarily… I did about a minute of jogging yesterday just to see what it felt like. Even at that I could really feel the loss of weight from a couple of months ago, I just felt a lot more graceful and smooth in my movement, less like a bouncing sack of particularly angry potatoes. I am committed to start mixing in jogging as soon as I hit 350.
Which leads to a bit of a race with myself. I'm curious to see whether I will get to 325 or develop the stamina to jog a full mile first. I'm betting on 325… I can't recall for certain ever being in good enough shape to jog a full mile… not even when I played soccer in highschool… I was a good sprinter, but only for very short distances. On the other hand, back then the problem was that I really wasn't very committed. I mean, I worked as hard as I could at practice, but never spent any time on my own just trying to get into better shape. I certainly didn't get up an hour earlier than I had to so I could get in a run. I also wasn't watching my diet at all (and had I tried, I would have screwed it all to hell… I had some really wacky ideas of healthy diet back then). The healthier diet and the extra exercise should help me build stamina faster than I ever could back in HS. Only one way to find out.
Anyway, 11 hours or so until my week 6 weigh in... good luck everyone!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
