This is a public diary and a public confession. Its the story of Mike Gibbons-Camp, a 30 year old legal aid attorney who on August 23, 2007 weighed in at 392.8 lbs. Thanks to the constant support of my wife, Liz, and a kick in the pants by a good friend who I hadn't talked to for a while, I finally decided that enough was enough. But instead of quietly suffering with my weight, I started my blog, "New Me?"

I did really well for 10 weeks, then it completely fell apart. I was in denial for a long time, thinking I was just slipping up a bit, making a mistake here or there. But the reality was that I had failed.

Since then i've tried just about everything I could to get back on the wagon. And i've done well for a week here, a week there, but nothing lasting. So I don't know what to tell a new reader to my blog, but "welcome, and wish me luck."

Monday, November 5, 2007

my first and last relapse

Ok, so no midweek report this week. I am afraid to look at the scale today, and am going to force myself to stay off it until Thursday. When I will most likely see a gain for the week.

I relapsed hard yesterday. I can't even begin to attempt to explain it. I can't even come up with an excuse let alone a rational reason why it happened.

One "good" thing... I feel like crap today. Physically I mean, not just emotionally (though that's there too). My stomach hurts and I have no energy. I remember binging feeling good, and it just doesn't any more. I feel like an alcoholic who sobered up for a while and then went on a bender only to find out that his body does experience hangovers now. I've become accustomed to being on plan, and it just doesn't feel good to go off any more.

Today is going to be the real test. Can I go back onto plan? Can I nip this in the bud before I undo all of my progress?

And can I forgive myself for being so monumentally stupid?

I can't let this happen again.

8 comments:

Lady Vea said...

Hey man, forget about yesterday, it is over and done, don't beat yourself up about it or you'll just feel bad. Just use it as motivation to kick it up a notch. Also it is a good sign you are having a normal healthy reaction to overeating, just try and remember that when you get tempted to go overboard again. Like remembering the way tequila swells back in your mouth... ug, right? Yeah don't give up you are doing so good!! And every once in a while you'll look back and be amazed at how much progress you've made.
Try congratulating yourself on NOT letting this get you down or mess up your plan long term, just a bump in the road, that will be much more productive then allowing yourself to be ashamed and feel bad about yourself.

Chubby Chick said...

Awww... don't beat yourself up too bad! We ALL fall off the wagon from time to time. Heck... I was off the wagon and lying in the mud being run over by it for most of October! hehe But that is the past. And so is your relapse. It's a bump in the road... nothing more. And you WILL get over it and continue on your path to weight loss and health!

You're not stupid. You are HUMAN!!!

I feel like crap when I binge, too. And I start to feel better as soon as I get back on track. So here's to feeling better and getting back on track! :)

(((Gibbons-Camp)))

Diana Swallow said...

We all fall off the wagon, its called being human. The key is to learn from your mistakes and minimize them each time. In the past when I'd fall of the wagon, I'd fall off and stay off for months. In the past year I've stayed off for weeks, lately I only stay off for a few days. I really think the key to long term success is to learn to minimize your down time. So now you dust your self off, stand up straight and face the rest of the week and get past this bump in the road.

Daniele said...

Everyone above is totally right. We are all human and this is a learning process. You have been doing AMAZINGLY well. There isn't a word good enough to describe your achievements. I have no doubt that you'll be back on track in no time. This is just a small bump one the road to success. And you know that, deep down, I'm sure.

Keep on going on darling.

Chubby Chick said...

Hey... I just wanted to pop in and say that I hope your week's going well! :)

Teale said...

Yesterday was just that... YESTERDAY. Today is a new day, and the day after that will be a new day too. That's what's so great about life. We go to sleep and get to start over fresh in the morning.

I also feel incredibly sick when I eat "off plan" now... I can't imagine eating like that all day every day before!

Chinwendu said...

Remember where you have been, Remember the path you are on now, and just do the next right thing. Keep it simple.

Diana Swallow said...

Just stopping by to check in on you, hope you are having a good week!