dieting when nobody's around

So usually I'm complaining about sticking to my weight loss plan when other people are around to mess it up. Today I want to consider the opposite situation.

Tonight I was feeling particularly tired and a bit sore when I got home from work, and was very tempted to skip the afternoon workout. "I've already done 13 days without a miss... what's one day," I thought. And even more depressingly, "nobody would know you skipped, Liz won't be home until 11 tonight. You could go play computer games and relax. Hell, you could even run out and buy some chicken and nobody would ever have to know."

But you know what, I would know. And that's the point. I'm not doing this for Liz, although she's thrilled with my decision. And I'm not doing this for G, even though she is the one who finally kicked my ass into gear. I'm doing this for my own health and happiness.

So I went to the gym, and I did my whole workout. And I came home and had a LC dinner (grilled chicken & penne with caramel apple dessert - 6.4 points.) And I am going to get to bed early tonight feeling good about myself, not feeling guilty that I had broken the rules.

I do wish that voice would go away, but I'm coming to the conclusion that it never will. I will likely never be able to pass a Wendy's or a Dairy Queen without occasionally feeling a pang of longing for the bad old days when I just didn't care what I allowed myself to eat. I'll never be able to smell fresh hot chicken without becoming instantly hungry.

But in the end I have to make a choice. 5 minutes of pleasure now, no matter how badly I long for it, is just not worth the cost on my life, my mobility, and my health. It isn't worth the cost to Liz or to my family or to my friends. It isn't worth the dread that I will have kids who are ashamed to be seen with me in public. It isn't worth the cost and embarrassment of having to shop at the fat guy store.

It just isn't worth it.