why, yet another new blog

So I've had at least five blogs now that I can think of, and am currently updating the one at myspace. I don't know if i will continue on there, or if I will reopen one of my other blogger blogs.

But this is a little different. Having been inspired by Becky and encouraged by Gauri, I have decided to join a weightloss group. I've tried to diet several times, and twice have actually made significant progress before failing miserably. But I've never had the opportunity to do group dieting, and I think that it might just work.

So apparently we're starting in a couple of days, using the "points" system. Gauri has been good enough to explain what that means to me, and given me some cool spreadsheets to play with. I bought a scale (via amazon) that actually will have a high enough capacity to tell me my weight, which I may or may not have the confidence to post on here. What I will try to post here are the deltas... hopefully all showing reductions . . . and try to vent any frustrations or share any optimistic moments, things of that sort. I can't guarantee frequent updates, but I will do my best.

So, in starting a new diet, I can't help but consider what has gone well and what has gone wrong in previous attempts. The most effective diet I have ever done was right after I graduated from Lawschool. I hit a emotional low one day during Professional Responsibility class, recognizing in myself and in my behavior all of the classic symptoms of addiction. I broke down and had a horible night full of tears and self loathing. I was all but ready to go report myself to _____, the name of which I can't remember this second, but the addiction counseling service for lawyers, although I was pretty sure that doing so would mean I wouldn't be allowed to take the bar that summer. Liz talked me out of that, and helped me design a diet, (based heavily on the Abs Diet) on which I lost fifty pounds over the course of two months.

But then, of course, I started working, and especially started commuting. I found myself with a lot more in the way of income, and a lot less in the way of time. This is a bad combination for me. It suddenly seemed so much more efficient to stop for food on the way home, or to have breakfast on the road, or to go out for lunch instead of packing something healthy. And by the time we moved to Chillicothe, and I didn't have the hour long commute, but I had redeveloped all these unhealthy habits. I wasn't recording in my food blog, I wasn't taking time to do my exercises regularly. I was eating very tasty fast food. And try as I might, I haven't managed to recapture that routine that had worked so well for a brief time.

So, Why am I Overweight?

In broad terms, I think i have a Hedonistic problem. I don't have much in the way of "oh wait, let's consider the long term consequences/costs" attitude towards just about anything. So I missed a lot of classes, I put off studying, homework, and now actual work to the last minute, and my house looks a little like it should belong to a pair of frat brothers.

But where this tendency is most pronounced is in my dietary habits. Hmm, a salad sounds good, but requires chopping veggies, a hamburger requires going through the drive through. I'll go through the drive through. And that's the thing. For the most part, I actually like healthy food... I even love to cook (in theory)... I just hate to take the time to cook for myself on a regular basis.

Now, there are some big exceptions to the idea that I'm just as happy eating healthy food as unhealthy food. I have far too much love for 1) Mountain Dew 2) Fried Chicken and 3) Macaroni and cheese. I quit mountain dew for the most part when I finished law school, though of late I've been slipping back into the habit occasionally. But deep fried foods, most especially fried chicken will suck up all of my money and good intentions if I am not extremely careful.



All in all, I think that dieting makes sense, that on a rational level it should be really easy. But it isn't rationality that has gotten me to the state I am in.

What does this attempt at weight loss have that none of the others did? Well three things. First, I feel as if I am not alone. Liz is always very supportive and willing to do things like cooking to help out.... but she doesn't really get why it is so hard for me to stay focused. I can't really explain it to her, and she's never really had any addictions at all. Second, I know know that someone has done it. Someone I know, a real life person, has lost over three digits of weight. It isn't abstract, it isn't potentially a hoax... it's a real person and a real story of hope. Third, I'm competitive. I'm not going to want to be the only person who can't report progress at the end of the week/month/whatever.

So, for better or for worse, here we go.

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